Don't know what to do

Vicky123

So pleased you won't be meeting him and also getting counseling.
I still think you need to make granny a priority though, don't forget to mention her part in this latest upset, you need a strategy to manage this situation.

thick_tom

have nothing whatsoever to do with him.

Dimey

And did Granny have a seizure - No.

Sounds like you have two people you can rely on OP, Good Aunt and your Mum. You should buy your good Aunt a bunch of flowers to say thanks.

It would appear good Aunt didn't know the extent of your Father's abuse till your Mum told her yesterday. It would help if you and your Mum told good Aunt everything then good Aunt knows how important her support is to you. It will help her stand up to Granny. Support works both ways. There's nothing to be gained by keeping secrets from your Mum and good Aunt.

Edit: Beware Granny in future. Granny's allegiance with your abuser is nothing short of disgusting. Keep away from her as much as you can and now you know you can stand up to her, don't let her or her fake threats, intimidate you.

Please get your thinking corrected in respect of Granny. You said "Granny is depressed and delicate after coming out of hospital with an infection." Oh please! You are depressed after a 30 year lifetime of physical and mental abuse from your own father. Your own Granny is complicit in supporting your abuser. Granny isn't depressed, her little infection is nothing compared to what you live with. Granny doesn't deserve your empathy.

The counselling is essential. How wise of you. I'm glad you are going to do it. It may need someone more specialist than your Uni counsellor. Ask your GP to refer you. Also go to Womens Aid for advice.

You have done well Yoshi2. You changed the outcome. This can be the start of your independent life. Grab it with both hands. I hope you and your Mum will find peace and happiness.

Pollycat

I'm glad you don't have to meet up with this man who made your life (and that of your Mum) so miserable.

But, I can't quite understand why it was called off so suddenly.
One minute you're going (under duress), the next it's off.

Yoshi2 wrote: »

Mum rang my aunt back and told her about the times I had hurt myself because I hated myself so much. My opinion of myself was so low because of everything he had done, that's what made me do it. Auntie was off the phone in a flash, then rang back and said I don't have to go, its all sorted now.

Did your 'good' Aunt really not know what had happened between your Father, Mum & you during all those years until yesterday?

I'm very pleased to hear about the counselling.
A friend of mine had a few sessions and WOW! What a change it made in her.
I hope it gives you the strength & confidence to start saying 'no' to your Granny.

aliasojo

Pollycat wrote: »

I
But, I can't quite understand why it was called off so suddenly.
One minute you're going (under duress), the next it's off.

Yeah. Funny that eh?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

aliasojo wrote: »

Yeah. Funny that eh?

I'd like to think that the OP took the advice on here and spoke to her mum who then sorted it. That's what mums are for eh?

I am leaving my cynical head in the wardrobe on this one...sometimes, surely, some of these threads have got to be genuine, right?

aliasojo

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

I'd like to think that the OP took the advice on here and spoke to her mum who then sorted it. That's what mums are for eh?

I am leaving my cynical head in the wardrobe on this one...sometimes, surely, some of these threads have got to be genuine, right?

Yes you could well be right and tbh I'd be happy enough if I was wrong. If I'm wrong then that means there is someone out there who has actually had something happen for the better and that can only be a good thing.

The whole thing just doesn't sit right imo and nothing will convince me otherwise. If I'm right, it's not really a surprise that all of a sudden Granny's wants can be ignored after all.

I'll shut up now though which I'm sure some will be pleased about. :rotfl:

Mojisola

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

I am leaving my cynical head in the wardrobe on this one...sometimes, surely, some of these threads have got to be genuine, right?

aliasojo wrote: »

Yes you could well be right and tbh I'd be happy enough if I was wrong. If I'm wrong then that means there is someone out there who has actually had something happen for the better and that can only be a good thing.

The whole thing just doesn't sit right imo and nothing will convince me otherwise. If I'm right, it's not really a surprise that all of a sudden Granny's wants can be ignored after all.

Even if this thread is made up, there may be someone out there who is in a similar situation and will benefit from reading the posts.

That's why I give some of these dodgy threads the benefit of the doubt.

Pollycat

Just to be clear - I'm not disputing the OP's genuineness or honesty.

As the OP said in an earlier post that the 'good' Aunt wanted her to go to the Police after the incident described in post #39, she obviously wasn't unaware of the treatment the OP experienced at her Father's hands so I just couldn't see why a call from the OP's Mum to the 'good' Aunt who then presumably spoke to either Granny or the Father had the effect of cancelling the proposed meeting.

The OP mentioned self-harming.
Is this the first time anyone in the family knew about the self-harming?
And why would that result in things being sorted 'in a flash' when it was clear that the Father had physically assaulted the OP (and her Mum) numerous times?
Did the 'good' Aunt view that abuse as less important than self-harming?

Again, I'm not accusing the OP of not being genuine, it just sounds like a very dysfunctional family.

HPoirot

I take it that the granny is so self involved and busy being a drama queen that she could not have imagined whether years of abuse would leave a lasting impression on the OP. So bad that she would self harm. It seems the granny just woke up to this when the good aunt told her about it. My take on the circumstances anyway.