How much to pay mum in rent?

pink_princess

*max* wrote: »

I live alone too, and I always do full loads, just less often than a family I guess. I also never separate into whites, colours....Everything goes in together, never had a problem! If I lived with someone it wouldn't occur to me to do smaller loads more often just so we can share. It works out the same.

You mix your whites and darks?

persa

£25 a week might have been fair if your parents were comfortable, but they're struggling.

How much can you afford to give your parents whilst still paying your own bills and saving a bit (towards your own place)?

Are your parents' money problems temporary or ongoing?

If temporary, I'd suspend my own savings and give them all the spare cash. But if they're in a permanent hole, this needs sorting. You can bail your parents out in the short term, but it's not sustainable, you're planning to move out eventually.

Person_one

pink_princess wrote: »

I can't see it being not wasteful if there is an alternative.

One full load of washing rather than a half load etc is surely the most economical.

Why would she be doing half loads? I never do.

Toto

I gave my parents £50 a week back in 1988. You need to speak to your parents and ask what they'd like you to pay.

*max*

pink_princess wrote: »

You mix your whites and darks?

Yes. And nothing ever happened.

Am I going to Laundry Hell then?

What a fascinating subject for a Friday night btw. Rock n' roll...lol

duchy

brooklyn07 wrote: »

I dont have a curfew luckily but they do like to know where i am every minute of the day - if im ten minutes late they panick and keep phoning until i answer :-)

Dont have lifts off them, dont have meals with them, do my own washing

But no thats fair enough - thats why i asked on here as i thought it was enough but obviously not.

Yes much too low-doesn't even cover your third of the Council Tax I suspect-plus they are probably unable to claim any benefits as your wages would be included. Doing your own washing increases the electricity bill (and water bill if they are on a meter) and I'd charge you extra for annoying me in my own home following me around turning stuff off

As for the wanting to know where you are...I'm afraid that's the price you pay for moving back home.....My Mum did it to me too-and I was older than you are. She wouldn't go to sleep til I was in....We did talk about it and she said she knew it was daft but she couldn't help it . It's the Mum gene-you can't fight nature LOL

Ask to see the bills (and keep self righteous comments about high usage to yourself ) you don't sit with them or sit in a room with no lights....you double the power usage as you cook for yourself, you double to washing machine electric usage -not to mention wear and tear, you bath or shower, use the hairdryer, straighteners etc, have your own TV and so on..... or just offer a decent amount without quibble.
You don't say what you earn but as you've been paying a mortgage probably more than NMW plus they are struggling -yet still helped you out and didn't ask for money til they had to so be generous -if it means moving takes a little longer - well they are your parents and kept you for eighteen years.
You may actually be earning more than their joint income -had you considered that ?

I'll be honest if my son offered £25 a week I'd be really hurt that he thought so little of me to insult me with such a paltry offer knowing that he knew what it cost to run a home as he'd run one himself.

CH27

Your parents have asked for help as they are struggling.
They've helped you & now you need to be fair to them.

I know from my point of view I would have to be desperate to ask my son for financial help so really talk to them not snipe about them wasting money.

FBaby

I'm with you on this one OP. If they had told you you could only move if you contributed X per month, then that would be fair enough. But they didn't, they were happy for you to move and not contribute towards their every day bills. It is only because their income is now going down that they want you too.

It has therefore nothing to do with you contributing in a moral way, but contributing to help them. In that case, I think it is absolutely fair to expect them to help themselves to start with.

I personally would never expect my kids to pay anything towards bills IF the reason they were home was to save to be able to move out soon. If I was struggling to pay my bills, I would only expect them to pay for their own additional costs.

I think you need to have a frank conversation with your parents so that it is clear whether they expect you to help towards your own costs of the bills, or whether they actually need with to run the household. If that is the case, then that's fair enough, they have helped you, nothing wrong with you helping them, but it needs to be said clearly.

paulineb_2

brooklyn07 wrote: »

Thanks all.

I moved back home in may - was still paying the mortgage on my previous place until beginning of August.

I offered £25 a week as i was going off how much my bills cost me in my previous place for electric and water but as mentioned there is no gas at my mums and heating is done via wood burning which is free for them.
My electric only really cost me around £8 a week - sometimes less when i was working late. we had an energy monitor so i could see what i was spending.

She knows im desperately saving for my own place so i dont have to be there for that much longer hopefully

Their electric bill is £100 a month which seems really high in comparison to what i used to use! But what annoys me is they wont help themselves in trying to save on the electric bill - they leave the TV on in the kitchen all day long even though no one is in the house! They also leave it on in the eveining when they have retired to the lounge to watch tv in there which makes no sense to me!
They leave the outside lights on all night for security as well as the landing light and they leave all the downstairs lights on in the kitchen and utility room when they are in the lounge which is at the other end of the house.

This morning i popped back upstairs before i left for work and my mum had left the bathroom light and shower light on so switched them off too...

The main computer stays on 24/7 - they dont even turn the screen off

So i go around behind them turning everything off and they switch it back on again :-S

I just feel like they are trying to get me to contribute to their high bill when they wont change their lifestyle by trying to cut back and just thought it was a little unfair seeing as i was completely the opposite when i lived at my other place.

I did say last night that they should perhaps start cutting back by stop leaving the computer, tv and lights on but the response was "those things dont use much electricity"....

Some people have bad habits, rather than ending up in a situation where everything they do annoys you, why not have a discussion about what you think is reasonable and what you can afford.

£25 a week, does that include bills, because you arent just paying for a share of the bills, you are paying for a room as well and the thing is, if I were ever in a situation where my mum was struggling financially and I were able to help her, Id help her no questions asked. Id also try and see what I could do to try and help with the problem long term.

Youve made it quite clear your parents supported you when you needed it, if you can support them through a rough patch then why not? It might save them worrying themselves over finances and give them some breathing space to see if theres anything they can do to cut bills down.

ash28

I don't normally comment on this type of thread, they usually end up as a bit of slanging match between adult children should or shouldn't pay housekeeping.

To be honest the amount you want to pay is pretty derisory. I'm not surprised your mother had a different amount in mind.

Your parents were happy to let you live with them rent free while they were able, which must have saved you a small fortune....now their circumstances have changed and they a need a contribution from you.....£25 is really just a token contribution.

You are doubling up on some of their utility consumption by doing your own cooking, doing your own washing, using a different room in the evening for craft work etc, the extra showers/baths. Perhaps they have seen a difference in their bills even though you say they aren't particularly careful with their usage.

When you do your washing perhaps you should ask if there is anything of theirs that needs washing too......perhaps when cooking your dinner you could ask if they would like some too.....

It seems as if you are living more like a lodger than a family member.

I think you should be looking at somewhere in the region of £50 a week....have you asked your mother what she thinks is a reasonable amount?