12-24 weeks pregnant (part2)

Mrs_T_M

sophiasmum wrote: »

Also we haven't heard from mrs t-m for a while? Hope all is ok x

mrshappy wrote: »

I was also wondering about mrs tm today, I hope she is okay.

I'm ok, been reading, just not posting lately. Thanks for asking though.

Had a guest over Christmas week, did loads of travelling the week before, and just got home from visiting DH's grandmother. I've had a runny nose, post nasal drip, and a cough since yesterday afternoon, and I ended up skipping dinner today. Sometimes when I eat, my stomach starts pulling air into it and makes my throat make funny noises. Makes my tummy fill with air, which normally just passes through since I usually cannot burp. Ended up getting off of the second of 3 trains back tonight and got quite sick! Guessing that the combination of snot, motion sickness, and the massive amount of air in my stomach (not to mention skipping dinner) is what did it. Have eaten two slices of toast to try and calm my tummy so that I'll hopefully be able to sleep tonight. Slept about an hour last night due to coughing and the fact that the springs are starting to come through on our mattress. We bought some regular Vicks (I have lemon Vicks from the US) to rub all over the soles of my feet. Supposedly it helps with coughing, so we will be testing that tonight. I'm also still freezing!!!

We have one short train trip to take on New Years Day, and back, and I have a consultant (I think) appointment on the 7th January. After that and in between now and then, I'm going to be taking it really easy!

Baby was turning somersaults after I was sick, and has been tap dancing on my bladder since, so it's nice to know it isn't bothered by me puking...

ETA: I've just discovered a quite painful bruise on my left boob, and I'm assuming it is from me retching so hard while trying to keep my coat around myself (it's cold outside tonight). Owie!

marywooyeah

Mancbird yes these are things we have discussed. We are calling the adoption team on monday, not sure whether they give you a social worjer or a counsellor or the like but we've agreed it would be best to speak to someone. Ultimately the main thing is to make sure she can be well cared for, whether thats with us or with another family, but if the latter we'd like to choose the family she goes to.

Mrs TM I'm sorry to see your health problems have continued I hope it gets easier after your busy travelling time, are you still doing your baking and reciepes? X

neverdespairgirl

samtoby wrote: »

Congratulations neverdespairgirl - What does you son think about a baby brother? Did you already have your own thoughts on what sex the baby was?

Me next for a scan on Monday......eeeekkk.

No, I didn't know at all. OH insisted it was another boy, and is being smug about being right again (he said the same about Isaac, too) but has had the mickey taken out of him comprehensively by my family (with whom we are staying for Christmas to New Year) for being smug about a 50:50 guess!

Isaac wanted to know, but didn't have a preference.

fluffnutter

marywooyeah wrote: »

I don't have a midwife or anyone just my husband and our son so its just us. I feel the child could be better looked after by a family who could love her so have started looking into adoption.

Sexkitten perhaps consideration is a word that others could learn? You could not possibly understand anything of my situation or anything ive suffered in my life, I dont want a girl to suffer anything that I have and I wouldn't be able to offer a girl the love she'd need due to these experiences. She's not an inconvenience, she'd just be better off without me and whilst its great that you're having an enjoyable pregnancy its not a reason to look down on those who arent.

Did it not occur to you before you tried for another baby that it might be a girl? I'd say it's about 50/50. If you're talking about adoption then I'll be generous and say you're probably feeling very upset and overwhelmed so I've no idea why you decided to have another child if having a girl will distress you so much.

Google 'gender disappointment'. It might help you. TBH, you're going to get completely flamed if you carry on whining about how you're putting a baby up for adoption because it's the wrong sex.

fluffnutter

marywooyeah wrote: »

Mancbird yes these are things we have discussed. We are calling the adoption team on monday, not sure whether they give you a social worjer or a counsellor or the like but we've agreed it would be best to speak to someone. Ultimately the main thing is to make sure she can be well cared for, whether thats with us or with another family, but if the latter we'd like to choose the family she goes to.

I have a good friend who was traumatised to find out her baby was a boy when she really wanted a girl. She spent the second half of her pregnancy in floods of tears wondering how to love something she didn't want. Of course as soon as her son was born she fell in love and she looks back and can't imagine why she was so upset at the time.

Bear in mind that if you promise your unborn child to the family down the street like some unwanted bread machine your inlaws bought you for Christmas, there's a very very strong chance that you'll end up hugely disappointing them and breaking their hearts when you have you child and realise you don't want her adopted after all. I don't think you get to choose either. It's not the 1950s. Private adoptions aren't legal any more.

I don't think you'll find anyone in the adoption agencies to take you seriously. They'll handle it sensitively but I should imagine they'll say 'wait and see how you feel' not 'everything's sorted. We've found a lovely couple. They'll meet you at the hospital'. You do realise that adoptions of newborns don't happen instantly too don't you? All babies/children are placed with new families after a lengthy process including time to adjust to each other. If you're adamant you can't bear to look after her when she's first born, it's likely she'll be a ward of court and placed in some nursery or with foster carers.

Jox

Im sure Mary doesnt want to feel like this, who would want to, its very sad that she is so distraught at the thought of having a girl that she could consider giving her up after carrying her in her womb for 9 months. Having been confronted with you feeling like this Mary has shocked many (me included) but im trying to see it from your point of view and I feel sorry that you are upset. I hope you get some professional help (please take some time off work for this, your mental health is important, work and career isnt everything). You say that we dont know what you have been through as a woman but having a daughter and protecting her from harm might right the wrongs of the past...

Mrs_T_M

marywooyeah wrote: »

Mrs TM I'm sorry to see your health problems have continued I hope it gets easier after your busy travelling time, are you still doing your baking and reciepes? X

Still baking and cooking!

The only thing I will say about the other bit, when my mom was pregnant with me, the sonographer was 100% sure I was a boy. They didn't know I was a girl until I popped out. I know that now the scans are better, but they still aren't 100%.

marywooyeah

fluffnutter wrote: »

TBH, you're going to get completely flamed if you carry on whining about how you're putting a baby up for adoption because it's the wrong
Bear in mind that if you promise your unborn child to the family down the street like some unwanted bread machine your inlaws bought you for Christmas, there's a very very strong chance that you'll end up hugely disappointing them and breaking their hearts when you have you child and realise you don't want her adopted after all. I don't think you get to choose either. It's not the 1950s. Private adoptions aren't legal any more.

I don't think you'll find anyone in the adoption agencies to take you seriously. They'll handle it sensitively but I should imagine they'll say 'wait and see how you feel' not 'everything's sorted. We've found a lovely couple. They'll meet you at the hospital'. You do realise that adoptions of newborns don't happen instantly too don't you? All babies/children are placed with new families after a lengthy process including time to adjust to each other. If you're adamant you can't bear to look after her when she's first born, it's likely she'll be a ward of court and placed in some nursery or with foster carers.

Your first comment is very insensitive - I'm not "whinging" about her thats a horrible word to use and she is certainly not unwanted, I want her to receive the love and care that she needs and deserves and if I'm not able to give her that then I want to ensure that she's with a famiky that can. Every parent should want whats best for their child and I'm trying to do whats best for her, its a very difficult decision and I would never equate her to some piece of unwanted equipment, again a very insensitive comment you make.

I work in public law children matters so am aware of the process but thank you anyway. There wouldnt any grounds for wardship and thats rarely used nowadaya anyway, if we do proceed to adoption it woukd be on a voluntary basis.. As I've already said I am contacting the local authority tommorow to speak to someone and ultimately we're both wanting to find the best outcome for her.

fluffnutter

Marywooyeah - I think you need to understand more about adoption. It's not actually that easy to just 'give your child away' if you're an otherwise capable parent who just doesn't fancy a girl. Who's going to take you seriously? I should imagine there are many, many women who react badly to finding out the gender of their baby at the 20 wk scan who then go on to completely forget all about their disappointment the minute they have the baby. If adoption agencies arranged new families for every semi-hysterical pregnant woman who didn't want a girl/boy then there'd be an awful lot of 'Sorry! They're changed their mind' once she gives birth. They won't let you make a decision until after the baby's born anyway. Then there'll be psychiatric evaluations etc. It's incredibly traumatic to give your baby up for adoption - MUCH more so than bringing up the 'wrong' gender I should think.

TBH, hopefully they'll see this for what it is - a woman having a bit of a meltdown - and help you put things into perspective. NOT get your baby adopted for you.

You've touched on experiences in your past that mean you're unable to care for a girl - that you don't want her to go through what you did. TBH, you probably need some help with this whether or not you're the mother of a girl. Both for your own sake and that of your son's. Abuse of women doesn't happen in gender isolation and it's not just girls that need bringing up in a sensitive manner so that they know how to protect themselves - boys need it too so that they treat women with respect.

fluffnutter

marywooyeah wrote: »

..she is certainly not unwanted..

Of course she is! You're proposing to give her away ergo you don't want her. Don't dress it up as some sort of altruistic nonsense. Honestly you need help.

What are you going to tell her when she comes knocking on your door in 18 years time asking 'Would you have given me away if I were a boy?' Talk about screwing her up. Nice one.

I'm bailing out of this one now because I can see myself just getting offensive. There's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling upset and disappointed that you're having the 'wrong' gender - this happens to many, many women. Banging on about blithely just getting her adopted having given yourself all of about 3 days to get used to the news just smacks of someone getting their panties in a hysterical tangle frankly.