9 year old girl sharing bed with dad

seven-day-weekend

applecrumble24 wrote: »

I find it bizarre that you're bothered tbh. She's his daughter, it's fine.
It's not alright when the daughter decides it's not. Whatever age that may be.

I shared a double bed in a relatives house with my brother once when I was 14 and he was 16. It was either that or one of us slept on the floor, nothing sinister, nothing odd just practical.

I remember sharing a bed (occasionally) with my dad when I was 12. I shared with my mum a lot because my dad was on nights, even as a teenager of about 15. I shared with my sister (sixteen years older than me) until she was 24 and got married.

The problem is?

nom_de_plume

Originally Posted by nom de plume
Last year I stayed overnight in a hotel in a twin room with my 25 year old daughter. When we checked in the lady behind the desk pointed out that it was a twin room and not a double......

pink_princess wrote: »

I really don't get why that would be an issue. You get changed in the bathroom,no issue.

The receptionist didn't realise we were father and daughter :shocked:

Happened again Saturday when I took my daughter to a chiropodist. The chiropodist asked my daughter if I was her husband! One of us looks good for our age!!

Guest101

chipsdog wrote: »

What do all your wise people think about this, someone I know is divorced, he has his daughter to stay over at his house, but, she shares a bed with him - I don't think this is right, but, when I mentioned it to him he just laughed at me, what do you all think?

I think u dont have kids....

Its perfectly fine. the daughter probably misses spending time with her dad!

VfM4meplse

I don't understand how hard it is to get a second bed / mattress for B2. It can be handy for all sorts of reasons.

loobylou2

DD2 who is nearly 8 often comes into bed with me at night and falls asleep next to me, then when OH comes to bed he just picks her up and takes her back to her own room or I take her if I am awake or wake up myself for whatever reason. She shares a room with DD1 who is 14 and because she goes to bed later sometimes disturbs her. At least when she's in my bed its quiet and she can rest and sleep, we just put her back in her own bed when OH is coming to bed by which time DD1 is usually asleep as well.

paddy's_mum

I disagree with what seems to be the majority opinion on this one. I don't think having the daughter sleep in with her father is wise.

I agree with the point raised by Errata about the father's (let's say) 'physical attributes in the morning' and I wouldn't want a daughter of mine to discover such things at this young age, when it can be so easily avoided. I don't at all assume wrongdoing or display on the dad's part but there is a strong possibility that she would learn of it.

It seems to me that we (society) want our children to be allowed their childhood and innocence but then on the other hand say 'what's wrong with sleeping with her Dad'. I think that having the child sleep in with him, as a matter of routine, when there is or could be or should be an alternative, would tend to blur the line in the child's mind about what is and is not appropriate behaviour from the adults around her. (I find it a very different scenario from the kids snuggling into bed with Mum and Dad on a chilly winter Sunday morning or this dad tucking her up in his bed if she were ill.

The child is too young to know that other people may make assumptions about how proper, suitable, wholesome or healthy the father-daughter relationship is. There is the distinct possibility of come-back on this and it will be the innocent child who is hurt - think social services, withdrawal of access if the mother disagrees with dad's actions, names discussed and questions asked in the headmaster's office, contact at an approved centre only...

Earlier this week, I made a forum comment that the mother in that thread ought to be fitting her boy into the world as it really is, not as she would like the world to be. I don't understand why the dad isn't thinking of how open to misinterpretation his actions are and protecting both himself and the child from suspicion and doubt. In this sense, I find his shoulder shrugging attitude decidedly odd. Perhaps he too should be thinking about the reality of the world as it is.

I have no problem with the two of them having a very close and loving relationship and indeed, can think of few things more affectionate than curling up together on the sofa, in pyjamas, watching a film together, with as many hugs and cuddles as they wish. However, for me, routinely sharing dad's bed is a step too far along the road of unwholesomeness.

Before anyone starts screaming at me, please note that I used the word 'wise'. I'm not assuming anything outrageously evil or dirty.

Far from condemning her, I applaud the OP for having the courage to at least try to impart some awareness to the dad. That can't have been easy.

If only more people would speak out when they 'felt something wasn't quite right', there might perhaps be fewer Baby P's and Daniel Pelka's in the newspapers.

tinkerbell28

Unwholesomeness :eek: :eek: :eek:

I'm more bothered people want to bring the kids up in the world, thinking something as innocent as sleeping in your parents bed is unwholesome.

Everything about that post, highlights what is wrong with society. People judging, social services, mother denying access, people suggesting how other parents should look after their kids.

People should stop interfering.

daisiegg

Surely historically, it is only in relatively recent centuries that it has become normal for children to have their own beds. I'm sure it used to be very common for families to sleep in one room, piling into whatever beds were available. This doesn't mean they were all being 'unwholesome' all the time.

We have a photograph taken on the night before my wedding, with me, my adult sister and adult brother all squeezed into my mum and dad's bed with them! We didn't sleep the night there of course but we did stay a while, reminiscing about old times. Growing up, we all used to get into my parents' bed on a Sunday morning, even as older teenagers. My sister and brother are young adults and still go on holiday with my parents and have at times shared a bed on holiday. You're fully clothed in pyjamas, the bed is big enough that no body parts need to touch, and it is just sleeping! I don't see the problem.

paddy's_mum

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

People should stop interfering.

D'you mean like they did for Baby P, Daniel Pelka, Charlie Hunt, Victoria Climbie, Violet Mullen, Holly Agius, Amy Howson etc etc etc ad nauseum?

carolan78

All of the above cases had more sever warning signs! If there is nothing else to suggest to op something untoward is going on then I don't see how this is a problem.