Sell my flat to move in with Boyfriend - complicated...

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

He is adament that he is not moving into mine as its "too small" and I have "too much stuff" according to him. Im willing to clear out and sell stuff (have actually already started on this).

You know what? He should be grateful that you invited him to come and live with you. Stop pandering to him and selling your stuff to please him.

Mojisola

Hoopylass wrote: »

As much as I appreciate the comments my bf is not a mean or horrible person, just a daft boy who has been spoiled by his parents for far too long.

No matter how nice he is, I wouldn't move in with him until he'd had a taste of living independently.

Spoiled children have very difficult lessons to learn before they become independent, self-sufficient adults. It's far easier for them to appoint a partner as a surrogate parent.

tea_lover

Hoopylass wrote: »

my bf is not a mean or horrible person, just a daft boy who has been spoiled by his parents for far too long.

Which is why giving up everything you've worked for and your security so his mum gets her own way would be a massive mistake.

Hoopylass

Another factor that I didnt mention and I am concerned about is he has a sister .... she turned down the opportunity to move into the house as she has 2 kids.

BUT .... worst case scenario... years down the line and we are living there and his parents have passed on could his sister force a sale of the house?

Mojisola

Hoopylass wrote: »

BUT .... worst case scenario... years down the line and we are living there and his parents have passed on could his sister force a sale of the house?

That depends on what their wills say.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

He IS mean if he is causing arguments with you and trying to co-erce you into doing something your not comfortable with. That's not what people who love each other do, people who love each other respect their partners decisions and are supportive of them. And if they have doubts they work to overcome them.

I'll ask again. When was the last time your boyfriend did something kind for you without being asked?

NinjaSavingKat

I would echo the sentiments of anyone saying you should be worried if you feel "backed into a corner". Your OH is going straight from Mum looking after him to you looking after him. That would frighten me. Perhaps suggest that you look into moving in together after he secures a job with a definitive set of hours otherwise who is going to pay for the bills when he loses his job - will he leave your flat and go an live with Mummy again.

He seems very young in his outlook. I wouldn't sell your flat at all. You know it would be complete madness if you go from security you can afford to insecurity and living in someone elses house.

He wants his cake and clearly isn't seeing the bigger situation... but I am interested as to the above comments from Mojisola... what are his redeeming qualities..?

Hoopylass

Rachylou1981 wrote: »

Also, even if he is adamant, you should be just as adamant. Something has to give and you shouldn't be forced into making such a life changing decision like that. He won't be giving anything up except moving out of his parents house and having financial responsibilities and can easily go back there if anything fails - you can't do that (which I know is hard to talk about with a partner as it sounds like you expect the relationship to fail)

Yeah he keeps saying that I dont have faith in the relationship because I have concerns financially.

adouglasmhor

Mojisola wrote: »

That depends on what their wills say.

And if BF stands up to his sister, as you are not married to him you probably wont get a direct say in any estate under Scots law.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Hoopylass wrote: »

Yeah he keeps saying that I dont have faith in the relationship because I have concerns financially.

THAT, my dear isn't true. That's just emotional blackmail designed to make you feel bad and for him to get his own way.