Christmas - I know it's early but..

pingufan

Gigglepig wrote: »

I would either have a word with other family members to ensure she could stay with them, or try to make the arrangements more tolerable

For example

- making the visit no more than 2 nights. Just say youbhave oter plans after christmas this year.
-inviting another family member she can chat to so she won't need your undivided attention.
- focus on some activities/tings that work - will she sit down with a book and a drink? Is there anything you might enjoy doing together as a family?

Lol, I havent enough chairs really as it is so no room for another relative - my MIL used to come so she would chat to her but to be honest I'm fed up of having a houseful that I have to wait on anyway!

She doesnt drink. If she's doing the crossword she'll ask you EVERY question

Soleil_lune

pingufan wrote: »

I wish it were so easy. To be fair I am the closest (emotionally being) to her and it's just taken for granted now that she comes to me. If I called my auntie and said I couldnt have her this year my nan would be devastated - I can't do it to her. My nan regularly says she's not close to anyone else and she's glad she's got me..

I'll have her but see if she can go to Aunties the day after boxing day which is a bit earlier than she usually goes. I'm working a bit between xmas and NY so I'll use that as an excurse - nan won't like the thought of staying there for long periods with OH for company as he will just go sit in the other room (he wont be company as he won't sit and yap all morning to her).

I even can't wander off and do housework as she's calling after me 'where are you?' 'what are you doing?' 'Leave that now and come sit and talk to me' lol. So I tell her I'm busy but she'll even come and sit in the room to watch me ironing! :eek:

Sorry then OP, if you're not going to be strong and assertive and take some of the (good) advice given, then this old lady will continue to emotionally blackmail you, and your rellies will continue to let her do it!

You have got to to be stronger and tougher than this as it's not fair on your family. You say in your original post how your Christmasses have been ruined, and yet don't seem to really be taking any notice of the advice people are giving.

I am a bit confused now TBH. It's like you hate the situation, but aren't going to make much effort to remedy it.

pingufan

margaretclare wrote: »

I detest people who use their age as an excuse for everything. You say Gran has built up a huge social network of activities. OK. There are activities that people can do over Christmas/New Year. I suggested Saga. Seriously. Or any of the coach companies?

We went away for Christmas about 3 years ago, to a hotel in Coventry, just because we wanted to go to the Christmas Eve service in Coventry Cathedral, and the hotel was full of wrinklies. 6 coaches full. I hadn't realised that all the local coach companies do this. Picked up with suitcase at the door, all your wants and needs catered for. Look up a local coach company and see what's on offer. Maybe the family could club together and pay for it for her, for her Christmas present?

She wouldnt even entertain the thought of going away for Christmas - apparentlly all her friends Children (in their 50's / 60's themselves) all fall over their elderly parents to have them for Xmas. I think she would miss my grandad more than ever if she was away from family. No one can replace him see so she's just not happy really which has turned her into a miserable old lady at times...

kkgree1

I can quite relate to this as we have my mother-in-law with us every Christmas. She may go to my sister-in-law's for Christmas day itself (if it's her year to host) but she will always stay with us afterwards as she sees it as her "holiday". Last year I really struggled with as she stayed from Christmas Day evening until New Year's Eve. The house is never warm enough for her too and her illness means she doesn't want to go out and just wants to sit in front of the TV for days on end. We're hosting Christmas this year and I've struck a compromise with my husband in that he'll collect her Christmas eve then take her back on 28th. This will then give us a few days to enjoy before New Year.

pingufan

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Sorry then OP, if you're not going to be strong and assertive and take some of the (good) advice given, then this old lady will continue to emotionally blackmail you, and your rellies will continue to let her do it!

You have got to to be stronger and tougher than this as it's not fair on your family. You say in your original post how your Christmasses have been ruined, and yet don't seem to really be taking any notice of the advice people are giving.

I am a bit confused now TBH. It's like you hate the situation, but aren't going to make much effort to remedy it.

I havent said that my Christmasses have been 'ruined' - we've always had nice Christmasses and the kids haven't ever said they don;t want her to come - they've never known it any different so It passes over their heads. I suppose I wish that some Christmasses we could share her out a bit more. My parents just wouldnt have her - my auntie 'doesn't really have the room'..so I can't see her be on her own. Yes, Its a rod I have made for my own back and the only way I can kindly break it is by actually going away over Christmas and I don't want to do that - I like it in my own home but would like it to be more relaxed too.

Threebabes

You sound as good as gold.

Have her over but keep the stay shorter than usual. Good luck :-)

carolan78

pingufan wrote: »

I wish it were so easy. To be fair I am the closest (emotionally being) to her and it's just taken for granted now that she comes to me. If I called my auntie and said I couldnt have her this year my nan would be devastated - I can't do it to her. My nan regularly says she's not close to anyone else and she's glad she's got me..

I'll have her but see if she can go to Aunties the day after boxing day which is a bit earlier than she usually goes. I'm working a bit between xmas and NY so I'll use that as an excurse - nan won't like the thought of staying there for long periods with OH for company as he will just go sit in the other room (he wont be company as he won't sit and yap all morning to her).

I even can't wander off and do housework as she's calling after me 'where are you?' 'what are you doing?' 'Leave that now and come sit and talk to me' lol. So I tell her I'm busy but she'll even come and sit in the room to watch me ironing! :eek:

I'm sorry but i do think you are been rather selfish! This seems to be all about what your Nan wants and YOUR feelings. What about your DH and children that won't feel the guilt you do? It is their home and day too.

BJV

I do understand. My nan and granddad used to stay with us over Christmas when I was little. I got really annoyed as My nan always used to stay in my room so I was turfed out to stay in my sisters. We used to moan and groan but OMG would give anything for it now.

TBH I would talk to her and your family. That said no matter what you do it will a family hot potato.

Good luck

pingufan

Life is too short to have bad feeling - especially to a nan who has been 'as good as gold' to me over the years. Its a shame she's become so bloomin difficult as she's got old. Since my grandad died she'd become bitter and demanding - I think she tries not to be like it but the holiday season almost seems to bring it out of her...

pingufan

carolan78 wrote: »

I'm sorry but i do think you are been rather selfish! This seems to be all about what your Nan wants and YOUR feelings. What about your DH and children that won't feel the guilt you do? It is their home and day too.

Why thank you - lovely reply...I wish I could see everything as 'black and white' as you....