Culture of getting engaged young/ quick

codemonkey

daisiegg wrote: »

I fail to see where I used the word 'wrong'

Sorry, I didn't actually mean to quote your post in particular. Blame that on my fat thumbs. My parents-in-law are pretty religious and would deem it to be 'wrong' - my father-in-law in particular, whereas my parents wouldn't bat an eyelid, even though they're older.

For me, I wanted to be married before I had children, partly to avoid the 4 or 5 surname households that some of my friends have. Mother's surname, partners surname, mother's child's surname, partner's child's surname, mother and partner's child's surname. I struggle with remembering my own surname at times. But my friends who did have children before they got married seem happy enough.

To get back on topic, had I met my DH at the age of 18, he would have only been 16. I doubt I'd have looked twice at him, and he certainly would not have liked me much. Had I married the man who proposed to be at 18, we'd have lasted a few years at most and then divorced.

**Patty**

I think it's quite interesting about other people's perceptions of the *way it's done*.

Mine is a second marriage so there is no set pattern.

However, we have been invited to a wedding recently where they have stipulated quite categorically no children.....at all. (not even to the evening do)
Whilst i understand for some weddings this is quite acceptable.....I do admit to being slightly confused as the couple in question have 3 children of their own aged 10,7 and almost 3.

I know it doesn't normally take much to confuse me where people are involved but i really am :eek: at this one!

continualdiamond

It's really different for everyone. I'm 31 and currently 8 days over due with my 1st baby and celebrated my 2nd wedding anniversary in August. I got engaged Oct 2006 as we moved into our 1st mortgaged property. We never set about planning our wedding and then suddenly decided December 2010 that we were going to get married in August 2011 as my parents & sister were coming on holiday and as all my family are back in Australia I had to at least have my immediate family at my wedding.

Yet my younger sister was engaged at 19, married at 21 and at 28 is now going through a divorce.

I have a cousin who just did a surprise wedding at his house (back home in Australia) and he's 21.

I'm definitely one of the last from people I went to school with to be having her 1st baby, majority are expecting 2nd or 3rd baby's now.

geoffky

I reckon if i was stupid enough to kid myself that i was ready for marriage in my early twenties i would now be on my third or four marriage..
I just was not ready because there was a world out there and i wanted to explore it. So i did...
I waited until i was in my thirties to marry because my traveling bug was not ideal for a settled down person with a job.

Tiddlywinks

Never mind the trend for getting engaged quickly... it's the trend for having children quickly that worries me.

The tales here of women who 'fall pregnant' only months into a relationship is stunning - and not in a good way. They tell their story as if they had nothing to do with it... that it just happened.

pops5588

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Never mind the trend for getting engaged quickly... it's the trend for having children quickly that worries me.

The tales here of women who 'fall pregnant' only months into a relationship is stunning - and not in a good way. They tell their story as if they had nothing to do with it... that it just happened.

I was absolutely floored when my sister admitted to me that she had never used contraception throughout her entire relationship from day 1 with her now fiancee. They've been on and off for 3 years so she was only 19 at the start. However now they are now facing fertility tests because she hasn't fallen pregnant in 3 years.

So initially they were engaged but not bothered about falling pregnant before marriage, but now they are getting married before kids (the "traditional" way) but are going into the marriage knowing they may face fertility problems. The stress is never-ending!!

mincepiemonster

I haven't found that culture at all to be honest - quite the opposite! I'm 25 and have been married for 4 years, have DD and another on the way. I got married 2 weeks after my 21st birthday (engaged at 20). We caused quite a stir when we got engaged: we'd been together 15 months, which IMO was plenty of time to get to know each other: our friends all thought it was really soon.

My husband's best friends are both 27 and both live at home; my best friend is 26 with no plans to leave home either. Several of our friends have had relationships of 3+ years without even talking about moving in together!

On the other hand, several of my old friends are all "I don't care about marriage" - if that's the case, why the tears at the "amazing proposal" and OTT wedding when bloke finally proposes after 5 years living together?!

Dunroamin

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

No, I'm talking 16-21 really (as that's the age of people I tend to interact with on Facebook!)

Virtually everybody I knew was in education until the age of 21/22 but that was probably because I went to a grammar school. Most people married within a couple of years of this, possibly because it wasn't really socially acceptable to live with someone, unmarried, at the time.

Dunroamin

geoffky wrote: »

I reckon if i was stupid enough to kid myself that i was ready for marriage in my early twenties i would now be on my third or four marriage..
I just was not ready because there was a world out there and i wanted to explore it. So i did...
I waited until i was in my thirties to marry because my traveling bug was not ideal for a settled down person with a job.

You don't actually need to settle down and have a job to be married - many people travel together after they're married.

Moggins_2

I don't think its fair that people are assuming that people get married young because they are uneducated or lacking ambition. I met my husband when I was 19 and at uni and he was 26 and working (still in same job now). We got engaged the day before our first anniversary and got married the year after when I was 21 and had graduated. We then had our son when I was 22 (I'm 24 now and in November we will have been married three years). Yes having my son has stopped me getting on the career ladder FOR NOW but I am plenty young enough to start when he goes to nursery. I have just as good a social life now as I did before having him. When he's an adult I will still be relatively young so will have time then to do more for myself, all being well. I have no regrets.