The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

teaandcakeordeath

code. I was lurking in the library today between courses and i found this book http://www.amazon.co.uk/IVF-Emotional-Companion-Brigid-Moss/dp/0007414331/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1389999165&sr=1-3&keywords=ivf . Chapter 2 caught my eye as i'd been thinking about you and your news (not in a creepy/ sinister i'm thinking about your OH balls kinda way....it just stuck with me....) i read it and it was about a technique called TESE. This woman and her OH travelled to Belgium to have it done after going through loads of urologists/ fs saying it was sperm donor or nowt- it was successful. Obviously I don't know if this is suitable for your OH and your situation but I thought i'd post the info. Hope you don't mind! https://www.cornellurology.com/clinical-conditions/male-infertility/sperm-retrieval-techniques/non-obstructive-azoospermia-and-tese/

codemonkey

teaandcakeordeath wrote: »

code. I was lurking in the library today between courses and i found this book http://www.amazon.co.uk/IVF-Emotional-Companion-Brigid-Moss/dp/0007414331/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1389999165&sr=1-3&keywords=ivf . Chapter 2 caught my eye as i'd been thinking about you and your news (not in a creepy/ sinister i'm thinking about your OH balls kinda way....it just stuck with me....) i read it and it was about a technique called TESE. This woman and her OH travelled to Belgium to have it done after going through loads of urologists/ fs saying it was sperm donor or nowt- it was successful. Obviously I don't know if this is suitable for your OH and your situation but I thought i'd post the info. Hope you don't mind! https://www.cornellurology.com/clinical-conditions/male-infertility/sperm-retrieval-techniques/non-obstructive-azoospermia-and-tese/

Thanks. This is what they were planning to do, but now that they've examined DH, there is a higher chance of him losing his one and only testicle.

Just to recap, for anyone who can't be bothered reading through the masses of crap I post to find out what the actual situation is :rotfl:

DH did 2 SAs, one month apart. There was no sperm in either sample. It's determined that because his testosterone is ok, it was because of a testicle retrieval operation when he was 4 (they never did find the testicle, which brings us to the next problem). Our only hope (Obi Wan!) was to extract sperm cells through a testicular biopsy then use anything useful for ICSI. There was a 30-50% chance of getting anything useful and a 37% of success with the ICSI. After having his man bits examined by the fs who would carry out the surgery and his testicular beads (no idea!!), we got the news that because there is only one testicle, and that that testicle is much smaller than normal (can't say I noticed) and that there is no sperm tube, our chances have fallen. There is now only a 40% chance of getting anything out of that testicle and a tiny chance of getting sperm they can use. The FS pretty much said, we can go ahead, but it probably wont work and there's a high risk that he'd lose his testicle, be unable to have sex again and need testosterone supplements all his life. DH doesn't want to do it, and I can't say I blame him.

We talked sperm donation through with the fs on our visit together. They used to get loads of sperm donors because Edinburgh has loads of medical students who would donate for £50 to spend in the pub. Sadly, now they've introduced the legislation that means any offspring may contact the donor, nobody is donating sperm (I'm guessing that stupid Vince Vaughn film out just now wont help either). There is a waiting list for sperm and nobody donating. The private clinics apparently do have some sperm, so we could do IUI, but my irregular cycles make that problematic. Also DH doesn't want to, and again, I can't make him be ok with it. It must be hard for a man to see his wife being pregnant with a baby that isn't biologically his.

As for adoption, we've talked it through, but there are issues with some members of my family having criminal records and again, DH isn't keen on pursuing it. Also we'd have to wait an appropriate amount of time to accept our infertility.

So, we're waiting for a letter from the surgeon to confirm what he told DH, I'm still going ahead with the tests and so on, in the hope that DH will change his mind (unlikely). He has said he'll do it if I want him to, but for something like this, he has to want it or it's just too horrible. DH has said I can leave him and find someone else to have children with, but despite all my complaining about him, I love him too much.

So while it's not entirely over, it's not looking too good.

mrshappy

How are you today Code?
I've been having a wee think about your situation-when we had our rubbish SA's then an appointment with an urologist to discuss surgical sperm retrieval we were told that due to hubbys CF gene his vas deferens hadn't developed, the way the urologist explained it was that "normal" vase deferens were about the length of the tip of his pinkie to the knuckle, but hubbys were only about the size of his pinkie fingernail, so if there were any swimmers that is the tiny area they would have to get them from. He didn't go into stats and percentage details, but did say that there was a possibility of not getting anything during the surgery. I would think that working with such a small area would also have reduced the chances, however, during the procedure they managed to get enough for 4 vials of sperm. It may be worth considering a chat with an urologist rather than a FS to discuss any possible options? xx

ETA Sorry Code, cross posted with you x

teaandcakeordeath

Ah sh it. I thought it might have been different as this chapter was talking about tesa and tese. Sorry to have repeated what you already said- i thought it was some new thing that would be a bit better. Would you consider a second opinion though? If there's one thing i've learned in this ivf garbage it's that there doesn't seem to be any consensus at all. My first fs wouldn't consider clomid and put us straight for icsi. My second fs said if it wasn't for my borderline prolactin needing investigating she'd have prescribed me it. I know that's relatively trivial but opinions differ so much between these god like creatures....

My birth father has a pretty hideous criminal record and every social worker i've spoken too about adoption has told me that it's not something they would bring against me as i'm no longer in contact with the man. I don't know if this applies to your situation but if you want to pm me i'll tell you his convictions and you can judge them against your own situation.

codemonkey

Forgot to say, the next stage is DH having an MRI to see if they can see any evidence of his other testicle. It wont be anything they can work with but the remains will have to be removed surgically, so a dumb part of me is hoping they do the sperm retrieval anyway if he's under anesthetic.

Also I have no idea how we never noticed before. But our sex life is normal, his equipment is on the large side. The only real sign was his low sex drive.

TeamLowe

Code I'm so sorry to hear your news, I had all my fingers and toes crossed for you
Take good care of yourselves and I hope you can come to a decision that you are both truly happy with x x

QQuaver

Massive hugs (((Code))).
Don't forget to ask them for a sperm retrieval incase they forget. Fingers crossed. xx

fluffnutter

Having had to use donation ourselves, the OH and I have had many conversations about how I feel that Freddie's not genetically mine and how he'd feel if Freddie weren't genetically his. I know it's not completely comparable because women carry a baby and bond during this time but honestly, once they're here, their origins are irrelevant. You say it must be difficult for a man to see his partner pregnant with a baby that's not biologically his, but I have a baby that's not biologically mine and it makes no difference. I know everyone is different but my husband spent a lot of time thinking about this and is convinced that he'd feel just the same about Freddie if he'd been from my egg and another man's sperm as he does now.

It's a lot to get your head round but babies are uniquely themselves from the moment they're born. They're not half you and half him, they're entirely separate and those little chromosomes that sparked things off are neither here nor there.

Get yourself on that waiting list for sperm and have your baby, codemonkey x.

claire16c

Code Im just echoing what TL has said really. I really hope there is some agreement you can come to with your OH that means you get your baby, whether its through a sperm donation or adoption. Or of course that something happens that means they can get something from your DH anyway. Im really so sad for you and just want something positive to happen xx

time2deal

Hi, I know we are on serious subjects, but can I just jump in to say I got the call from the embryologist this morning?

My famous five are all still growing. Three are at the perfect stage, and two slightly behind. All are being put back to hopefully go to blast on Monday. There is a slight chance none will make it, but as I can only put one back they want to make sure it's the best one.

Its an emotional rollercoaster at casa time2deal