Christmas - I know it's early but..

suejb2

I think you and your family have gone ABCD Above and Beyond the Call of Duty for the past 12 years but now it's time to take back Christmas for yourselves,as others have suggested start now, nice and early to arrange who has her when and how long.
Reading your posts ,however,I feel you will cave in and she will be at yours again. You won't take any of these good suggestions on board

pingufan

I have just got off the phone to her daughter - my auntie. I have explained that I am working between Xmas & NY this year so she can stay with me from Xmas Eve until 27th but if she could go across to aunties then until New Year then I would appreciate it.

Aunty uhhmed and aahed - not sure if I'll have room if all the kids and their respective girlfriends & boyfriends stay over - uuhmm well I said sorry but its awkward as I won't be around and hubby will be wanting to go out with the kids whilst I'm in work. She's going to 'have a chat' with her kids to see what they are doing and where they are going to be. Her kids - my cousins all have homes of their own too....sheesh

pelirocco

margaretclare wrote: »

I detest people who use their age as an excuse for everything. You say Gran has built up a huge social network of activities. OK. There are activities that people can do over Christmas/New Year. I suggested Saga. Seriously. Or any of the coach companies?

We went away for Christmas about 3 years ago, to a hotel in Coventry, just because we wanted to go to the Christmas Eve service in Coventry Cathedral, and the hotel was full of wrinklies. 6 coaches full. I hadn't realised that all the local coach companies do this. Picked up with suitcase at the door, all your wants and needs catered for. Look up a local coach company and see what's on offer. Maybe the family could club together and pay for it for her, for her Christmas present?

Re read your post .. WE went away , just because WE wanted to

There is a huge gap between going away as a couple and going away as a single 86 year old

Im at an age where we have aging parents , sadly only my mum left now , shes 83 lives alone and still 'at the moment' in pretty good health body wise and mentally wise , but i'm sure there will come a time when this will change

Sadly most people as they get older/frailure can become more difficult , its just a fact of life and will most probably happen you or I ( despite saying we wont get like that )

Its unfair maybe that its all left to the OP , but it wont be for ever and we should all make the most of what time we have

Surely at the end of the day we are judged by what we have done not what we have

scottishminnie

How far away do your aunts and uncles stay? Even if nan is staying with you there is no reason (distance permitting) that each of her children can't take a day each when they come and collect her in the morning, take her to their place/out somewehere for the day before returning her to your home in the evening. It's not a complete break however it would allow yourself and the family some time alone.

I appreciate how difficult it can be - neither of my grandmothers are alive now and whilst I could cheerfully have strangled them at Christmas for some of the reasons you mentioned I do miss them both.
At 86 she won't be around for ever.

pingufan

scottishminnie wrote: »

How far away do your aunts and uncles stay? Even if nan is staying with you there is no reason (distance permitting) that each of her children can't take a day each when they come and collect her in the morning, take her to their place/out somewehere for the day before returning her to your home in the evening. It's not a complete break however it would allow yourself and the family some time alone.

I appreciate how difficult it can be - neither of my grandmothers are alive now and whilst I could cheerfully have strangled them at Christmas for some of the reasons you mentioned I do miss them both.
At 86 she won't be around for ever.

My cousins will all be FAR too busy leading their child free lifestyles - going out till early hours and staying in bed till midday to bother thinking about nan. I am the eldest grandchild and have always been the most close to her - she has truly been like a mother to me as mine wasn't a mum to me at all.

The problem is that she's become so difficult as she's got older! She's just not easy to have around for any length of time. For some reason - probably as I'm a grandchild and she still thinks I'm 8 years old - she feels she can be really opinionated about everything to do with my kids, hubby, home and when she's got an opinion then she'll outright tell you! Christmas can be a fraught enough time anyway and I can do without any extra stress!

I've actually lost my temper with her before when she's overstepped the mark and she gets all sniffy then - no one cares about her etc..

And I don't want to feel like that at Xmas

Janey3

pingufan wrote: »

I have just got off the phone to her daughter - my auntie. I have explained that I am working between Xmas & NY this year so she can stay with me from Xmas Eve until 27th but if she could go across to aunties then until New Year then I would appreciate it.

Aunty uhhmed and aahed - not sure if I'll have room if all the kids and their respective girlfriends & boyfriends stay over - uuhmm well I said sorry but its awkward as I won't be around and hubby will be wanting to go out with the kids whilst I'm in work. She's going to 'have a chat' with her kids to see what they are doing and where they are going to be. Her kids - my cousins all have homes of their own too....sheesh

Well done for phoning - let's hope a bit of true Christmas spirit touches them!

pingufan

pelirocco wrote: »

Re read your post .. WE went away , just because WE wanted to

There is a huge gap between going away as a couple and going away as a single 86 year old

Im at an age where we have aging parents , sadly only my mum left now , shes 83 lives alone and still 'at the moment' in pretty good health body wise and mentally wise , but i'm sure there will come a time when this will change

Sadly most people as they get older/frailure can become more difficult , its just a fact of life and will most probably happen you or I ( despite saying we wont get like that )

Its unfair maybe that its all left to the OP , but it wont be for ever and we should all make the most of what time we have

Surely at the end of the day we are judged by what we have done not what we have

And a huge part of me thinks like this. But at the same time I'd love a Christmas that's just us. But I know that when she does eventually go I will probably miss her more than anything

margaretclare

Yes, we did go away because we wanted to. We've been away for several Christmases. The worst thing I can imagine is descending on any relatives, playing the age card and making a darned nuisance of ourselves. I've vowed I would never do it, and even if/when one us is left on his/her own, we still won't do it.

Way back I suggested Saga. Reason: they do 'singles' breaks for people who are going to be on their own and don't want to stay at home over Christmas. A lot of the people in that hotel at Coventry were single older people. They were warm, fed, entertained, and that was what they wanted. Quite a few people now - of all ages - do go away for Christmas. 2 years now, DH's son and family have gone ski-ing starting Boxing Day. Everyone has their own arrangements. I recall the first Christmas I was widowed. I came back from working in the Middle East - everyone had made arrangements, I was alone.

Year on year I get more and more disillusioned about the whole Christmas thing. Pingu, you're the first, but I'm sure you won't be the last to start a thread like this, because every year it happens all over again. The reality does not match the hype. 2.5 months still to go, and you have to spend ages worrying about it. Is it worth it?

pingufan

Thanks but she is of the opinion that her family SHOULD care for her and accomodate her. She wouldn't go away on her own at any time of year - especially Christmas - she wouldn't have the confidence to go on her own - she's 86 see! x

margaretclare

pingufan wrote: »

Thanks but she is of the opinion that her family SHOULD care for her and accomodate her. She wouldn't go away on her own at any time of year - especially Christmas - she wouldn't have the confidence to go on her own - she's 86 see! x

It would be difficult if she's never done it and never wants to do it, but that's what Saga is based on and they understand.

However, her opinion is that her family should accommodate her....but you and your own immediate family are the only ones who do so, and because you've pandered to her wishes over 12 years, all the other relatives are more than happy to allow you to continue. I think you are going to have to talk to other family members - you've already started - but be a lot more assertive than you've been in the past, including when Gran actually arrives. It should be your house, your rules, she is a guest and should live as you live.

PS: If the TV is not loud enough for her, how about sub-titles? Or her own set of earphones?