Culture of getting engaged young/ quick

jellyhead

Person_one wrote: »

I think its perfectly normal for teenagers to get a bit carried away with their first romances, to be utterly convinced its true love forever and to start daydreaming about marriage and baby names.

Isn't it? Isn't that what they've always done..

I didn't daydream about marriage or baby names, but I certainly thought that my first boyfriend was 'the one' and behaved in a rather silly way after he dumped me.

I remember when I was uni my friend had her wedding colours, theme etc. planned out already even though she was single. I bet lots of people have idea for baby names without actually planning to have babies within the next few years.

Fair enough. I think I'm only 'against' the idea of living in each other's pockets and acting like an adult married couple because I got into a bit of a mess when I was 17 and a half with a very controlling relationship where he stopped me from going to college or work and wouldn't give me permission to leave the house, and had to be 'rescued' from his house by my parents.

I don't think my 17 year old is emotionally ready to live in his girlfriend's pocket, although she's a lovely girl.

Person_one

A friend of mine had picked a girl's name from a book when she was in primary school, and did actually use it 20 years later! I sometimes wonder if her partner wanted a say but if he did it was tough!

You're right that they do need to maintain some independence, and develop as an individual as well as part of a couple, but as long as both young people involved are decent and kind to each other they'll probably be fine.

GwylimT

We got married a year after being together, I'm not fussed about marriage it isn't necessary, we only got married because it would make it much easier and quicker for her to adopt my son, otherwise we wouldn't have bothered.

jellyhead

Well, they are 17 now and I haven't asked ... gulp! But I know that they were at 15, my son tells me everything.

I suppose I shouldn't be opposed to a sleepover occasionally really.

paulineb_2

My gran met her future husband at 15, she was married by 20. My mum was married at 18 and was 19 when she had me.

I spoke about marriage with an ex bf who I met when I was 18, first love, its not uncommon for you to think its going to last forever and it doesnt.

My bf at that time did stay over at mine, but not straight away, we were both almost 19 before we slept together, many of my friends were in long term and sexual relationships at 16, in fact one of my friends at school was dating seriously when she was 14 although they werent sleeping with one another, he broke her heart, she met someone else on the rebound, married him at 19 and 25 years on and two kids later they are still together.

Another friend of mine was also married and had a kid by the time she was 22.

And one of my closest friends now, has just got engaged, they are getting married soon, hes been with his partner for over 15 years and theyve been living together for 10.

There are so many ways people approach relationships, many people will think it should be dating, short or medium term engagement and then marriage but it wont always happen like that and if people want to be engaged for years and stay that way, entirely up to them, not doing anyone else any harm is it?

Person_one

jellyhead wrote: »

Well, they are 17 now and I haven't asked ... gulp! But I know that they were at 15, my son tells me everything.

I suppose I shouldn't be opposed to a sleepover occasionally really.

17 and together for two years?

Sorry, but there's no chance! I'd have a chat if I were you.

jellyhead

Well, yes, I don't give a monkeys what anyone else does in their romantic life.

I remember offending my Gran once though, we were at another family wedding for my aunt who was 19 (they tend to get married young in her family) and she made a comment about how I should be next or I might be 'left on the shelf'. I laughed and said I was only 21, don't be daft. I hadn't finished uni though, and my relationship at the time wasn't good. we'd been together for less than a year and we were already arguing, so I'd have been silly to get engaged to him.

I wasn't scoffing at my 19 year old married relatives though - they had met 'the one' and were happily settled. I wasn't. I wasn't as tactful as I could have been though, although telling somebody who hasn't even finished uni that they are getting on a bit and might be left on the shelf isn't tactful either, bless Nan

jellyhead

Person_one wrote: »

17 and together for two years?

Sorry, but there's no chance! I'd have a chat if I were you.

Well we've chatted about condoms, the pill, etc. where to buy condoms and where to go for family planning, but after the age of 16 I didn't actually ask him if they had slept together. They probably have, but I wouldn't have wanted to tell my mum at that age.

I always mention things like that in an "I don't want to know if you are having sex, but I want you to be aware of this" kind of way

SmallL

As mentioned previously i met my OH when we were both 15, we had sex (Both virgins) about 4 months into the relationship. I'm now 21 and In June he proposed to me!

I think we were 'seriously committed' around the age of 17, OH's mum certainly believed in the strength of our relationship as she told me to 'look after him' in private before she passed away due to cancer just before we both left for university.

jellyhead

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

Serious question (just wondering from the opinion of a mum) do you see them staying together?

For a year or two I'd say yes, but if they go to different universities I don't know. They seem very committed and neither is the type to cheat, but they might change their minds about what they want out of life later on.