Culture of getting engaged young/ quick

jellyhead

SmallL wrote: »

As mentioned previously i met my OH when we were both 15, we had sex (Both virgins) about 4 months into the relationship. I'm now 21 and In June he proposed to me!

I think we were 'seriously committed' around the age of 17, OH's mum certainly believed in the strength of our relationship as she told me to 'look after him' in private before she passed away due to cancer just before we both left for university.

Oh that's lovely, how sad for you both though.

tiger_eyes

My family describe themselves as "lifers" in the sense that they marry for life, which has strongly disinclined me to get engaged young, or indeed at all.

MrsAtobe

I'm in my early 40's, OH is older. I've been engaged before, he's been married before. We both knew on the 3rd date that we would spend the rest of our lives together. We've been engaged for nearly two years, but no date set yet. Life keeps getting in the way. We've moved from my three bed terraced house next to neighbours from hell to a four bed detached, we both need to change our cars, we need to finish the garden (I currently don't have a washing line), etc etc.

Do we love each other? Yes. Are we committed to each other? Yes, for life. We've had so much stress over the past year (including a threat made to my life made by same neighbour from hell) that I really cannot face the stress of organising a wedding at the moment, not to mention that I won't put us in debt to do it. The wedding dress I dream of is not cheap, and without being unromantic, I can't justify a grand on a dress for one day, until everything else is done. I also have health problems, that don't help.

Please don't judge those of us who get engaged and don't set a date, walk a mile in our shoes instead.

Turtle

I'm amazed how many people care that others get engaged but don't plan a wedding straight away! How is it your business?!

I've been with my husband for nearly 18 years. We got married in May this year after being engaged for just over 10 years. We didn't get engaged just to get engaged, but it just worked out that way. We have no children and don't intend to change that.

I'm not saying it's necessary to wait as long as us to marry but we recently went to a wedding of a couple who had been together only 13 months and got engaged after 2. Frankly, I don't think it will last and neither do many of our other friends though obviously no one wants to be proved right.

Turtle

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

Right.. So it's ok for you I judge, but no for anyone else to..

I'm not judging them. I'm expressing an opinion. Other people are judging by saying it's stupid to get engaged but not married. I'm predicting the marriage won't last but not judging they got married quickly.

meritaten

engagement or formally known as 'betrothed' or 'affianced' has been around for centuries. some people in olden times got 'affianced' or betrothed at birth!
recently it has become a 'promise to marry'. in Victorian times it was taken very seriously and to break that promise could result in court!
now it is just taken as 'right now we intend to marry - if we don't - then no fault on either part'

MrsAtobe

meritaten wrote: »

engagement or formally known as 'betrothed' or 'affianced' has been around for centuries. some people in olden times got 'affianced' or betrothed at birth!
recently it has become a 'promise to marry'. in Victorian times it was taken very seriously and to break that promise could result in court!
now it is just taken as 'right now we intend to marry - if we don't - then no fault on either part'

Not in our case, we just can't afford to yet. Well, we can afford to, but this will be the only time I ever get married, and if I did it without the family tafia, there would be hell to pay, and I know you know what I mean .

Mrs_Ryan

I've been engaged three times. Once when I was 16- we did love each other and plan to get married but then I discovered he was cheating on me :mad: second time we got as far as setting a date and planning the wedding but then he started knocking me about and the third time we had just applied for a mortgage and were looking for a house but he suddenly got cold feet and he dumped me I was 21 and 24 respectively then.
My Mum was 19 when she married my then 29 year old Dad, and my brother was 26 when he married my ex SIL who was 18 months older than me (I was 16 at the time) my sister got married to her ex when she was 21. Both have subsequently remarried, although my Mum and Dad (63 and 72) are still together. Most of those I went to school with are married/engaged- funnily enough everyone said I would be first to get married but I'm still single and given the fact OH has made his feelings on marriage clear I think I always will be

jenhug

Met when I was seventeen and he 21
Engaged at eighteen he 22
Mortgage at nineteen he 22
Married 20 he 23
First child 20 he 23
Second child 23 he 26

Now 35 and 39 and still together. I would say I certainly settled down earlier than most of my classmates. However, I do wonder if it was because I left school and went straight into fulltime work, whereas many of my class mates went off to college then uni which I think (in my opinion) kept them in a student more youth like situation for longer? My best friend from school has only just got engaged for the first time recently, and many other school friends are just getting married and starting families now.

BigAunty

As a mature student, returning back to college a few years ago, I was aghast that a couple of the teenage boys out of around 10, got engaged.

At their age, perhaps only one of out many of my peers was engaged but the couple were in employment and had left home. The notion of students getting engaged while living at home is a new one to me.

And I do have to say, they were the least mature in character in class. One was a racist fat mummy's boy who played the fool. The other could barely string a sentence together and had appalling hygiene. In common with most of the boys on the course, neither had ever worked (while a lot of the girls had worked before coming on the course or had part time jobs during it and a few of the boys).

Neither had any type of social skills and I remember thinking, who the hell would employ these idiots after the course ended? They couldn't follow simple instructions that the tutor would give, were poor attenders and didn't submit a lot of the course work. Their clothes were dirty, etc.

I remember thinking at the time when I heard they were engaged, for the love of god, how low does a girl's self esteem or expectations have to be in order to commit themselves to these clowns?