Husbands friend on our sofa for five months - what would you have done?

Mojisola

Clutterfree wrote: »

Thank you, a voice of reason.

Pollycat wrote: »

You mean a post that agrees with your point of view. :cool:

The poster you quoted has said in earlier posts - like others whom you obviously think aren't 'voices of reason' - that the OP has made assumptions - lots of them - about how this arrangement would work out.

I don't think anyone thinks that the OP and her OH haven't been more than generous in their treatment of this guy.

But those voices of 'unreason' have said, quite truthfully, imho, that the OP could have dealt with things better from Day 1 by setting out their expectations before he moved in and later on, when it became obvious that he wasn't behaving as they had expected by sitting down and explaining what they expected of him.

And I think she could be dealing with this 2 week deadline better by asking him where he is with finding alternative accommodation instead of sitting back and waiting.

Pollycat is spot on - the situation is of the OP's making but because she's been too nice about the whole thing. She's now making such an issue of needing to believe that it's all been the lodger's fault that I think she's feeling guilty about telling him to go now.

As has been said before on the thread - it's a shame that the OP and her OH didn't set out rules and a time frame; it's a shame that they didn't speak to the lodger when it became apparent that he wasn't behaving as they expected; it's a shame that they've reached their limit and consequently only given him two weeks to get out.

There no need for anyone to feel guilty - it was a situation brought about by their naivety and niceness and the laid-back attitude of the lodger.

shop-to-drop

I can understand why more ground rules weren't placed in the beginning which was obviously in retrospect a mistake. This is the OP's husband's oldest friend they obviously thought they new him well enough and shared standards and manners with him. It is possible his personality has been altered by depression brought on by redundancy and homelessness.

I would certainly talk to him everyday about what he is doing to move on and offer help in any way possible.

LeeLoo_2

***********Update *************- He moved out on the date of the deadline. He moved into a room in a shared house. He had a months rent and deposit and says he has applied for housing benefit. We have not really heard from him but he has said a few interviews but no job jet. He sent a card to say 'thank you' which was nice.

Jox

That's great, it's such a relief to have your own space, you'll never take it for granted

justanopinion

Glad you got it all sorted. I wouldn't have lasted a week with the situation (was reading in Oct).

dktreesea

LeeLoo wrote: »

***********Update *************- He moved out on the date of the deadline. He moved into a room in a shared house. He had a months rent and deposit and says he has applied for housing benefit. We have not really heard from him but he has said a few interviews but no job jet. He sent a card to say 'thank you' which was nice.

I've just read this whole thread. I couldn't stop laughing. Now he's gone, can I move in? I quite like the set up - no rent, a cooked meal now and then, plenty of privacy , i.e. have the house to myself all day, no housework to speak of, even the garden gets looked after.... roast dinners... my own private space in the shed whenever I can't be bothered with doing the "interaction with the family" thing...

We could do it like a caravan park. I live with you for ten months of the year, then swan off to Italy with the money I have saved from my dole for a couple of months, while I muse about returning to a professional job.... at some point in the future....some far away point....

I'd feel like a queen if I moved into this set up! There's "making someone welcome" and "Making Someone Welcome, with All The Bells and Whistles." OP, next time around, try to do the former, not the latter.