Culture of getting engaged young/ quick

oliviasmummy

Im 28 and alot of my friends form school have just started to get married in the last 2 years and have children. Ive been with DH for 10 and half years married for 6 and have 2 DD's aged 5 and 2. We got engaged after being together for 2 years and married 2 and half years later. Don't understand why people would get engaged and not plan to get married. I know we didnt get married for 2.5 years but we were plannign from the word go. We were fortunate that my parents paid for the majority of our wedding and when we looked at the venue dress etc that we wanted this was the lenght of time my parents said they could save the money in comfortably without having to sacrifice family holidays etc (2younger siblings). we bought our home 12 months before we married. Some of my best friends my age dont have children and are way off wanting too which is fine for them. Im just happy that in 15 years time our children will be of an age where they can fend for themselves. we will be in a better situation financially for university etc mortgage will be nearly paid and we will still be of an age to enjoy ourselves and be young and fit enough to enjoy our grandchildren if our Daughters go on to have a family of their own.

loobylaa

I agree that some people seem to rush into marriage now, We waited 15 years and got married in August, both in mid 30's, I think as we have been together so long we know everything about each other so will hopefully have a long happy marriage
A relative of mine got married in early 20's after 6 months was filing for divorce
Although I have friends that are still with their childhood sweetheart, married young and are still happy so guess it depends on the person

Weequine

I'm 32 and only became engaged this year. I made a lot of bad decisions when I was younger, and am really glad I waited for marriage.

sapphireeye

I'm 26 and was the oldest in my year, there are quite a few people from my year at school that either have children, are engaged or married. I went to a grammar school, since a few people have mentioned socio-economic status! Also, people of a similar age that I know from work, some are married/engaged and others are horrified at the prospect of getting married.

I do know a fair few people who have been engaged but never appear to be planning a wedding/to get married and most of those relationships appear to have ended during their engagement. My boyfriend and I were discussing this recently because he's noticed a similar pattern and he felt that it tended to be people who were in on-off relationships and got engaged to try and prove that 'this is it this time' or people who were pressuring their other half to make the next step and their OH proposed to shut them up ;-) That's his view, not mine!

If my boyfriend proposed to me then I would want him to actually want to marry me, and I'd expect to start making plans for it to happen. I'd like to be married before having children but if there's anything I've learnt over the last few years, it's that life doesn't always work out the way you planned!

System

I've noticed people i went to school with are now getting married and having kids.

And then theres me at nearly 27, (with a 22 year old bf :eek: ) who has zero plans on settling down this side of 30 :eek:

i feel like i can't keep up with the world, or that there's something wrong with me for feeling no where near ready for marriage and kids

onlyroz

No hardly any of my friends were married in their 20s. I was the first at 22 and now we are all in our 30s a few more are starting to get married. Also only one other of my university friends have children - so it seems like the opposite is true and people are marrying and having children later than in the past.

In going through our family tree my mum has found plenty of evidence of people getting married suspiciously close to the date of the birth of their first child - or even fiddling the birth dates to turn an illigitimate child into a legitimate one.

Netwizard

Most people I went to school / college with, have kids and are married.

I have no plans for either of those to happen!

daisiegg

Netwizard wrote: »

Most people I went to school / college with, have kids and are married.

I have no plans for either of those to happen!

Er, ok, but this doesn't actually address the question in the OP! She was talking about ages of getting engaged/married. Aren't you around 40? (Apologies if that is wrong, I seem to remember you saying it at some point but sorry if I got you mixed up with someone else!) ...so your old classmates could have married at 19 or at 39, so just saying 'they are married' doesn't really answer the question?

catkins

My grandparents and parents were all mid 20's when they married. I was 25 when I met OH and he was 23. We got married 5 months after meeting - didn't get engaged because I don't see the point of engagements - and are still together over 30 years later.

My nieces and nephews range from 29 to 18 and only one is engaged (the 29 year old), several have been with the same girl/boy for a number of years. All of their friends seem to be the same with only the eldest one having 2 friends who are married.

I think marriages can work even if you marry young so not sure there is really a right age. It's sad though that so many women seem to rush into having a child (often when they have known the father 5 minutes) and then almost always split up from the father.

74jax

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

It's a bit telling that instead of saying, 'we are engaged!' The first thing many do is upload the ring!

Now I get realy excited over my close friends showing me their rings.

When I got engaged that was all anyone wanted to see, and yep, I posted the pic