Husbands friend on our sofa for five months - what would you have done?

yvonne13_2

Sorry to drag this up again but where is he getting the money from to pay for the storage if he's not working?

OP I hope you go and make enquires at the council for rent from your lodger.

emweaver

LeeLoo wrote: »

Please see response in red.

Would you be happy for him to clean the bathroom as it is in your bedroom?

I guess you wouldn't want him in the bedrooms cleaning so the only room is probably the living room and kitchen to clean. As these rooms are covered in clutter I doubt he sees the point in cleaning it.

Men don't always see the dirt in a way women do so to him it might not look like it needs cleaning anyway.

If you want him to do chores you need to tell him.

Jox

She wants him to leave not clean the house, it's been 5 months, then it will be 6 months, when does it end?

LeeLoo_2

yvonne13 wrote: »

Sorry to drag this up again but where is he getting the money from to pay for the storage if he's not working?

OP I hope you go and make enquires at the council for rent from your lodger.

I really have no idea. I presume that after 10 + years of working in professional jobs he has some savings. Also he was apparently due to move in somewhere the day he came so presumably had a deposit an first months rent for a London 1 bed flat.

Pollycat

Jox wrote: »

She wants him to leave not clean the house, it's been 5 months, then it will be 6 months, when does it end?

When the OP and her husband follow through with their request for him to leave.

That may be in less than 2 weeks or never.

I asked the OP what hey would do if the 2 week deadline comes and goes and he is still asleep on the sofa:

LeeLoo wrote: »

We have not discussed what will happen when the deadline passes.

I did say this:

Pollycat wrote: »

I suggest you and your OH have a chat pdq and decide what you are going to do at the end of this 2 weeks notice.

If it were me, I'd then immediately broach the subject with this guy and let him know that you indeed mean what you say.
Otherwise, you really do sound so ineffectual that I can see you posting again this time next year about a guy who's been living in your house for almost 18 months.

LeeLoo_2

emweaver wrote: »

Would you be happy for him to clean the bathroom as it is in your bedroom?

I guess you wouldn't want him in the bedrooms cleaning so the only room is probably the living room and kitchen to clean. As these rooms are covered in clutter I doubt he sees the point in cleaning it.

Men don't always see the dirt in a way women do so to him it might not look like it needs cleaning anyway.

If you want him to do chores you need to tell him.

I don't want him to do chores. It's too late for that I just want him gone. It is just the fact that he never offered which made me more annoyed. Also see responses in red.

LeeLoo_2

yvonne13 wrote: »

Sorry to drag this up again but where is he getting the money from to pay for the storage if he's not working?

OP I hope you go and make enquires at the council for rent from your lodger.

We are tenants and can't have (and don't want) subtenants and do not wish to formallise the arrangement.

yvonne13_2

LeeLoo wrote: »

I really have no idea. I presume that after 10 + years of working in professional jobs he has some savings. Also he was apparently due to move in somewhere the day he came so presumably had a deposit an first months rent for a London 1 bed flat.

OP your lodger is a free loader. He has plenty money to rent storage plus a deposit and 1 months rent!!!! Sorry but he saw you coming.

I can't believe you can't see that if he has all this money yet no job how was he going to pay rent on no wages.........

LeeLoo_2

emweaver wrote: »

Would you be happy for him to clean the bathroom as it is in your bedroom?

Well our privacy is already invaded every day so he may as well push a mop around once in a while as he is already in there.

emweaver wrote: »

I guess you wouldn't want him in the bedrooms cleaning so the only room is probably the living room and kitchen to clean. As these rooms are covered in clutter I doubt he sees the point in cleaning it.

The place is cluttered, mainly because it is so small, BUT
he does see me cleaning every now and then and he will just carry on doing what he is doing on his laptop. no 'can I help with anything'.

At the very least, he could have hoovered every now and then.

emweaver wrote: »

Men don't always see the dirt in a way women do so to him it might not look like it needs cleaning anyway.

If you want him to do chores you need to tell him.

Yes, I know now (with hindsight) that I should have said something at the begining.

HOWEVER

as I said before even if I am just visiting someone for a meal I will bring some wine/dessert and offer to help even if it is turned down. I am sure most people do something similar and this is just for one evening. SURELY you would think to at least OFFER.

Also, if he were living in his own place would he not lift a finger for five months? Not likely.

emweaver wrote: »

Men don't always see the dirt in a way women do so to him it might not look like it needs cleaning anyway.

My thing is that he never has offered. We actually even have a book on the kitchen counter called 'Chores' in which I write down things that need to be done. (we have always had this book) e.g. oil the door etc. He has not mentioned the book or done anything in it.

We were going away one weekend on Friday night coming back Sunday night. The light in the hallway went when we came back from work and we did not have time to replace it as we had a train to catch. When we came back on Sunday night it was still out even though he had been there all weekend. He has seen me carrying leaves to the garden waste bin, cleaning out the rabbit hutch, lifting heavy boxes etc and said nothing. I just carry on as if he is not there and he pretends to be invisible.

LeeLoo_2

yvonne13 wrote: »

I can't believe you can't see that if he has all this money yet no job how was he going to pay rent on no wages.........

Sorry, I don't quite understand what you mean. He lost his job when he was due to move into a new flat.