The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

time2deal

I was put on 300iu for the first cycle in Jan 2012 and worked fine (12 eggs I think). In November they upped it to 375iu after about a week of stimms as there were follicles but they weren't developing fast enough. She said even 1 year later can make a difference.

This time the NHS have decided to put me on 450iu. This is probably my last cycle, as I already have 12 1 day embryos in the freezer. If this doesn't work then we need to think seriously about other options.

Don't be hard on yourself. I know what you mean about not eating right though. It's almost like I'm sabotaging myself to make sure I don't dare let myself hope. I've drunk more in the last week than I have in months - and I'm supposed to be starting any day now once AF shows up!

I had a massive argument with DH on Friday though too - totally sober! I made a point of not escaping into wine after the argument as I knew I would instantly drink too much, and then take everything a step too far. But we seem to be ok now. Both been very wary of each other for a few days, but back to talking on non-controversial topics again (like - football!)

But, despite this one big blowout, we have been really good with not fighting recently. It does help with keeping stress down, so be good to yourself, and try to ignore your DH's irritants!

time2deal

p.s. with my :money: hat on, I just got the best bargain from the Grabbit boards. Body shop have a good sale on now, with body butters for £5 (instead of up to £13) and lots of other nice things on sale that I never normally look at.

Then another get £25 off for £50 spend code. I got 14 different products for £27 delivered. I'm well chuffed. I'm not a big Body Shop fan, but at those prices it's not much more than Tesco creams and shower gels.

Good thing I came to work today. Plenty of time to chat here and shop online!

Whattodonow

I know! i just don't get why we're not acting as a team, it's like we've turned on one another. Will do my best

I'll be on 225iu, but I bet they'll have to up me.

Finger's crossed we set a trend for BFPs in 2014 xx

Sadshoequeen

Thanks time2deal my cycle has been quite erratic since they returned and ranged between 25 and 45 but last few have been between 20 to 30 so really thought they were getting back to normal.

I will persevere and wait a bit longer, have been holding off drinking over Christmas just in case I was pg but with new year approaching really want a good drink so I'm going to hit the wine tomorrow as don't think I am and I'm pretty sure it won't hurt in early stages of pregnancy anyway

Hope all you ladies have some nice new year plans x

codemonkey

Part_Mouse wrote: »

T2d waves back.

Sewit thanks, many months ago I did get some digi pg tests but think they will exp before there's any chance to use them. Dreading the convo with the fs re bfn, I'm also wonder if dh swimmers are to bad and that's why despite getting to ov we still don't have a bfp there was talk that if we need IVF it would need to be Icsi.

PM - was your DH's SA bad? If so, it seems strange that they have been doing it this way rather than just doing ICSI straight away. But there seems to be a massive element of box ticking going on which just wastes time and money. Like with us, I still had to do a pregnancy test right after we found out about DH's sperm count and I have to do an HSG. As we can't have a natural BFP, it seems a bit pointless. Who cares if my tubes are blocked? They'd be better just saving their money.

I appear to be on a mission to make sure I have to lose as much weight as possible when I start in the New Year. Oink. Just eating so much chocolate and drinking more than I should on my meds and generally just sabotaging myself.

codemonkey

Also, I know you're supposed to review your life and where it's going and so on at this time of year, but I've spent so long planning a life with children in it and now that it's probably not going to happen, I'm a bit lost - what the hell do I do now?

Part_Mouse

Code dh sa was pretty bad hence the talk of Icsi, I do feel aswell its a box ticking mission hugely annoying as it takes me a couple of months to complete a cycle. We know there has been an egg on bith months injecting cycles but still no bfp.ive onto only got one working tube thanks to a wonderful dr which I'm sure isn't helping matters.

codemonkey

Part_Mouse wrote: »

Code dh sa was pretty bad hence the talk of Icsi, I do feel aswell its a box ticking mission hugely annoying as it takes me a couple of months to complete a cycle. We know there has been an egg on bith months injecting cycles but still no bfp.ive onto only got one working tube thanks to a wonderful dr which I'm sure isn't helping matters.

You have to wonder if it's in the hope that we'll get miracle BFPs and go away. Seems odd that you're going through all this when your DH has a low sperm count though.

SewIt_2

Oh PM that's rubbish. I too don't understand why they put you through so much to get you to ov and then leave you to it. Even in people with no known problems there is only a 15-20% chance of pg each month.

Code - i'm not sure what to do this ny either. I'm focusing on plans for the house as hopefully they won't change!

WTDN - feeling flat is ok, it's the hormones. The excitement will come with the stimms. Even then you might feel a bit flat/numb, I think some of it is a way to protect ourselves.

T2D - defo get your moneys worth from the nhs and keep your frosties!

time2deal

PM - your protocol has always been unusual. I can only assume the FS knows something we don't - ICSI is starting to sound like the easier option for you! Lets just hope WTDN is right and we are up for a bumper 2014.

Code - I think the answer is that you do find a way to move on. I think I am starting to get there. Having a baby feels a lot like plan B these days. I mean I still hope and go through the motions, but in truth I really don't think it will ever happen so I've decided to get closer to my friends with kids, rather than avoiding them. I am becoming a much loved auntie, and it does actually start to fill the hole. The only problem is they keep moving to bl**dy Australia! So we are moving back there next year. I was always waiting until we had a baby too, but now I've decided we could wait forever and we have accepted it's time to go and start the next stage of our lives - granted in a slightly different way than we expected.

I also can't help but think that in 10 years or so all my friends will reappear from their child centered worlds, and they will come back to me! I miss all my girlfriends, but I can see from some older friends that once the kids hit their teens things change a lot. Selfishly I can't wait for that, and I know that the years pass quickly.

But it is really tough to decide what to do with your life. I have really achieved what I want in my career, we have enough savings to not really worry about money so I can't be bothered working harder for more money which was really only set aside for maternity leave. I'd like to do another big 6 months travelling maybe, but would have to formally give up on TTC for that. Or maybe I will get motivated to set up my own business. But who knows..

So, I am thinking of alternatives now, and they are not the end of the world. But this time last year it was... I have changed my view a bit this year.