12-24 weeks pregnant (part2)

catloverbex

marywooyeah wrote: »

I'm devastated, I was getting so excited and now all I feel is sad and I feel angry that I will have to spend the rest of my life raising a child I don't want. Its not like we can even give it up for adoption either as our son is aware of it now. I just wanted a boy so badly this isn't fair.

"A child I don't want" = clearly unwanted.

"This isn't fair" - No. What isn't fair are the people who can't have their own babies, or the people who lose a much wanted baby, or the women who have to go through the pain of a stillbirth, or children that die. Please try and put this into perspective!

I have tried to avoid this thread and not get drawn into this but I am just so angry that somebody has been given a most precious and wonderful gift that they do not appreciate and want..... Especially given that they were "trying"! There are millions of women across the world that would do anything and give anything to have a healthy baby. Please try and understand how hurtful your comments could be to any one of these women (some of whom may be reading this "open" forum).

Mary - I'm sorry if you feel attacked, the problem is that many of us have desperately wanted our babies for so long that we just cannot comprehend your feelings. All we want are healthy little ones and although many of us may have a preference over gender (I would love a little girl!), ultimately we just want happy and healthy babies!

And on a more practical note - what are you going to do if you arrange an adoption and then baby pops out with a penis!? Happens a lot from what I've heard! Not sure you could just change your mind and keep it!

Anyway, I do think that there are much bigger issues here than this baby being the wrong gender and I really hope that you can find some decent professional help (whatever that may be) to help you to resolve the turmoil you are clearly in at the moment. I think the first step is to see a counsellor to talk through your past issues. Good luck and I sincerely wish that you manage to get past this.

I was due to be joining this thread last week (13+3) but may just lurk around all the boards for now until things calm down!

fluffnutter

Marywooyeah, if you work in public law and understand about adoption then you must realise that you don't just 'give your baby away', that the process is lengthy and complicated and decisions won't be made until after the baby is born. No one just says 'Oh yeah, I'm having it adopted' and that's the end of it.

Therefore, the only reason that I can see for your mentioning it on this thread, a thread that celebrates pregnancy and impending motherhood, is because you're confused at best and being inflammatory and provocative at worst.

You've hinted at past trauma/abuse. I imagine that discovering you're having a girl has reopened old wounds. Don't you think the solution is to explore and try to heal those wounds rather than give a baby up for adoption? I fully expect that the adoption agencies, if indeed you do contact them, will agree with me.

cheeseaddict

Mary, as the others have said, nobody can predetermine the sex of their baby, as a responsible adult you would of known there was a possibility of her being a girl. In my opinion you should have got all of your issues sorted before even trying for another baby. I know everybody wants there own child, but if you were so adamant you were against girls perhaps you should of looked into adopting a boy or going down a route of that kind. Instead you are just adding to the problem of unwanted children ( I realise you say she is wanted but I'm sorry, clearly not)

I have tried my best to see your arguement, and I'm truely sorry you had to go through whatever it is you went through, but I'm struggling to find sympathy for the 'devestation' you have found yourself in, because to me every child is a blessing.

marywooyeah

Fluffnutter I've already explained the reasons I dont feel able to care for her and for you to then continue to say those kind of comments nshows that you don't understand. You are being offensive and whilst I completely understand that this may not be a decision that you would make yourself it doesn't mean that you can be hostile and hurtful towards me, this isn't something I'm considering lightly at all she needs more than I can give her and she deserves better than that.

Catlover your comments are fair, I did feel that way straight after I found out. The more I think about it now the more I feel she'd be better off with another family.

As I've already said I can understand that others wouldn't make such a decision and I'm not expecting them to understand nor intending to upset anyone, but by the same token that doesn't give others the right to make presumptuous, hurtfulor nasty comments towards me either.

This thread is supposed to be for pregnant women to discuss their pregnancies and adoption is part of pregnancy, its a shame that people cannot respect this situation, after all you all have your babies to look forward to like you wanted to.

Im genuinely happy for all of you on here, please just respect that this is adifficult decision enough.

RebekahR

I was sexually abused as a child by a close family member. I wanted a boy. I found out at the scan I was having a girl. Can't deny it I was pretty gutted although I played this down to hubby. Partly because I had only ever looked after boys aswell and didn't know what to do with a girl. The other part of me was worrying about abusing family members and how the heck I was going to protect her from this. I didnt want her in a family like this. She would be better off in a happily family right where everyone truely loves each other? However ... it took me a few weeks to get my head round that this was a girl and I was going to have to find a way to live with this and protect her the best I could. I have been through these situations and therefore I know how it feels and how I can look after her best. Anyone else who hasn't been through this won't be as vigal to this. Therefore I actually was the best person to bring her up and protect her as I knew what to look out for etc etc! Revelation for me that was. I love her to bits now. As soon as she was born and we had 24 hours to bond none of that other stuff mattered at all. I trusted hubby 100% so I knew he wouldn't do anything although if I am honest I will still be aware and on guard. Help that helps to put it all to light a little bit. But I would say as you are thinking about it do have your meetings - find out all you can - the more information the better. Also be prepared for if you do change your mind and keep her. So buy some basic clothes etc. Just dont make a final decision now but plan incase you do decide you can't do this. Do use all the help there is out there. At the end of the day if you do end up giving her up you have tried everything you can. It is a good idea aswell to try and get yourself some counselling to try and help you confront past demons so to speak and also to put your big decision into light. I really hope you can find a way to keep her and also have the support you need to cope. Any more info if you need on my past situ do feel free to pm me. xx

samtoby

I can't help myself.......


My friend works in adoption and even if children are taken at birth it takes months to go through the legal process to have them adopted. No wonder we have such a large social problem with women popping out children and then giving them up or indeed having them taken away. Who is going to pay for your daughter to be in foster care in the local authority - all of us ladies who have tried and longed for a baby and some for a very long time.

If you work in the law and the child related side surely they know you are pregnant and indeed will know you gave up your child - and being as your so vocal about why - because your baby most probably will have womens parts instead of a willy - they will question your suitability to work in this area of the law.

Most of what you write makes no sence - you say you don't want to raise a child you don't want - then say its wanted. I seriously feel you need to consider what you are writing because to me it stinks of a internet troll.

cheeseaddict

....anyhow, on a different note, and a bit of a subject change, I have my appetitie back!! Now I'm not sure if this is a good thing or bad haha. For some reason this pregnancy I have totally been off food, and I have always been a big eater. I think it may be to do with the fact I decided to split up with my boyfriend last night so a weight may have been lifted. Perhaps not the best time to become single but also not the best time to be around an unsupportive waste of space! (he seems to think because now I'm pregnant he can do as he pleases :mad: - don't think so Mister)

Anyway, not looking for sympathy or whatever, if anything I feel excited that I have made my decision, now I can fully concentrate on my ds and his soon to be little brother/sister

Hope everyone is feeling well today

PommeVerte

samtoby wrote: »

to me it stinks of a internet troll.

I totally agree !

PommeVerte

Let's change the subject ...........

I still feel sick when did you ladies start feeling better ?! I'm told the 2nd trimester is the best, you feel loads better and have lots more energy ! I know i'm only just coming out of the 1st trimester.... but i can't wait to feel human again. Poor OH is doing the lion's share of everything whilst i rest up, he never complains though bless him.

Hugs to all Xx

Mrs_T_M

Pomme - My nausea went away around week 13, and I started getting a bit more energy then too. I also upped my protein intake a bit around that time too. There are still days when I do nothing, and even when I can do things, I still have to take it slow and easy because I get tired very easily now. I also seem to have a cold/allergies more often than not now.