Culture of getting engaged young/ quick

peachyprice

I can only think of a few people who married and had children in their twenties, the majority of my friends and people from school didn't do so until their 30's.

I had my first children at 30, 3rd at 36 and was amazed when they first started school the number of people I went to school with who turned up with their children of the same age on the first day.

Looking back, those that did marry/have children younger were the lower achievers as school.

pinknfluffy0

I got engaged after 2 weeks of knowing him when I was 18. We have been married 13 years now

LandyAndy

maman wrote: »

You asked for an 'older' person's opinion. I may be old fashioned but the oddest thing I find is the fashion for meeting someone, having a child/children, then getting engaged and eventually getting married with the children at the wedding. That still feels really odd to me.

.

I'm 56. Met my wife in 1989, our children were born in 1994 and 1996, we got married in 1999. It didn't seem at all odd or 'backwards'. Things happened when it seemed the best time for them.

Person_one

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

I am the same for sure, but when a singular picture of the ring is posted without any explanation..

I'm sure you're capable of figuring it out.

Frith

I'm a bit too young to be your mother (38). I got engaged then married at 23, 1st child at 25. This was a good 10 years before most of my friends.

Mind you, I got divorced at 29!

My sister got engaged yesterday. She's 32. Most of my friends/her friends, seem to get married in their early 30's then have children quite soon after that.

burnoutbabe

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

It's a bit telling that instead of saying, 'we are engaged!' The first thing many do is upload the ring!

I did that. Just posted a pic on facebook of the ring with a funny status update.

But I was 40 (that day in fact). And we got engaged at Disneyland and bought a mickey mouse diamond ring

(and on the facebook mobile app, it is very hard to change status to "engaged", I think I eventually found I could add a life event to say I was engaged but it still didn't change my relationship status to engaged, so posting a status with a ring picture was the simplest way to announce it)

Loz01

People definitely get engaged too quick - friend of a friend and his girlfriend just got engaged after being together 3 and a half months!! I found it ridiculous but then if you express ANY shred of doubt then be prepared for people to hate you but I honestly think getting engaged before being together a year is too quick. And my friends who are engaged don't want to actually get married any time soon, they just wanted their boyfriend to prove their commitment and a nice ring did the job!

jellyhead

I think engagement is often seen as a commitment to the relationship and an acknowledgement that this is 'the one' rather than 'we will get married on x date' nowadays.

I admit to choking on my tea when my 15 year old said he'd got engaged, but they saw it as a commitment to each other, made after being together for more than 6 months and I actually think it's rather nice in today's climate that two virgins made a commitment to each other before sleeping together.

They said at the time that they weren't considering marriage for years yet as they would both be going to university. They certainly aren't planning to have babies yet. They've been engaged for around 2 years and it hasn't made any difference to their relationship - they're still children. A pair of their friends got engages straight afterwards, but they live in each other's pockets and have probably planned their wedding in detail. They think that my son's engagement isn't a 'real' one and is inferior to theirs, but I know which type I'd prefer for a 17 year old :eek:

I married just before turning 30 which was younger than I'd planned to marry, but I was with the right man and we wanted to have a family.

jellyhead

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

Woah, 15! What you're describing sounds like a promise ring thing to me.

Well yes, that's how they described it but is 'promise ring' an american thing? I'd not heard of it and neither had they. They were almost 16 although they have talked about things like preferring pets to children (that might change later on, but for the moment I'm glad they are not choosing baby names like some of their peers!) they don't envisage getting married in the near future.

The girl's mum was momentarily horrified until she realised that they weren't planning marriage or babies. Now she says it's 'sweet' although perhaps that's designed to put them off commitment whereas horrified parents might make it seem more glamorous.

They don't have sleepovers or anything like some of their friends have with their boyfriends. They're not living in each other's pockets. It really is just like a promise ring.

Person_one

I think its perfectly normal for teenagers to get a bit carried away with their first romances, to be utterly convinced its true love forever and to start daydreaming about marriage and baby names.

Isn't it? Isn't that what they've always done..