Sell my flat to move in with Boyfriend - complicated...

Hoopylass

Ive done a few searches and not been able to find any posts relevant to my situation so Im seeking some advice from you lovely peeps!

Ive been with my bf for 2 years and we are in the process of talking about marriage and stuff. Im 32 and he is 28.

I have my own 1 bed place mortgaged with NRAM (I know...I know) and am quite happy in my wee flat, been here for 8 years.

He still lives at home with his affluent parents and after being unemployed for pretty much our entire relationship is finally work as a security guard.

His parents have been doing up a 4 bed house that they bought from his Gran who is no longer with us and its now ready to be rented out. They want it to stay in the family and my bf is keen for us to move into it.

My issue? Well ... he simply thinks I should sell my flat and rent with him. His parents have said they wouldn't charge an extortionate rent but at the end of the day it wouldn't be our home.

I know the option is there to possibly rent my house out for a few years if NRAM agree to it but truth be told I feel that it would totally stupidity for me to step off the property ladder to rent again when I have no issues in paying my mortgage.

Before I met my bf I was thinking about moving and I did value my flat and was told that I would be lucky to break even if I sold. Thankfully Im not in too much negative equity.

I also have concerns that work for my bf may dry up ( he is on a zero hrs contract) and his answer is if it doesnt work out he just moves home to mum and dad .... well where does that leave me? My mum lives in a one bed flat also.

Ideally I would like him to move in with me for a year or 2 to make sure that financially we would be able to afford a bigger place.

Its causing massive arguements and I would be grateful for any advice at all as hopefully someone on here may have been in a similer situation:(

heartbreak_star

It will stay in the family no matter who rents it. They will own it.

I'd be tempted to get him to move in with you...you really don't need a 4 bed house!

Your bf seems to not quite be living in the real world. Not sure what to advise but if I were you I would be digging my heels in and not letting his parents run our relationship.

Good luck!

HBS x

Mojisola

Hoopylass wrote: »

He still lives at home with his affluent parents and after being unemployed for pretty much our entire relationship is finally work as a security guard.

I wouldn't move in with someone with this background until he'd lived away from home for a while and learnt the reality of being responsible for his own life.

I wouldn't give up my home and risk becoming his second Mum!

Voyager2002

If you don't want to sell your flat, no-one should pressure you to do so. Period.

A four-bedroom house is not really suitable for a couple: either his parents would be charging a below-market rent, or you would be paying more than necessary for rent. Either way, that would strain relationships with them, and potentially with him as well.

Firstly, I think you should do some research on exactly what would be involved in letting your flat. You need to KNOW whether this would be a feasible option, and what the costs would be.

Secondly, if you two decide to live together than find a landlord who is not part of the family, so that business relationships do not get in the way of family relationships.

LEJC

Personally I would not go near the rental that your bf parents are doing....let them rent it out to market value and you go off and do whatever with your bf...either live in your flat or put it on the market in order to look for something else.
renting to or from a family member is not an ideal situation ...the boundries between land lord and tenant become blurred thank them politely for their kind offer but move on

The house is still " in the family" whether you rent it or anyone else rents it...
Its probably time that your bf left the family fold and started his life with you in a place together.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

You are a hard--working, financially astute, solvent sensible woman with her own property.

Please don't give that up for a work-shy low paid security guard who is pressurising you into doing so and causing arguments with you just because you said the word "no" to him

He has everything to gain from this situation and you have everything to lose. Why should you take that risk.

Not only would I not do what he is asking, I'd probably dump him while I was at it. He doesn't sound very nice to me.

Errata

I also have concerns that work for my bf may dry up ( he is on a zero hrs contract) and his answer is if it doesnt work out he just moves home to mum and dad .... well where does that leave me?

Probably paying all the rent and the mortgage on your flat which nobody wants to buy. Enjoy!

lostinrates

Why would two people with no kids want to heat a four bedroom house?

dancingfairy

So you appear to have various options:
a) he moves in with you
b) you sell and move in with him (in his familys home).
c) you rent out your house and move in with him (into his familys home).
d) you rent somewhere together.

I can understand not wanting to move into his familys home to be honest as it won't be YOUR home. In terms of finacially though, if you moved in with them and things didn't work out then you would have the money from the sale of your house to rely on wouldn't you?
df

Rachylou1981

There is no way I would give up my owned property to go into a rented place with a boyfriend whose family owned it - it screams of potential problems i.e. what would happen if you split? You have given up your independence and would be left with nothing. He could still live in the place and kick you out as his parents are the landlords.

I would suggest him moving in with you and saving up a deposit for your own home if that is what you both want for the future.

I have similarities in that I am 32 and my boyf is 27. I own my house and he rents with a mate. My house has issues (currently addressing them) and he doesn't really want to live where I live but the mortgage is very low and we can save lots by living there and so that is the plan and the only one that makes sense really. I don't think he would have dreamed asking me to sell mine and move into his rental.

Also, you need to know you are compatible living together too - something me and my boyf will learn in 2014 :eek:

Hoopylass

Thanks for the advice guys, its reassuring to hear other peoples thoughts and to echo my own concerns.

In the future when we decide to have kids then my flat is not ideal ( no room for expansion etc) then yeah his parents place is ideal and like I have said to him - its not going anywhere.

He is adament that he is not moving into mine as its "too small" and I have "too much stuff" according to him. Im willing to clear out and sell stuff (have actually already started on this).

I just feel backed into a corner