Christmas - I know it's early but..

margaretclare

pingufan wrote: »

We have 2 living rooms! But she's so ridiculously needy that she won't sit anywhere on her own!

Well, you said you're not going to pander to her every whim. That's one 'whim' which has definitely gotta go!

You can tell, I used to teach an 'assertiveness for women' course!

tayforth

Well done, pingufan!

LannieDuck

Sounds like a good compromise, but I really feel that you need a year off at some point. It's not that you don't want to see granny/don't like her staying, but you've had 12 xmases with her, and it's completely reasonable to want one with just you, OH and the children before they get too old.

I think your parents and your aunt are being utterly selfish. Having granny to stay for one christmas won't kill them. If you aunt doesn't have space at her house, she can go and stay with granny for the holiday. And it's perfectly possible to arrange it so granny doesn't feel upset - your Dad/aunt just needs to say how much they'd like to have her to stay over christmas one year. A little white lie never hurt anyone.

I have a daughter, and when my parents get to your gran's age, I wouldn't dream of leaving DD to sort them (or PILs) out over xmas. It's in no way her (or your) responsibility.

When your parents start to get elderly and lonely, are they going to expect to come and stay with you for xmas? Or will they be happy for you to treat them the same way they're treating their parents?

burnoutbabe

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Spending ALL Christmas Eve, Christmas day, and Boxing day (and sometimes even more of the Christmas break,) with someone other than your partner and kids (and often someone you are not fond of!) is just so weird IMO. I have never done it, and never will.

Surely you spent 20 or so years having xmas with your parents? So why weird to still see them at xmas. And do you want your kids to ditch you the second they have a partner?

pingufan

As with all families it's not very straight forward. I don't bother much with my parents hence being close to Gran and her helping me out by babysitting every now & again. (I call it babysitting but mine are older now and they just need an adult there - no actual 'babysitting')

I think Aunt feels that as we have this relationship (and she doesnt really) that its my duty to have her too. Its all a bit complicated - I think Aunt is slightly jealous of me and Grans closeness.

Still doesnt mean Gran can't be a difficult houseguest though!

LannieDuck

pingufan wrote: »

As with all families it's not very straight forward. I don't bother much with my parents hence being close to Gran and her helping me out by babysitting every now & again. (I call it babysitting but mine are older now and they just need an adult there - no actual 'babysitting')

I think Aunt feels that as we have this relationship (and she doesnt really) that its my duty to have her too. Its all a bit complicated - I think Aunt is slightly jealous of me and Grans closeness.

Still doesnt mean Gran can't be a difficult houseguest though!

The fact that you don't bother much with your parents doesn't absolve them of some responsibility towards gran (unless they've cut contact with her for some reason?).

It's absolutely not your duty to have her. You've voluntarily had her over xmas for 12 years because you like spending time with her and don't like seeing her lonely. But it's perfectly ok to have a year with your children for one year. The fact you're close to gran doesn't mean aunty can't have her to stay once in 12 years.