9 year old girl sharing bed with dad

applecrumble24

I find it bizarre that you're bothered tbh. She's his daughter, it's fine.
It's not alright when the daughter decides it's not. Whatever age that may be.

I shared a double bed in a relatives house with my brother once when I was 14 and he was 16. It was either that or one of us slept on the floor, nothing sinister, nothing odd just practical.

BitterAndTwisted

How about minding your own business? It's not even your own child you're discussing here.

If I was the father and you'd "mentioned it" to me you'd have got very short shrift. You were lucky he only laughed and didn't give you something a little more forthright.

Missme

What does the child's mother think?

Are there any indicators that the child's mental/emotional/physical health are endangered? Is there a history of (suspected) abuse?

Is the child able to express herself and say that something is bothering her?

What's normal in one family isn't normal in another. I shared a room with my adult aunt from 13-15. Blimey did she ask personal questions and squeeze and poke things I'd rather she didn't in a good natured and familial/familiar way. Did I feel threatened? No. It all depends on the circumstances.

I remember looking after friends' kids for 2 weeks. The daughter (8) had thrush on her genitals that I needed to apply medicated cream to. Freaked me out but she was fine. And her 'fineness' didn't appear to be some kind of precocious expression of... relaxed interference. Son 911) couldn't wait to tell me he had genital hair and ask if I wanted to see... "Umm no thanks, but cool hey!"

My 2 of each (aged 16-28 now) regularly sleep with me, each other, friends of the same/opposite sex in the same bed... I have friends' kids who will only sleep in my bed with me, as a kind of comfort blanket, eithe rwith or without their parents there.

What's 'not right' about it for you OP? maybe that's something you need to work on.

itsanne

Thank goodness all the responses show sense.

OP, the father's response in just laughing was exactly right. Unless there is any indication that there is anything untoward, there is absolutely no reason to be even thinking about it.

fabforty

chipsdog wrote: »

It's a 2 bed roomed house, so there is no need to share. What age do you think it's not alright?

I would like to think that I could sleep in the same bed as one of my children, regardless of age, without Social Services beating a path to my door. Children are not abused because they happen to be sleeping in the same bed as a parent.

rhubarb22

My DD (10) still occasionally sleeps in my bed with me. My DH and I work strange shift patterns, I go to bed in the evening, and she will sometimes get in bed with me and watch TV and fall asleep. I get up for work at 12.45am, and then my husband will get in with her!!
Its musical beds in our house!!!
This doesn't happen every night, just occasionally, and when she feels she's too old for it, I'm sure it will just stop.
Nothing wrong with it in my opinion, apart from the fact she takes up most of the room, and moves about too much!!! She sleeps like a log, and we wake up feeling we have had no sleep at all!

ilovelondontown

Oh Jeeez what a question...

Your lucky the dad laughed rather than get upset at what you were implying.

Society has spent THOUSANDS of years living spaces that might have only been 2 rooms big, this notion that any man with a close attachment to a child must be a sinister thing really saddens me. I was raised by my father and I admire him for being the mum and dad in my life.

ONLY with evidence should there be the need for more concern. The NSPCC can give you guidance if you are worried about the mistreatment of a child, so long as the child appears happy with the arrangement, a child sharing a bed with their father is not "wrong" on any level.

January20

chipsdog wrote: »

What do all your wise people think about this, someone I know is divorced, he has his daughter to stay over at his house, but, she shares a bed with him - I don't think this is right, but, when I mentioned it to him he just laughed at me, what do you all think?

I think you are over-reacting. He is her Dad! There is nothing wrong with this and you are really lucky he only laughed in your face in view of what you are insinuating!

What a sad, sad world we live in when a dad can't even share a bed with his child without some thinking it's wrong!


ETA: Are you the mother and trying to dictate how your ex behaves with his own child? I'm asking because you have to feel quite close to somebody to comment on their sleeping arrangements....

marisco_2

Considering what you were insinuating to this guy I think you were very lucky he just laughed in response. Unless you have genuine serious reasons to be concerned about him sharing a bed with his daughter, then I think you should keep your opinions to yourself in future. Otherwise you risk losing the respect of a friend and could find he decides not to want to know you any more. No doubt the little girl just wants to snuggle up and feel close to a dad she doesn't see all the time. What a shame you cant see things that way and want to find something more sinister in it.

Calien27

Nothing wrong with it.

I used to share a bed with my dad sometimes. My brother and I used to take it in turns to go on weekend drop offs with him in his lorry, dad/brother and dad/me would share the bunk. The only thing that ever bothered me was his snoring lol!

You're lucky he was amused instead of being majorly insulted by what you said.