Husbands friend on our sofa for five months - what would you have done?

Person_one

LeeLoo wrote: »

Our house is very messy. I work 45 hours a week with a two hour daily commute. On weekends I just veg out. The little one has dinner at the childminders during the week so my husband and I often just have whatever scraps we can find and I only cook full meals about three times a week.

Sorry, I know this is off topic but it jumped out at me, do you really not do any housework and just leave the place a mess? Are you happy living like that?

LeeLoo_2

Person_one wrote: »

Sorry, I know this is off topic but it jumped out at me, do you really not do any housework and just leave the place a mess? Are you happy living like that?

We do some housework. The bath is washed each time it is used, clothes go in the laundry even if the hamper is overflowing, sheets changed weekly etc. But it is nowhere near a show home, there are piles of letters & paperwork etc. Toys and shoes lying around. It is not how I would want to live but that is where we find ourselves.

Jox

My brother in law moved in with me and my OH in our one bed flat and slept on the sofabed, then after 3 years (yes 3 years), his girlfriend moved in supposedly for 2 weeks and this turned into 18 months. By the end I was so unhappy and grumpy, I would just stay in my bedroom and wouldn't be able to go the loo in the night as I had to walk through the living room to go to the bathroom. They moved out after I had a miscarriage, no idea if there was a connection but I wasn't able to tell them to leave and OH didn't feel able to either, we are too nice!

BitterAndTwisted

I also think you've been very accommodating but you really should have taken the bull by the horns some time ago. Having someone living in your home not seeming to make much effort in finding employment, any employment, should have been ringing bells months ago.

Having said all that, giving someone with no job just two weeks to make alternative arrangements is very, very harsh indeed. He's going to need a month's rent plus a deposit and with no job where is he going to find that sort of money?

Lola888

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I also think you've been very accommodating but you really should have taken the bull by the horns some time ago. Having someone living in your home not seeming to make much effort in finding employment, any employment, should have been ringing bells months ago.

Having said all that, giving someone with no job just two weeks to make alternative arrangements is very, very harsh indeed. He's going to need a month's rent plus a deposit and with no job where is he going to find that sort of money?

I think that is his problem, he has had plenty of time to find an alternative. He must have some family or other friends he could go stay with. Or worse comes to worse he can go into emergency housing as technically he is homeless??

BitterAndTwisted

As far as I know there is little to no emergency housing available for a single, able-bodied person.

I'd have given him notice, too. But not a mere two weeks: that is how you'd treat a stranger, not one of the OH's best mates. He's got to magic a job first from somewhere, somehow. In the same position I'd give him until he's earned his first pay-check or Christmas, whichever comes first.

LeeLoo_2

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

he is going to need a month's rent plus a deposit and with no job where is he going to find that sort of money?

Well, when he moved in he was on the brink of moving in somewhere. The reason he couldn't was because he did not have a reference. Presumably he still has it somewhere as he hasn't spent it on rent here. He is paying for storage but has no furniture, just some boxes so it should not be too much and someone who has been working for over ten years should have something saved.

BitterAndTwisted

"Should have" and "have" are two very different things.

Honestly, I wouldn't chuck a dog out on the street with just two week's notice, no matter what the circumstances.

You, however, are entitled to feel entirely differently.

LeeLoo_2

Lola888 wrote: »

I think that is his problem, he has had plenty of time to find an alternative. He must have some family or other friends he could go stay with.

He does not have any close family as far as I know. He has two friends but the one llives in a houseshare and would the housemate does not want someone on the sofa, the other is in a bedsit.

LeeLoo_2

The thing is he has had five months to sort something out, not two weeks. I understand that if he finds a room in a shared house housing benefit can pay. He was all set to move into a nice london flat. That would habe veen at least £1000 first month rent and £1000 deposit (going by all the plaves he's lived before. He has not spent that. He has no ties to any part of the country. No girlfriend no kids no job. He can find a cheaper part of the country, continue to search for graduate jobs and get the £1 megabus to London for interviews.