9 year old girl sharing bed with dad

itsanne

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Really? I'm astounded and can only think that my entire family (and I am just one of 35 cousins) my whole circle of friends and colleagues must all be totally flippin' abnormal then since all of us and our children and their children had/have their own beds.

There must also be thousands upon thousands of very abnormal people staffing Local Authorities up and down the country since they too advocate children of different genders having their own rooms (let alone beds!) after the age of 9 or 10 or so.

Family life should be warm and intimate and affectionate but there is surely a huge difference between the kids scrambling into bed with Mum and/or Dad or Nanny on a chilly morning or when they are feeling unhappy or poorly and this dad decreeing that his daughter shall sleep with him at all times, behind closed doors and without Mum being on the scene.

That isn't a one-off or occasional thing, dictated by the needs of the child - and I'm quite sure that the majority of children each of you know have their own beds. Why is that, I wonder?

In the end though it is enough that people all have different views and/or interpretations and can only agree to disagree. That, I guess, is why restaurants have menus.

Some object to the dancer, some to the fan.

The part I've highlighted deliberately puts an unpleasant spin on things, on the basis of nothing that the OP even hinted at. I don't hold with the notions that all men are potential rapists or abusers, so I don't jump to the conclusion that the father must have some ulterior motive.

There's a big difference between not having her own bed at all and sleeping with her father when staying with him. In an ideal world I would hope that she eventually has a room at her father's, just as if her parents were together, but in the meantime I don't see why it has to be a problem. It's much more important for a child to maintain a strong relationship with her father at a time when all too many children of separated parents lose touch with their fathers.

tinkerbell28

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Really? I'm astounded and can only think that my entire family (and I am just one of 35 cousins) my whole circle of friends and colleagues must all be totally flippin' abnormal then since all of us and our children and their children had/have their own beds.

There must also be thousands upon thousands of very abnormal people staffing Local Authorities up and down the country since they too advocate children of different genders having their own rooms (let alone beds!) after the age of 9 or 10 or so.

Family life should be warm and intimate and affectionate but there is surely a huge difference between the kids scrambling into bed with Mum and/or Dad or Nanny on a chilly morning or when they are feeling unhappy or poorly and this dad decreeing that his daughter shall sleep with him at all times, behind closed doors and without Mum being on the scene.

That isn't a one-off or occasional thing, dictated by the needs of the child - and I'm quite sure that the majority of children each of you know have their own beds. Why is that, I wonder?

In the end though it is enough that people all have different views and/or interpretations and can only agree to disagree. That, I guess, is why restaurants have menus.

Some object to the dancer, some to the fan.

That sentence there sums up so much that is wrong, I just don't know where to start.

Flower08

michaelvintner wrote: »

Contrary to popular opinion not all men are raging pedophiles. I know this may sound strange but the vast majority of us would rather stab ourselves in the eye with a pick axe than ever hurt a child.

Well said. Some people really do let their imagination go into over drive.
In the summer OH and I took took our then 20 month old son to the beach. He was running around in just a swim nappy and playing with his daddy in the sea whilst I sat and read my book. OH was taking pictures of DS until some busy body came over and asked "where the childs mother was" and then went on to tell OH that it is not appropriate to take photos of a young child like that.

Have we really got to a point in this society where fathers have their every move analysed?

No one would think anything of a 9 year old child sharing a bed with his or her mother, so why is it so strange to be in a bed with their father?!

thorsoak

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Really? I'm astounded and can only think that my entire family (and I am just one of 35 cousins) my whole circle of friends and colleagues must all be totally flippin' abnormal then since all of us and our children and their children had/have their own beds.

There must also be thousands upon thousands of very abnormal people staffing Local Authorities up and down the country since they too advocate children of different genders having their own rooms (let alone beds!) after the age of 9 or 10 or so.

Family life should be warm and intimate and affectionate but there is surely a huge difference between the kids scrambling into bed with Mum and/or Dad or Nanny on a chilly morning or when they are feeling unhappy or poorly and this dad decreeing that his daughter shall sleep with him at all times, behind closed doors and without Mum being on the scene.

That isn't a one-off or occasional thing, dictated by the needs of the child - and I'm quite sure that the majority of children each of you know have their own beds. Why is that, I wonder?

In the end though it is enough that people all have different views and/or interpretations and can only agree to disagree. That, I guess, is why restaurants have menus.

Some object to the dancer, some to the fan.

I have read and re-read this thread, and at no time can I find that the OP reported the statement that I have highlighted. This comes from your own imagination .....

I am more disturbed by your posts than by the thought of a little girl sharing a bed with her father when she visits. As others have said, she probably wants to recreate the closeness that most children have with their parents and climbing into their beds.

It has been my experience - as a child, parent and now grandparent, that the parental bedroom is the most reassuring room when you feel sick/worried - it's a sad world when it becomes a forbidden place.

Missme

Blimey, if men are such raving sexual predators why do we not just farm a chosen few for their sperm and euthanise the rest?

They are violent, can't control themselves and have such warped thinking that I'm surprised feotuses aren't screened for a Y chromosome and mothers offered a termination!

!!!!, let each of us women agree to rid the world of at least one. It's our duty. We must, just in case. Rise up, sisters - rid the planet of the man-scourge!

Hmmm, or should we let them live so they can do heavy labour and dirty work... Not sure if mere castration is enough... Perhaps we need a referendum?

As an aside, I read the other day that Saudi women will continue to be banned from driving because of the stress on their womb/ovaries causing physical and mental harm to their children. Such children (and their mothers) are more likely to be perverts... OK! Does this guy or his mother drive OP??

OP, your right is someone else's wrong and vice versa. If the child is happy and thriving, perhaps we should advocate that all kids should sleep in a bed with their parent of opposite sex...

yvonne13_2

chipsdog wrote: »

What do all your wise people think about this, someone I know is divorced, he has his daughter to stay over at his house, but, she shares a bed with him - I don't think this is right, but, when I mentioned it to him he just laughed at me, what do you all think?

OP I don't know why you seem to have an issue.

Someone you know is divorced (What this has to do with anything is beyond me).
His daughter stays over at his house (Good a man and woman that has put the child first and has contact with both parents)
She shares a bed with her father
1. Why is that any of your business?
2. Have you actually seen them in bed together?
3. What on earth are you getting at?

I never saw where you wrote that this man was a close friend so how are you so quick to judge something so innocent?
I don't even think it was your place to say anything to the man in the first place. You're lucking he only laughed at your attempt to push your thoughts on him.

If you know the child very well and you've noticed her attitude change or her being withdrawn ect ect then fair enough, report your findings to the correct people don't come on a website and post an insinuating question which is none of your concern.

Daddy gets a new house, daughter isn't comfortable enough to stay in her own room yet, so daughter stays in daddies room for the time being, feel safe and secure of her surroundings .

You asking the question says more about you.....

jellyhead

I suppose if this were my family then I'd expect at some point in the near future for there to be a bed for the daughter so she has the choice of where to sleep. Perhaps there already is. As long as she has the choice and can stop co-sleeping whenever she feels like it, and as yvonne13 says, as long as there are no signs that the child is becoming withdrawn, etc. then I see no problem.

It's certainly not 'unwholesome' for a daughter to sleep in her father's bed. Why would it be? If he gets an erection he'll turn over and she won't see it, or he can get himself out of bed and into the bathroom without the child seeing it. Presumably he is wearing pyjamas anyhow, as is she?

Spendless

jellyhead wrote: »

If he gets an erection he'll turn over and she won't see it, or he can get himself out of bed and into the bathroom without the child seeing it. Presumably he is wearing pyjamas anyhow, as is she?

Well I was wondering that. I share a bed most nights with my husband and ermmmm I can't tell you what state his 'Private Benjamin' is in most mornings. I wake up and turn and get out of bed my side, I don't go rummaging under the bed-clothes looking or feeling for it (much to my husband's disappointment admittedly;)). If he has PJ bottoms or boxer shorts on then the chances are reduced much further. Unless we are to assumme the Father is sleeping naked and doesn't own any bedding either?!

As I've said my daughter is only slightly older and the best way to protect her from knowing 'all about this kind of thing' if that is what I so wished would be to find a way to permanently gag her teenage brother, so he can't tell her anything!

purple.sarah

I don't think there is anything wrong going on or he wouldn't be so open about it but I do think it would be better for a 9 year old to have her own bed and some space and privacy. When I was that age I didn't like sharing a room with my brother so I wouldn't have wanted to share a bed with my parents! A child sleeping in their parent's bed after a nightmare is different to sharing their bed on a regular basis. If there is only one bed one of them could sleep on a sofa bed in the living room.

sukysue

God I used to work nights for years and my 2 dds used to sleep with my dh their dad and I never thought a thing about it because I trusted him .