Sell my flat to move in with Boyfriend - complicated...

Mojisola

Hoopylass wrote: »

Yeah he keeps saying that I dont have faith in the relationship because I have concerns financially.

That rich coming from someone who, at 28, is still living off his parents income!

adouglasmhor

Hoopylass wrote: »

Yeah he keeps saying that I dont have faith in the relationship because I have concerns financially.

And that is a bad thing why?
If he values the relationship he will sort his life out, if he doesn't you have a future of bailing him out and supporting him to look forward too. Before you even think of kids together he needs to grow up.

Hoopylass

MY bf is a kind and caring person and would do anything for me ... He has stuck by me whilst I have been dealing with a difficult health situation.

He has grown up in a fortunate position where his parents have had money to do whatever they want and have spent their money on their children. This has reflected off onto my bf ... he is not a bad person just childish.

burnoutbabe

Is your flat actually very small? or just a normal sized 1 bed. What practically will he not be able to bring over. I did have to clear out a whole wardrobe when boyfriend moved in but was good to declutter the 3 wardrobes I had.

So he'd move in and best he doesn't pay any rent (so no risk of claiming he is paying the mortgage). But does pay half the bills/council tax/food. He then saves £x per month towards future house purchase.

So everyone is better off with this deal.

How much rent is his parents charging? if its zero, then you are better off renting out your 1 bed, which covers mortgage (maybe DON#t tell mortgage company) and you have save money.

heartbreak_star

In that case he needs to grow up - I really wouldn't put up with this.

My ex is an only child and I ended up being his mum. It's very, VERY draining.

HBS x

Tiddlywinks

Hoopylass wrote: »

MY bf is a kind and caring person and would do anything for me ... He has stuck by me whilst I have been dealing with a difficult health situation.

He has grown up in a fortunate position where his parents have had money to do whatever they want and have spent their money on their children. This has reflected off onto my bf ... he is not a bad person just childish.

Are you 'partners'? Equal partners? Because that is what a successful relationship is built around... being equal.

I don't mean 'equal' in assets or income but in being valued as an equal.

You feel backed into a corner - which means that you are not being listened to... your views are not considered of equal value.

I hear alarm bells ringing... and you are making excuses for him already... those bells are getting louder.

Mojisola

Hoopylass wrote: »

MY bf is a kind and caring person and would do anything for me

Will he stay kind and caring when he has to face up to the realities of managing life without Mum and Dad opening their wallets to rescue him?

Hoopylass

burnoutbabe wrote: »

Is your flat actually very small? or just a normal sized 1 bed. What practically will he not be able to bring over. I did have to clear out a whole wardrobe when boyfriend moved in but was good to declutter the 3 wardrobes I had.

So he'd move in and best he doesn't pay any rent (so no risk of claiming he is paying the mortgage). But does pay half the bills/council tax/food. He then saves £x per month towards future house purchase.

So everyone is better off with this deal.

How much rent is his parents charging? if its zero, then you are better off renting out your 1 bed, which covers mortgage (maybe DON#t tell mortgage company) and you have save money.

They havnt quoted a figure as such but have said they wouldnt charge market value if family rent it.

NinjaSavingKat

Hoopylass wrote: »

... he is not a bad person just childish.

He doesn't have to be a bad person though for you not to want to move in with him. And yes I wouldn't have faith in a relationship if the biggest decision of your lives is being taken this lightly and in such a childish manner.. money shouldn't be important but it is... you NEED to feel comforatble with every aspect of this man before you move in with him and that means financially as well. Does he get that?..

SavingPennies_2

Don't sell your flat.

If you break up, no matter who instigates it, you will be out on our ear with nothing to show for it. He is their son, you are not married, so he will be well provided for and the house will be his eventually anyway. It's understanable they want to protect their house and their son but who's got your back? You need to cover yourself.

If you want to live together, rent your place while you move in together then you have it to fall back on, I cant see the need to sell it.

If you decide to marry then perhaps the 4 bed could still be your future house, but you could buy it, so it could be both your homes.

I agree it would be good for him to have some time living away from his parents before you move in together. My OH lived at home till he was 28 and was very much looked after. When we moved in together he just behaved as if he was still living with his parents as he had no experience of what its like not to have someone doing all the housework and picking up after him. As much as I love him, I did, and still sometimes do, feel like his mother.

Edited to add: Why does he want you to sell your flat? You wont need the money if you are renting. Why not rent out your flat until you decide to marry and/or buy a place together, then sell it and use they money for a deposit, that way youre never off the ladder?