Husbands friend on our sofa for five months - what would you have done?

paulineb_2

LeeLoo wrote: »

The thing is he has had five months to sort something out, not two weeks. I understand that if he finds a room in a shared house housing benefit can pay. He was all set to move into a nice london flat. That would habe veen at least £1000 first month rent and £1000 deposit (going by all the plaves he's lived before. He has not spent that. He has no ties to any part of the country. No girlfriend no kids no job. He can find a cheaper part of the country, continue to search for graduate jobs and get the £1 megabus to London for interviews.

I agree, it may take a lot longer than two weeks to find somewhere else to live

And housing benefit may not pay the whole costs.

£1 megabus to London? Thats never been my experience. Its more like £15-20 sometimes and that can be each way.

Youve made your decision to ask him to leave, whether you give him more time to decide or not, its not really up to you to say what he should be doing or where he should go.

I dont have a partner or kids, but I wouldnt want to go halfway across the country just because someone who wanted shot of me thought it was a good idea.

wiggywoo9

I'm sorry, but I find your post rude and quite nasty tbh! This poor guy, do you know what he'll go on to? Do you care at all what happens next in his life? I'm been in that place, that fear of not knowing if the roof over your head will stay or you'll be looking for bridges or sheltered shop doorways for a sleep! Do you realise the mental anguish and toll it takes? Of the thoughts that you might be better off 'out the picture'? Show a bit of compassion, TALK to the poor guy, actually help him instead of giving him a pretty swift kick to the rear!

Jox

How many of us would stay on a friend's sofa for 5 months with no indication of when we would move out?

Surely most people would have more consideration for others / respect for themselves to be in that situation for so long?

LeeLoo_2

paulineb wrote: »

I agree, it may take a lot longer than two weeks to find somewhere else to live

What has be been doing all this time then? There is no room to swing a cat in here, you can't fit three people in the kitchen and the bathroom is in our bedroom. I certainly would have been looking for something before five months.

paulineb wrote: »

£1 megabus to London? Thats never been my experience. Its more like £15-20 sometimes and that can be each way.

My point is simply that he does not have to live in London to jobhunt for the London job he wants and we are no longer going to subsidise this for him. I have done the £1 megabus from London to Birmingham and also the £6 Chiltern train from London to Birmingham.

Even if it is a return of £20 four times a month for interviews that is £150 with the bus in London and even lunch. I have just googled rooms in yorkshire and have seen one for £50 per week

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I'm sorry, but I find your post rude and quite nasty tbh!

I am sorry that it came across like that to you.

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

This poor guy, do you know what he'll go on to? Do you care at all what happens next in his life?

If we did not care would we have let him stay on our sofa for five months.

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I'm been in that place, that fear of not knowing if the roof over your head will stay or you'll be looking for bridges or sheltered shop doorways for a sleep! Do you realise the mental anguish and toll it takes? Of the thoughts that you might be better off 'out the picture'? Show a bit of compassion,

I am sorry that you have been in that situation but this man is not in the same boat as you. I have just looked online and apparently the council will pay for a room in a house share.

LeeLoo_2

paulineb wrote: »

I, its not really up to you to say what he should be doing or where he should go.

I dont have a partner or kids, but I wouldnt want to go halfway across the country just because someone who wanted shot of me thought it was a good idea.

I am just pointing out that he has infinite options. He has decided that being on our sofa is an easy option for him and we are now taking away that choice.

I work in a factory office and he has not once asked if there is any work going. He is only looking for professional jobs like the one he had. He commented 'it may be time to start looking at Asda' and laughed because he considers that a joke and that he would never stoop so low..We are no longer subsidising that choice.

Pollycat

I would be very interested to hear your OH's opinion on everything you have written in this thread - especially those things you attribute to 'us' and 'we'.

yvonne13_2

LeeLoo wrote: »

Just a rant. Largely our fault due to poor communication of our expectations.

In his defence
1. He is not messy, he has put all his things into storage and just has a bag he lives out of.

Complaint 2.
Little annoyances
• We normally only turn on the heating in the morning when we are getting up then around 6pm for when we get home. He started turning it on whenever he got cold and he is home all day. We had to say ‘the heating is not coming on until October’.

3. He only wants a job that uses his degree and will not do anything ‘beneath him’. I also have a degree but am in a clerical role TO PAY THE BILLS and have done work including, cleaning and factory work to support the family. I work in the office in a factory but has not asked once if there are any jobs going on the factory floor. He has gone for a few interviews but no job yet.
4. He smokes (outside) so he has at least a few pounds to give.

We have now asked him to leave and gave him two weeks to make arrangements. It has been FIVE MONTHS

So he has no job but seems to be claiming dole from your house.....He can afford to pay the storage fees for five months which can be expensive, are you sure he's not claiming housing benefit and keeping the money?

As its been five months, I would contact the council and find out where you stand with claiming housing benefit/rent from him.

P.s letting someone stay with you for a bit is fine but when it hit the 6 weeks mark, a chat should have took place.

thorsoak

Have you actually said any of these things to him? Or, if you haven't - has your husband spoken to him in these terms? Asked him what he intends to do long-term, as your long-terms do not include him!

MrsE_2

In your OP you said you said to him you've been in this position & it took you a year to get back on your feet.
Right there, he's heard that he can stay a year if need be.
It certainly sounds like that too me.
That's why he's in no rush!

nodiscount

I don't really have anything helpful to add but just wanted to say your patience is impressive. I also admire your work ethic.

Even though this is now a stressful situation you can look back and hopefully feel good about yourself because you helped someone in need. Ok he is taking the mick now and may not even be thankful but at least you know you helped. There are many others with spacious accommodation who would have turned their backs.