Husbands friend on our sofa for five months - what would you have done?

Bazey

Yeah tell lies. I've always considered that to be excellent advice.

SailorSam

If i ever had to stay like that with a friend it would only be at a last resort, i'd do almost anything to avoid it. And if i did have to impose on people i'd do any job to get out from under their feet.
I hate anyone staying here and i'vge got plenty of space so you've done more than anyone can expect to live with it for all these months.

tea_lover

We had a similar situation with a friend of OH's so you have my sympathy! No useful advice I'm afraid - he refused to take any hint, or even direct requests to leave. We solved it by moving house (that wasn't why we moved, but it helped!)

We don't see him anymore.

LeeLoo_2

19lottie82 wrote: »

This is obviously really getting on your wick and I agree he is taking the P!

If I were you I'd sit him down and tell him the house is just too small and it's putting pressure on your relationship with your OH.

Maybe make up a white lie about a family member coming to stay too.

Offer to point him in the direction on the housing unit and write him a letter saying that you need him to leave by a certain date. This will encourage them to find him something.

Yeah, my husband already spoke to him and he should be leaving in a few days.

I just really wanted to know if how I should have handled it and how a reasonable person should have behaved. Were my expectations unreasonable

Mojisola

LeeLoo wrote: »

I just really wanted to know if how I should have handled it and how a reasonable person should have behaved.

Were my expectations unreasonable

Your expectations weren't unreasonable - but you didn't tell him in advance that those were your expectations! You already know that you would discuss things in detail before ever agreeing to let someone stay again - and always make the offer very time-limited.

If he'd known at the beginning that he had two weeks with you during which he had to sign on for JSA, find a room in a shared house, apply for house benefits and get himself sorted out, it would have happened.

What a "reasonable person" would do can be difficult - we all have our own views about what that means. He probably thought that he was being very accommodating by going out to the shed every evening!

lostinrates

LeeLoo wrote: »

Yeah, my husband already spoke to him and he should be leaving in a few days.

I just really wanted to know if how I should have handled it and how a reasonable person should have behaved. Were my expectations unreasonable

We thought we were going to have to have my bil come to live with us for a while.

We talked about it and made plans. He and I have not got on in the past because of differing expectations of how to share space, but we both love DH very much,:)

Our plan was that we decided and mutually agreed how much 'lodging' and 'bills' were worth and how much usage was acceptable and of what nature (e.g. No illegal down loads or usage, but full access to Internet for emails Skype, and job applications and any personal use) and agreed that it was worth x amount of hours contribution to chores and gardening on our small holding.

Luckily he managed to find an alternative solution. But its amazing how much the prospect of a not free stay steels the mind compared to a free one. Fwiw, if he is in need again, the offer always stands. We'd never see any family or friends really in trouble.

peachyprice

LeeLoo wrote: »

I just really wanted to know if how I should have handled it and how a reasonable person should have behaved. Were my expectations unreasonable

Well for a start you really shouldn't have said these things in the first place:

LeeLoo wrote: »

We made the mistake of saying he can stay as long as he needs and set no ‘house rules’ ............. I also said to him ‘I have been in this situation and it took me a year to get back on my feet so take as long as you need’.

kjmtidea

Bazey wrote: »

I'd have started an affair with him and it would make this thread a whole lot more interesting.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: Perhaps the op could come back and update us....

southoftheriver

Sell the sofa. Whilst he's on it. You'll have more space and you'll make some cash. Plus you'll get home with your lodger.

marisco_2

LeeLoo wrote: »

I also said to him ‘I have been in this situation and it took me a year to get back on my feet so take as long as you need’.

Not only have you known this guy a long time, but your husband shared a bachelor pad with him before marrying you. So he should have been fully aware of what he was like to live with, and how that would impact on your family life over time. Shame he didn't go into any details with you before you told this guy the above!

I think you have both been more than accommodating and generous to this friend. Two weeks notice is plenty of time for someone only responsible for themselves to sort out alternate living arrangements. I think you are wise to be planning to handle things differently with guests to your home in future.