Sell my flat to move in with Boyfriend - complicated...

19lottie82

You'll be the one giving up your security, not him.

I'd suggest he moves in with you, and then you re assess the situation in a year.

If he refuses to accept that, then...... well the choice is yours.

PS Have you showed him the difference in utilities and council tax between your flat and a 4 bed house?

Hoopylass

dancingfairy wrote: »

. In terms of finacially though, if you moved in with them and things didn't work out then you would have the money from the sale of your house to rely on wouldn't you?
df

No as when I last got the flat valued I was told I would more than likely break even so I would be walking away with nothing and end up with debt by the time I have paid solicitors etc.

lostinrates

Hoopylass wrote: »

I just feel backed into a corner

This in itself would concern me.

I can also understand him not wanting to move into your space, but letting yours and renting somewhere together that is 'neutral' territory, and size appropriate to see how you cope living together would be a fair compromise wouldn't it?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Why do you feel backed into a corner Hoopylass? That's not good.

Is there any reason why things can't stay as they are? Why can't he move into the big house on his own? Oh, because he needs you to finance it so that he can reap the rewards of actually owning it one day.

Seriously, alarm bells are ringing for me here.

What was the last kind thing your boyfriend did for you without being asked?

LEJC

dancingfairy wrote: »

I can understand not wanting to move into his familys home to be honest as it won't be YOUR home. In terms of finacially though, if you moved in with them and things didn't work out then you would have the money from the sale of your house to rely on wouldn't you?
df

You will also have your landlord inspecting their property everytime they visit you and their son...it may become difficult to get any rolling repairs done on the property that as tenants you would expect to be carried out by the landlord...need I carry on with the list that would also include many more obligations that as landlords they should provide and as tenants you should expect...

Sorry this type of "letting agreement " rarely works!!!

Hoopylass

19lottie82 wrote: »

You'll be the one giving up your security, not him.

I'd suggest he moves in with you, and then you re assess the situation in a year.

If he refuses to accept that, then...... well the choice is yours.

PS Have you showed him the difference in utilities and council tax between your flat and a 4 bed house?

Thank you ... that is exactly what I have suggested to him.

Mojisola

Hoopylass wrote: »

Ive been with my bf for 2 years and we are in the process of talking about marriage and stuff. Im 32 and he is 28.

He still lives at home with his affluent parents and after being unemployed for pretty much our entire relationship is finally work as a security guard.

I also have concerns that work for my bf may dry up ( he is on a zero hrs contract) and his answer is if it doesnt work out he just moves home to mum and dad .... well where does that leave me? My mum lives in a one bed flat also.

Hoopylass wrote: »

In the future when we decide to have kids then my flat is not ideal ( no room for expansion etc) then yeah his parents place is ideal and like I have said to him - its not going anywhere.

He is adament that he is not moving into mine as its "too small" and I have "too much stuff" according to him. Im willing to clear out and sell stuff (have actually already started on this). (

What redeeming qualities does he have that makes you want to marry him and have children with him?

Does everything have to done his way?

He's been unemployed for years but is too good to move into a small flat with you?

tea_lover

He could move into the rented place on his own for a year. Gives him opportunity to learn to do things for himself (I'd be very wary of him moving straight from home to yours). Would also give you both some time to save up, and for the price of your house to maybe go up.

Then see how things are after that. There's no way I'd be giving up my security to move in with someone else's family (which is in effect what would be happening). If he's trying to force you to do that I wouldn't be moving anywhere with him.

Hoopylass

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow wrote: »

Why do you feel backed into a corner Hoopylass? That's not good.

Is there any reason why things can't stay as they are? Why can't he move into the big house on his own? Oh, because he needs you to finance it so that he can reap the rewards of actually owning it one day.

Seriously, alarm bells are ringing for me here.

What was the last kind thing your boyfriend did for you without being asked?

I have suggested he move in by himself as its only 5 mins away from me so would still see him and stuff.

As much as I appreciate the comments my bf is not a mean or horrible person, just a daft boy who has been spoiled by his parents for far too long.

Rachylou1981

Hoopylass wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys, its reassuring to hear other peoples thoughts and to echo my own concerns.

In the future when we decide to have kids then my flat is not ideal ( no room for expansion etc) then yeah his parents place is ideal and like I have said to him - its not going anywhere.

He is adament that he is not moving into mine as its "too small" and I have "too much stuff" according to him. Im willing to clear out and sell stuff (have actually already started on this).

I just feel backed into a corner

When you plan to have children, that is when you would plan to sell your flat/rent it out and move into a bigger place. 4 bedrooms is a bit OTT for just you two for now though unless you are planning on children soon. 19Lottie82 has an excellent point about looking at the costs of the rented vs your flat.

Also, even if he is adamant, you should be just as adamant. Something has to give and you shouldn't be forced into making such a life changing decision like that. He won't be giving anything up except moving out of his parents house and having financial responsibilities and can easily go back there if anything fails - you can't do that (which I know is hard to talk about with a partner as it sounds like you expect the relationship to fail)