Don't know what to do

thorsoak

You and your mum were brave enough to get away from this monster - so you are brave and strong enough to ignore Granny! Just stay away. And if Granny should give him your address, do not let him in.

Yoshi2

SueC wrote: »

Tell granny, if she loved you she wouldn't ask. Smile sagely as you say it.

Your father controlled you as a child. Don't let him do it now you're an adult.

If this meeting is not something you want, you can, and should, refuse it.

And I predict you will feel so much better if you do that and take control of your life back.

Being strong is sometimes hard, but oh so worth it in the long run. Good luck.

That's actually what I'd say to anyone else if they suggested this meeting (if they loved me they wouldn't ask) but I couldn't dare to turn the word on granny. She would get upset, and probably start crying. Then it would be my fault. She lives with my good auntie, so then she would be left with the fallout.

The meeting is definitely something I don't want. When I heard about it, I wished I lived in the far end of the world so I wouldn't have to go. Would nearly pack my bags and go now, only Mum needs me, there is a lot she can't manage with her ms. And I wouldn't have the money to go anyway.

The only way I can be strong in this situation is to act 'strong' by going to see the piece of scum. I can't even refuse to go or granny would never let me hear the end of it, and she'd make my aunties say stuff to me too. I've another aunt who's not a nice one, and she'd delight in having a go at me.

Thank you for the good luck wishes, I've a feeling I'm going to need it

Yoshi2

thorsoak wrote: »

You and your mum were brave enough to get away from this monster - so you are brave and strong enough to ignore Granny! Just stay away. And if Granny should give him your address, do not let him in.

Unfortunately he know where I live, as granny made mum buy him out when they split up. We didn't want to stay, and never got a new place with a fresh start. We had to stay here with all the bad old memories. Though we're selling up now He'll not be getting the new address that's for sure.

Any

What the thell??
"If you love me you will go and see him?"
Are you sure she is not his mother? She carries on with emotional blackmail like they are of the same blood!!

You do NOT have to go. You do not have to exactly stand up to granny. You just say "if you loved me you would never ask" and leave it at that.

It's absolutely disgusting what her and your father are trying to do to you.

It is time you spoke out. There is no reasong for angry, emotional or threatening behaviour, just say NO and leave it at that.
You might find that sometimes quiet but resounding NO from someone that it is not expected of makes the bullies surprised and to stop.

kazwookie

Don't go unless YOU want to.

If you give in now, you will always be giving in, and your father will be controlling you again.

Yoshi2

CHRISSYG wrote: »

it sounds like he is still trying to control you op , stand your ground and tell your gran to go meet him if she wants to but you are busy that day !

Yes, you're exactly right, he is still trying to control me. And he knows exactly what buttons to press to make it happen. If he's sent me his stupid letter, I'd have binned it and there'd have been no meeting. He knows granny is too sentimental 'at the end of the day he's your father', that sort of thing, and that she'll force me to go. He probably did it to hurt mum too.

Can't tell granny to go and meet him as she's not able to get out of the house these days with bad health. Nobody could say something like that to her anyway, it would be too cheeky a thing to say to her. Though if it was anybody else making me go to see him, I'd tell them if he's that great, go and see him themselves.

Doesn't matter if I'm busy that day, I'd be expected to cancel any plans to suit him. Or rearrange for another day, so prolonging the agony.

Yoshi2

CH27 wrote: »

Tell Granny to butt out!

I wish!

CH27 wrote: »

It is your decision if you want to meet him.

I wish!

thorsoak

Practise saying "no - I'm NOT going to see him". It won't kill granny - but it will empower you.

You can do it!

duchy

Tell Granny you are going........and then don't go.
If she asks why -say something came up (and no more detail). If you keep doing this eventually this stranger will get fed up and give up trying to see you.

Or give her a huge shock and simply say "No I don't want to-He has not being a part of my life for years by his choice " If she kicks off...she kicks off ..... Just keep saying-He chose to have no contact-now it's my turn. No-one can force you ......although they might be surprised not to get their own way for once.
This man is verbally abusive-speak to Women's Aid for advice and support-the fact he is your father and not a partner doesn't matter.

As for knowing where you live...if he turns up- refuse to engage with him.....and call the police if he won't go away.

tea_lover

Is this your mum's mum?? Putting her own daughter and grandaughter through this? Tell her to swivel.