The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

chocoholic_chick

Evening Ladies.

I really should come on here more often, even though everyones having such a hard time you all have such an amazing and positive outlook on things. Vesper the chocolate eclair incident made me burst out laughing, it happens to me with chocolate too, I think there's some kind of conspiracy going on, these confectionery companies are trying to force us to eat this kind of thing against our will!

Bigmomma I can't believe your GP is being like that, it just doesn't seem right, I feel quite guilty that we were referred after just over a year when I read what you have gone through

So I found out another work colleague is pregnant and got pregnant pretty much straight away. Queue the whole "don't you think it's about time you started trying for babies" blah blah blah.... I can't be happy for anyone anymore it would seem, I know I'm going to sound awful for saying this but when I see people coming on to the TTC thread and within a few months saying oh I got my BFP I thought it would never happen and then off they trot all happy I just think it's not blooming fair! I can't stand seeing all these people coming and going in such a short space of time, I need to step away from that thread for a bit I think.


Can I ask what PUPO stands for

tea_lover

Self-indulgent rant alert....

Just got a text from a friend - the dr one who said she knew how I felt as they'd been trying for their second for 4 months. She text me to apologise for missing my birthday (so looks like I'm not even getting a card then) and to say she's pg. She also said, and I quote "know it's hard when it's been on your agenda for a while".

I've seen/heard a huge amount of pg announcements over the years but none has ever made me this angry. Could she be any more insensitive? A text? A TEXT?? And what's with the agenda bull c.rap? Having a baby isn't on my agenda, it's not on my things to do list along with cleaning the bathroom and renewing my passport. It's a constant, never ending pain that I sometimes think will eat me up from the inside till there's nothing left. Not a s.odding agenda item that just crosses my mind from time to time.

I know I'm being unreasonable and completely ott, I do know that. But omg the rage! I could punch a hole through the wall right now. There's a massive ball of anger in my stomach. I've never felt like this about a pg before. I've been jealous, sad, miffed...but never so angry I could tear up phone books which is how I feel now.

Needless to say I haven't replied...but I'll have to at some point or I'll be the one in the wrong.

codemonkey

Oh tea that is so annoying. Tbh I don't mind the texts, it's better than having to force a smile face to face but how rude to say it's on your agenda. I'm sure she was trying to be helpful but sounds like her social skills are somewhat lacking. I'd just respond with "Congratulations" and leave it at that. Then go and name your DH's pillow whatever her name is and punch it. It's very important that you use your OH's pillow and not your own.

time2deal

jammy26 wrote: »

Hello, may I join you please?

We have been ttc for a year, I had a feeling things were not quite right so in November we went to the GP who was lovely and agreed to a SA which came back very good and bloods for me.

My results were my prolactin was sky high and the GP suspected this was caused by medication (which I had checked before ttc whether I could carry on taking and was told no problem) I was also not ovulating.

I stopped the medicaton and prolactin is now normal but still no ovulation so tomorrow I start taking clomid. I am feeling a little anxious and just wanted somewhere to come for advice from ladies who know!

J

Welcome Jammy! Hope you don't stick around for long - in the nicest possible way.

Good luck with the clomid. From what I have seen it doesn't work like magic in the first month, but the effects build up so be patient. Well done for getting a doctor who has reacted in less than a year! Bigmomma's GP should get lessons from yours.

chocoholic_chick wrote: »

...
Can I ask what PUPO stands for

Pregnant until proven otherwise.

I think the comedy on this thread is gallows humour. If you don't laugh you'll cry!

tea_lover wrote: »

Self-indulgent rant alert....

Just got a text from a friend - the dr one who said she knew how I felt as they'd been trying for their second for 4 months. She text me to apologise for missing my birthday (so looks like I'm not even getting a card then) and to say she's pg. She also said, and I quote "know it's hard when it's been on your agenda for a while".

I've seen/heard a huge amount of pg announcements over the years but none has ever made me this angry. Could she be any more insensitive? A text? A TEXT?? And what's with the agenda bull c.rap? Having a baby isn't on my agenda, it's not on my things to do list along with cleaning the bathroom and renewing my passport. It's a constant, never ending pain that I sometimes think will eat me up from the inside till there's nothing left. Not a s.odding agenda item that just crosses my mind from time to time.

I know I'm being unreasonable and completely ott, I do know that. But omg the rage! I could punch a hole through the wall right now. There's a massive ball of anger in my stomach. I've never felt like this about a pg before. I've been jealous, sad, miffed...but never so angry I could tear up phone books which is how I feel now.

Needless to say I haven't replied...but I'll have to at some point or I'll be the one in the wrong.

hugs Tea. It's so hard isn't it. And no one else really can understand. I'm so tired of feeling like my life is on hold, like I've gotten stuck at a point in life that I expected to pass through easily years ago, and yet here I still am.

I spilled the beans to a friend just over a year ago, and she admitted she had been trying for 18months too. We had a good cry, lots of wine, and then literally the next week, she admitted that it turned out she had fallen pregnant. She thought she had AF cramps, but turned out to be pregnancy.

The following week I found out I was growing a tumour! Life is unfair.

time2deal

chocaholic_chic - I have found a magic way to avoid chocolate! I read the caffeine can harm an embryo, and suddenly not a single piece has passed my lips in a week. This is a true miracle!

codemonkey

time2deal wrote: »

chocaholic_chic - I have found a magic way to avoid chocolate! I read the caffeine can harm an embryo, and suddenly not a single piece has passed my lips in a week. This is a true miracle!

I think I've been eating your quota. Still, lost 2lbs this week.

codemonkey

I don't want to bring the thread down but I'm really struggling today. DH has said that he definitely doesn't want the surgery. He has said he'll do it if I really want, but how can I force him to go through that if he doesn't want to? If it does go wrong he'll just resent me forever.

time2deal

I think you can't force him. In truth if it all goes wrong he will probably resent you. If I'm honest, I probably wouldn't do an operation that would give me a slight chance of pregnancy, but a high chance of ruining my sex life forever, so I do understand the concerns a bit.

What about some infertility counselling? They may also address the question of donor sperm, and let him know that it is something that might be ok.

I talked to DH about it last night (hope that's ok!) and he said he understood the concern a bit. It's harder for a guy to bond, and to understand our strong desire to have kids, so a lack of biological connection may be difficult to begin with. But he said he loves the kids in our lives to much, including my nephews, he said if we had to do it he knows he would love any child we had.

Would he be more comfortable if you asked someone in his family for a donation? Has he actually spoken to anyone about this other than you?

codemonkey

time2deal wrote: »

I think you can't force him. In truth if it all goes wrong he will probably resent you. If I'm honest, I probably wouldn't do an operation that would give me a slight chance of pregnancy, but a high chance of ruining my sex life forever, so I do understand the concerns a bit.

What about some infertility counselling? They may also address the question of donor sperm, and let him know that it is something that might be ok.

I talked to DH about it last night (hope that's ok!) and he said he understood the concern a bit. It's harder for a guy to bond, and to understand our strong desire to have kids, so a lack of biological connection may be difficult to begin with. But he said he loves the kids in our lives to much, including my nephews, he said if we had to do it he knows he would love any child we had.

Would he be more comfortable if you asked someone in his family for a donation? Has he actually spoken to anyone about this other than you?

I do understand why he doesn't want to do it, and the practical part of me doesn't want to put him through it, given the low chance of success.

I think part of the issue with the donor sperm is that his parents are quite strict Catholics and nearly disowned his brother for a relationship with a woman who had a child from a previous relationship. I think he worries about that. He also told me once that if I'd had a child when we met he wouldn't have asked me out. My family is quite large and there are kids that are step-children and natural children (to be honest, I struggle to remember which are which), so this attitude is weird for me.

He doesn't really get on well with his brothers, and actually really dislikes one of them, and I'm not keen on them either so a donation there is out. Also, I think if the situation were reversed and we needed a donor egg, I'd rather have one from a stranger than someone I know. I think that might be weird.

tia86

Hugs Tea, that is so insensitive of your friend, especially considering she knows you've been trying. Think I agree with Code that at least you don't have to give an immediate reaction - think that is the hardest part when someone makes an announcement to your face.

Code - you have said if something goes wrong your DH would resent you...how do you feel towards him though if he doesn't have the surgery and try? Would you resent him? It sounds like you are in a difficult situation whatever you decide.