9 year old girl sharing bed with dad

unholyangel

Seanymph wrote: »

Suffice to say that abusers don't act like this man did.

Going to play devils advocate here....

How did this man act? How do you think abusers act? They're not so easy to spot you know. Even those living in the same house as the abuser and victim are usually clueless.

I dont think OP should be blasted for having concerns - if memory serves the OP mentioned nothing about abuse at all, just whether it was acceptable/healthy/normal. It was other posters that brought up the abuse angle.

I also recall the OP saying he has a 2 bedroom house. So daughter is not sleeping beside him out of necessity as so many seem to have presumed.

balletshoes

unholyangel wrote: »

Going to play devils advocate here....

How did this man act? How do you think abusers act? They're not so easy to spot you know. Even those living in the same house as the abuser and victim are usually clueless.

I dont think OP should be blasted for having concerns - if memory serves the OP mentioned nothing about abuse at all, just whether it was acceptable/healthy/normal.
It was other posters that brought up the abuse angle.

I also recall the OP saying he has a 2 bedroom house. So daughter is not sleeping beside him out of necessity as so many seem to have presumed.

OP said in her first post "I don't think this is right" - so clearly she doesn't find it acceptable - and she found it so unacceptable that she felt she should mention it to the father in question.

I'm also of the opinion that the OP is lucky all the Dad did was laugh at her when she brought this up with him - I would have been gobsmacked and probably told her to go forth and multiply (or at least mind her own business).

If her concern is not about potential abuse, what is her concern? Whats "not right" in her opinion?

Soleil_lune

pink_princess wrote: »

How dare you feel you had the right to pass comment!:mad:

Do you think he is a !!!!!phile?

We are becoming such an idiot of a society, between health and safety madness and the peado hysteria that is unfounded, our children can't move or learn their own risk reading skills. Far more dangerous than stranger danger

I think this is the worst thing about it...not that she 'thought' something 'sinister' but the fact she said something to him! :eek:

If I had been the wife/girl's mother, and it had gotten back to me; I would have given her a bl00dy mouthful when I saw her! :mad:

nom_de_plume

Last year I stayed overnight in a hotel in a twin room with my 25 year old daughter. When we checked in the lady behind the desk pointed out that it was a twin room and not a double......

Spendless

Maybe he doesn't have a bed in 2nd room or can't afford one or used the 2nd room for another purpose and it would take up space for something only occasionally used?

Our daughter is only slightly older at 10 and following a recent op, she wanted to sleep with a parent for a week. We took it in turns cos she's a flamin wrigglebum to have in with you!

Son was well past 9 before he stopped creeping into bed with us just about every night! You didn't even know he was there half the time till morning as he'd perfected an art of climbing in from the bottom of the bed under the duvet.

Last year husband took son and his 2 friends abroad for a weekend to attend an event. One of the nights the hotel booking was a room that had 2 double beds, all four shared the room, husband and son one bed, the 2 friends the other.

pink_princess

nom_de_plume wrote: »

Last year I stayed overnight in a hotel in a twin room with my 25 year old daughter. When we checked in the lady behind the desk pointed out that it was a twin room and not a double......

I really don't get why that would be an issue. You get changed in the bathroom,no issue.

We are a diverse family, step and long term foster and long term residence, we feel nothing of just booking two rooms on holiday etc, I don't see why anybody would see something wrong with it, we just got back from our latest holiday. We booked two rooms for all of us. Does that make us wrong?

unholyangel

balletshoes wrote: »

OP said in her first post "I don't think this is right" - so clearly she doesn't find it acceptable - and she found it so unacceptable that she felt she should mention it to the father in question.

I'm also of the opinion that the OP is lucky all the Dad did was laugh at her when she brought this up with him - I would have been gobsmacked and probably told her to go forth and multiply (or at least mind her own business).

If her concern is not about potential abuse, what is her concern? Whats "not right" in her opinion?

Theres several ways it could be inappropriate/not right without involving abuse.

OP may feel it isnt right simply because there is a room available for her (the 9 year old) to have as her own. Thats just one of half a dozen off the top of my head.

But if you're interested in what the OP thought, perhaps better to ask them since they're the only one who knows and the rest of us are just speculating. OP may have been thinking abuse or may not have.

Doesnt change the fact that others were sniping at the OP for assuming abuse when OP made no mention of that and they were the ones who assumed abuse. Pot calling kettle.

jellyhead

What do you think is 'not right'?

I'm assuming that you don't think there's anything 'going on' otherwise you probably wouldn't have mentioned it to him.

Is it the age of the child? I don't think a 9 year old is too old to be sharing a bed with a parent of either sex, not if the child is happy with the decision. My eldest stopped sharing our bed at age 4 or 5 by choice but my 8 year old jumps at the chance to sleep with either parent and I don't think he'll change by the age of 9.

If the child is unhappy with bedsharing then that's different. I would have been horrified at the thought of sharing with my dad at age 9, and probably wouldn't have wanted to share with mum either.

I think that if I divorced my husband my 8 year old would ask to sleep in my bed full time, and the same with his dad on weekends. He's just a cuddly little thing, even at 8. They're still small and innocent, although if they start to get prickly about their body (I went through puberty at 8 and was very prickly about it) then that should be respected.

We're all different. Some people would find the idea of cosleeping with a child of any age a bit odd.

dibuzz

My kids weren't allowed in our bed when I was married but when ex moved out my youngest often got into bed with me in the early hours, he was 8 and it went on for a few years.
I guess OP would thing this wrong too or is it only if the adult is male that it's wrong?

thehappybutterfly

Personally I think a lot of people have over-reacted here. I'm not surprised the OP is asking if it's acceptable - I think it is acceptable myself but if the OP has read some of the same autobiographies as me, it's probably clouded her perceptions. I think it's really sad that dads feel like they're under suspicion around their kids these days. Our daughter is 16 and still cosies into her dad and I'm delighted! I've read too many of these child abuse survivor autos and I've had to stop because it just made me suspicious of any close family relationships which is a horrible feeling.

It's a sad fact that a lot of people are suspicious these days but is it so surprising given the stories out there?

So to answer the OP's question - yes, it's entirely appropriate. Please put your suspicions to one side and see it for what it is. A 9 year old daughter who loves her daddy so much and feels comfortable enough with him to sleep in the same bed. And vice versa.