Problem at work, need some quick advice....

ILW

Southend1 wrote: »

:rotfl: I think you may have hit the nail on the head there!

Odd as it may seem, it appears I come from a more tolerant era. Agreed some things may make one feel slightly uneasy, but I would not make a fuss about it.

scooby088

It's amazing how this thread has been turned on the OP, my original advice still stands though.

ILW

scooby088 wrote: »

It's amazing how this thread has been turned on the OP, my original advice still stands though.

Not amazing at all.
It is about him not wanting to be touched by those he considers inferior to himself. What would anyone expect?
If he had said I do not want to be touched by anyone from a minority group, there would be outrage.

Southend1

ILW wrote: »

Odd as it may seem, it appears I come from a more tolerant era. Agreed some things may make one feel slightly uneasy, but I would not make a fuss about it.

No fuss needed, just a quiet word to the coworker to ask him to stop it.

Southend1

ILW wrote: »

Not amazing at all.
It is about him not wanting to be touched by those he considers inferior to himself. What would anyone expect?
If he had said I do not want to be touched by anyone from a minority group, there would be outrage.

I don't think anyone's arguing OPs attitude towards people he considers "inferior" is a good one. I think people are just addressing the questions asked I.e. How to stop the unwanted behaviours

ILW

Southend1 wrote: »

No fuss needed, just a quiet word to the coworker to ask him to stop it.

I totally agree.

ValHaller

goonarmy wrote: »

Context: a lesser touches the op. This is unaccptable.
A higher touches the op in the same manner. This is acceptable as the op holds them in high regard.
The actions are the same its the ops king of the jungle outlook thats wrong.
Unwanted physical contact is wrong. Pecking order dictating if it is acceptable or not is also wrong.

While I mostly agree with your analysis that OP has framed his views based on pecking order, it is completely irrelevant to whether or not unwelcome touching is acceptable. Your argument

• OP would accept being touched by the MD
• Therefore OP should accept being touched by anyone in the work place

is false. Essentially you are arguing that if OP accepts touching from anyone he must accept it from everyone. It does not work like that
Your argument (if accepted) essentially undermines most defence against physical contact. Suppose a girl works in the same company as her father and he touches her. Your argument makes it open day for anyone to touch her.

I can see your fingers poised to write "Ah, but this is different". Well, on this issue, to avoid any question of "this is different", the rule has to be that there is no touching if the person to be touched does not want it. Even if you don't like the reason for not being touched.

jetplane

Southend1 wrote: »

No fuss needed, just a quiet word to the coworker to ask him to stop it.

I agree.

I am a very tactile person and once put my hand on a male colleagues leg when I leaned forward talking to him. I have worked with him for many years and he was stunned he looked at me and just said did I mind and did I think it was appropriate? I apologised, I had not given a thought as to how it would be received, I didnt even realise I was doing it and I try to be very aware not to touch him too much.

Some time later we were sat together on a training course and the trainer actually said the words "for example you would not touch a colleagues leg as that would be really inappropriate". We just looked at each other and laughed.

The OP clearly has no respect for his colleague and an inflated sense of his own ego. And if he cant deal with something as simple as this then his people management skills are one area where his knowledge is clearly lacking.

Maybe his older colleague is a lot cleverer than the OP gives him credit for and can see right through him :rotfl:

Poppie68

ValHaller wrote: »

I cannot see that everyone is encouraging him to be aggressive. If you think I am, I would be interested to know why.

Irrespective of OP's issues, he is entitled not to be touched at work if he does not want this. Not getting this issue sorted and some boundaries established will leave issues about OP's personality beyond resolution.

Maybe wrongly worded on my behalf i mean everyone that is and not everyone is.

I totaly agree with nobody should be 'touched' at work if they feel incomfortable, i just think maybe the op needs to take a step back and not talk about 'breaking someones hand'.
Maybe he is showing some signs of detachment and rudeness at work and this older gentleman is trying to be friendly and make him feel part of the group. A nice polite word in private to his colleague would most probably do the trick and can be done in such a way that does'nt make either of them feel uncomfortable.
EDIT: Maybe this older guy is part of the old school were pats on the back were part of everyday life.

Poppie68

When did it become so wrong for someone to give a pat on the back,knee or arm to a work colleague? Is this country becoming a nation of over sensitive people?