Christmas - I know it's early but..

margaretclare

I detest people who use their age as an excuse for everything. You say Gran has built up a huge social network of activities. OK. There are activities that people can do over Christmas/New Year. I suggested Saga. Seriously. Or any of the coach companies?

We went away for Christmas about 3 years ago, to a hotel in Coventry, just because we wanted to go to the Christmas Eve service in Coventry Cathedral, and the hotel was full of wrinklies. 6 coaches full. I hadn't realised that all the local coach companies do this. Picked up with suitcase at the door, all your wants and needs catered for. Look up a local coach company and see what's on offer. Maybe the family could club together and pay for it for her, for her Christmas present?

aileth

Christmas is family time, so surely granny should be shared amongst the family?

SavingPennies_2

I think you should speak to her children and tell them its thier turn to play host, no room is not an excuse, arrangements can always be made if necessary. They have taken it for granted that you will put her up each year. You can still have her to stay after Christmas so she wont feel she has missed out on seeing you.

carolan78

I would be telling the aunts and uncles you want the day as a family for a change as the kids aren't getting any younger and you can only enjoy them at Christmas for a few short years. They should all understand this, surely one of them can have gran for xmas and boxing day and her come to stay at yours for one or two nights after?

fake_smile

Wow, I hope I'm not going to be this much of a 'burden' in my twilight years.

Soleil_lune

I agree with the majority here - except the post above from scooby08! You need to say NO. Someone else needs to take their turn; this is remarkably unfair on you AND your family. Your aunts and uncles have 'no room? Bull!

Is there any travelodge or something near you? Sounds silly, but last year, we paid for a relative of my OH's (who lives 160 miles away,) to have 3 nights in there (it was 5 miles from us,) so they could see us at Christmas and we could go out for a couple of meals, and go around the shops with them, and then we could go back to our home, after we had driven them back to the lodge.

On Christmas day, they came and stayed from midday til five and they got a cab to the lodge.

Could you explore an option like this? You could see her and make her feel wanted, but have some privacy and family time. Christmas sounds awful in your home... I am so sorry for you. But I do feel sorry for your lonely gran too. However, it is not up to you, to always be the one to accommodate her.

Or maybe as margeret clare suggested above ^^^ plan a vacation for your immediate family and tell gran AND the rest of the family that you can't have her this year.

All that said though; the rest of your family are selfish. I hope the lady leaves you EVERYthing in her will. Although these kind of people sound like the sort to contest it, even though they have done nothing to deserve anything from her!

fabforty

I agree with the others, that you need to say 'no' and let the other members of the family share the responsibility. However, you can't then expect her to come around to look after the children while you and OH go out.
Perhaps your husband and children realise that there are other places that she can go to.

nikki11

OP I'm sure your Gran isn't a burden, but you've been 'having' her at Christmas for 12 years, and you deserve at least one year just you,DH and kids.

At the end of the day her children should be taking it in turns to have her each year or coming to some sort of arrangement. I would contact them and just say you can't have her for Christmas this year. Good Luck and let us know how you get on!:)

lostinrates

Op even of you really feel you HAVE to have her, I think the other branches of your 'close' family could be enlisted to have her to lunches/suppers during the season to give you guys some family time.

I'm guessing that distance might be an issue if she is staying with you rather than visiting daily, if not, is there any mileage In have daily visits, or second daily visits, rather than the long stay? I know petrol would be a lot, but the 'breather' might be worth the expense?

pingufan

I wish it were so easy. To be fair I am the closest (emotionally being) to her and it's just taken for granted now that she comes to me. If I called my auntie and said I couldnt have her this year my nan would be devastated - I can't do it to her. My nan regularly says she's not close to anyone else and she's glad she's got me..

I'll have her but see if she can go to Aunties the day after boxing day which is a bit earlier than she usually goes. I'm working a bit between xmas and NY so I'll use that as an excurse - nan won't like the thought of staying there for long periods with OH for company as he will just go sit in the other room (he wont be company as he won't sit and yap all morning to her).

I even can't wander off and do housework as she's calling after me 'where are you?' 'what are you doing?' 'Leave that now and come sit and talk to me' lol. So I tell her I'm busy but she'll even come and sit in the room to watch me ironing! :eek: