The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

fairydiamond

How is everyone so chirpy? How do you all keep positive, I am at the end of my tether and so down. Sorry to bring the mood down, I don't know where to turn.

chickpea

Hi Fairydiamond - hugs for your down mood. It sucks. No-one who hasn't been there would understand. We do though!

The stress and depression caused by infertility is really akin to bereavement I'd say, a mini-bereavement every month, but thankfully, the human brain - and body - have remarkable powers to get us through regardless.

If you can, taking time to yourself can help - even if it means calling in sick to work, that is legitimate when you're genuinely stressed and depressed.

xx

littleme82

Hi everyone. Sorry I've been away for a few weeks. I decided to take a step back from TTC whilst waiting for appointments to come through.

firstly I would like to say congratulations to any BFP's I may have missed and I hope you have a wonderful 9 months. Also big good lucks to those of you are are currently PUPO. I don't think there is anyone more deserving than those ladies on this thread.

Also Code I am so sorry to read your news. Thinking of you xx

AFM well after chasing I have managed to get my HSG referral from my FS. I have to phone on CD1 to book it (anytime this week). If I can get the scan this cycle we are seeing the FS to discuss the results on 04 March....that morning DP is having his SA so hope the results pop up on the computer.

I am starting clomid again next cycle and I just hope we get the HSG. I am terrified of having to have it done though. Guess I have no choice though and just need to man up and get on with it.

Just got to keep positive. Nothing we can do to hurry the time along so enjoy life.

xx

time2deal

fairydiamond wrote: »

How is everyone so chirpy? How do you all keep positive, I am at the end of my tether and so down. Sorry to bring the mood down, I don't know where to turn.

It is so so hard. This whole TTC malarky is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life - by a large margin. I was thinking the other day that I can't remember my old happy, optimistic, confident self. But at the same time we have to try to get through it.

I try to tell myself that in a few years I'll look back at this time as just a blip in life. Either we will have kids, or will have moved on one way or another. I'm 37, so mother nature may have the final say in the end.

Being here really helps though. Having people who understand the issue, and a sometimes bleak humour keeps me a bit sane!

Good luck with the IVF appointment.

chickpea

Congrats TCD - Mother Nature throws the odd curveball now and then!

Good luck everyone who's trying to keep their hands off the HPTs. Hope the news is right when you finally crack.

++++

I am quite affected by Kate Silverton's news this week, not sure whether to be obscenely jealous or to take comfort from what is possible after long-term infertility/failed IVF,post-40. A bit of both.

I remind myself of the fact that this is a time-bounded endeavour too T2D - I'm 40, so 5 years from now, all this will be history, whatever the final outcome. And I will just have to reconcile myself to whatever the outcome is too, the same way I have reconciled myself to all the other facts of my life.

It's hard, when you're a perfectionist control-freak like me to accept that you can't control everything and, perhaps, you can't get what you want when you want it.

If I was to get philosophical, I might think that we, in the West, are quite used to believing we'll get whatever we want if we just work hard enough, or perhaps just by virtue of being born lucky, so it can be a shock when this whole belief-system breaks down.

Oh what's wrong with me - it's only CD12!!

Infertility has irrevocably shaken my faith in almost everything. Luckily though, it has driven DH and I closer together rather than apart.

Anyway - no wonky eggs are going to spoil my good mood this week I have determined. Friday brings a historic day for us - MFW no more! (I guess there are advantages to not having 10 kids!!)

Have a good week, I'm off to clean the fridge!

x

lisawood78

fairydiamond wrote: »

How is everyone so chirpy? How do you all keep positive, I am at the end of my tether and so down. Sorry to bring the mood down, I don't know where to turn.

I guess it's get by or crumble. And I've done my fair share of crumbling let me tell you.
After 12 years of this sh*te if I didn't get on with my life as best I could then there would be no life to look back on. Even now I look back and think of all the time I wasted being hurting or upset or Googling pointless scenarios, symptoms, happy ending stories, everything you could imagine but it is how we carry on.
I'm 36 soon so again haven't got a world of time ahead of me to keep doing this, it's got to work soon or we really will have to admit final defeat.

We understand pretty much anything you can come up with so pour it out on here if needs be.

Hugs to all x

picklekin

Lovely new TCD, its nice to know it CAN happen and there are little miracles

I hope the appt goes well fairydiamond. I'm not often chirpy, but I often try to put a brave face on things, I'm firmly of the belief that if you ACT happy, a little bit of it rubs off on the inside too.

time2deal

Oh good god. I've just found out the course on Thursday and Friday is all about positive affirmations, and you are asked to write down your top 3 life goals, major failings etc. And answer the question 'who are you?'. We will have to "visualize success and create a path to achievement".

So the things that are taking up 100% of my mind, IVF, emigrating, can't be mentioned. This will be fun. I hate this corporate BS with a passion.

On a more positive note, infertility has also bought DH and I closer, after a rocky start. The cancer did too. I know that is really lucky, as it could have gone the other way for sure.

Both things have sapped my confidence though. I find myself doubting myself all the time, and I never used to before. (a la Javier from Les Mis for those that know the song!) I only recently noticed it, and I have to find a way to get back to who I was. I feel like everyone tells me what I can't do, and you start to believe it.

We are also close to mortgage free. I'd trade it in a heartbeat for a successful pregnancy though.

chickpea

time2deal wrote: »

We are also close to mortgage free. I'd trade it in a heartbeat for a successful pregnancy though.

I'd swap too, but no-one's offering to!

Clevernamehere

Congratulations Teaandcake what lovely news! It's great to hear about a bfp from one of the ladies here, it means there's hope for the rest of us.

fairydiamond wrote: »

How is everyone so chirpy? How do you all keep positive, I am at the end of my tether and so down. Sorry to bring the mood down, I don't know where to turn.

Sorry to hear you're feeling down. I think we all feel like that sometimes. Feel free to rant away. Good luck with your IVF appointment. I always think it's good to have a plan.