Sell my flat to move in with Boyfriend - complicated...

bagpussbear

Another one here that agrees you shouldn't sell your flat!

You have much more to lose than him, and it seems unfair that he is isn't taking this into account.

But financially speaking, you need to know what the rent would be, and also a 4 bed house costs more to run in terms of electric and gas (I moved from 2 bed flat, to a 4 bed house in the last year, those bills are much higher than I anticipated they would be!).

Also what split of the bils % wise would each of you be paying, have you discussed that?

I would be careful in that you could move in to the house to find that you are financially much worse off, so be careful OP.

Makes so much more sense for him to move him with you for a time, get him to save some money for a deposit and then buy a place together later on down the line.

Person_one

I wouldn't even be contemplating moving in together at this stage, let alone the minefield of selling your flat and living in a house his parents own!

Its only been 2 years, so not all that long in the scheme of things, and he's years behind you in terms of maturity and independence. I think I'd wait to see if he can catch up before even considering it.

He's only just got a job, see if he can keep it and turn it into something permanent and a bit more secure with a future. See if he can manage away from mum and dad for a year or two, or if he even makes the effort to try without a new 'mum' lined up to keep looking after him.

If in say 18 months he's still gainfully employed, living alone in a reasonably clean place (even a flatshare) and managing to look after himself, then and only then would I start the conversations about the future.

I'm sure he's a nice guy deep down, and its not his fault his parents have done him no favours, but you don't have to roll over and give up everything you've worked for just because he's 'kind and caring'!

quidsy

4 bed house, you don't know the rental costs & your bf's family own it. It sounds to me like he & they want you both to live in it becuase I can bet that YOU will be the only one paying rent on it.

You would be mad to sell a place you currently own but will make zero profit on in order to rent a property owned by your bf's family. You could literally be paying for him to live rent free in his families home with no rights or say over the property yourself.

Sorry, I know you say he is sweet etc but childish but he sounds like a selfish spoiled d!ck.

fake_smile

Hoopylass wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys, its reassuring to hear other peoples thoughts and to echo my own concerns.

In the future when we decide to have kids then my flat is not ideal ( no room for expansion etc) then yeah his parents place is ideal and like I have said to him - its not going anywhere.

He is adament that he is not moving into mine as its "too small" and I have "too much stuff" according to him. Im willing to clear out and sell stuff (have actually already started on this).

I just feel backed into a corner

When you're young and in love, this stuff shouldn't matter.

Anyway, do not give up your property to move into what is your boyfriends parents house. 2 years isn't a massive amount of time to be confident that your relationship will last.

LannieDuck

Hoopylass wrote: »

BUT .... worst case scenario... years down the line and we are living there and his parents have passed on could his sister force a sale of the house?

If you're thinking this far ahead, you need to consider whether you ever want to buy your own home, or whether you'll be happy renting for the next 20 years.

Assume you give up your flat and move in with OH, have a couple of lovely kiddies and pay rent for the next couple of decades. His parents may have a long, healthy life. You and OH rent with no asset to show for it. When parents die, they leave the house to OH and his sister. You and OH now own (half) an asset. But all that rent over the years has helped to fund a nice retirement lifestyle for his parents. Perhaps some of it will come back to him as an inheritance, but it's very likely half will go to the sister.

Alternatively, you stay on the property ladder. Perhaps OH moves in with you to begin with, but eventually you move to a larger house, get a mortgage between the two of you, and 20 years down the line have paid most of it off. You and OH now both own an asset. OH's parents are no worse off in retirement since they get a (higher) rent from someone else. Eventually when OH's parents die he inherits half the house and you're both better off.

notanewuser

lostinrates wrote: »

Why would two people with no kids want to heat a four bedroom house?

We did!! I had a 3 bed as a singleton too.

We wanted one room to be a study, and with most of our friends and family living hundreds of miles away we wanted 2 good sized spare rooms to put up guests.

We've since extended, so the 3 of us (we now have a daughter) have 4 permanent bedrooms, 1 home office/bedroom and 1 gym/bedroom.

It works for us!!!

*max*

Hoopylass wrote: »

As much as I appreciate the comments my bf is not a mean or horrible person, just a daft boy who has been spoiled by his parents for far too long.

Everything else aside, I wouln't be moving in with a boyfriend I describe as "a daft boy who has been spoiled by his parents for far too long". Don't do it!

Voyager2002

Hoopylass wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys, its reassuring to hear other peoples thoughts and to echo my own concerns.

In the future when we decide to have kids then my flat is not ideal ( no room for expansion etc) then yeah his parents place is ideal and like I have said to him - its not going anywhere.

He is adament that he is not moving into mine as its "too small" and I have "too much stuff" according to him. Im willing to clear out and sell stuff (have actually already started on this).

I just feel backed into a corner

I can well understand that he would not want to move into "your territory", but his comments about your life sound like a red flag to me.

Errata

Hoopylass wrote: »

Another factor that I didnt mention and I am concerned about is he has a sister .... she turned down the opportunity to move into the house as she has 2 kids.

BUT .... worst case scenario... years down the line and we are living there and his parents have passed on could his sister force a sale of the house?

The worst case scenario is his parents putting the house up for sale two weeks after you move in. He can go back to mummy and daddy - where will you go?

shop-to-drop

You are the only one with something to lose in this senario. Sounds like he wants to get the upper hand and control in the relationship which he will have once you lose your independence and security. His strops over you not just falling into line over this say a lot about him.