9 year old girl sharing bed with dad

carolan78

Errata wrote: »

That's very true, but many adult males, and that includes dads, wake up in the morning with a stiffy. How can that be explained to a nine year old girl next to him in his bed?

Daddy needs the toilet? Even when not sharing a bed children can sometimes see these things anyway so surely you'd have an answer ready as DH does.

itsanne

paddy's_mum wrote: »

D'you mean like they did for Baby P, Daniel Pelka, Charlie Hunt, Victoria Climbie, Violet Mullen, Holly Agius, Amy Howson etc etc etc ad nauseum?

That's a completely inappropriate analogy. In those cases the things which should have caused concern were not normal.

In this case the only thing causing the OP concern, in so far as she has not mentioned anything else, is a child sleeping with her father. That is perfectly normal.

I find the attitude that this is "unwholesome" troubling, as is the concern that the father should pander to how other people, a minority if the responses on here are anything to go by, might misconstrue things.

Incidentally, I have in the past contacted social services when I had concerns about a child, so I am not advocating not interfering where appropriate.

michaelvintner

Contrary to popular opinion not all men are raging pedophiles. I know this may sound strange but the vast majority of us would rather stab ourselves in the eye with a pick axe than ever hurt a child.

tinkerbell28

paddy's_mum wrote: »

D'you mean like they did for Baby P, Daniel Pelka, Charlie Hunt, Victoria Climbie, Violet Mullen, Holly Agius, Amy Howson etc etc etc ad nauseum?

That is the exact problem.

Yes terrible things have happened, but it is the rare minority.

All that has happened is that it has given busy bodies and the authorities the "right" to poke their noses into everyones family life.

You see it all the time. People don't target the real at risk kids. Those cases are proof of it.

They go in and take kids, or interfere where there is no risk, or because some busy body has decided to wrongly stir. They will target easy targets to get the figures.

They won't get the real nasty, nasty parents for fear of repercussions.

Much like now all men are potential peados. All parents are potentially abusers.

You post came across as typical of what is wrong in society.

"I don't have a problem". People think their opinions on parenting other peoples kids are the be all and end all. It was rather self righteous.

Generally abuse should be easily picked up in schools and clubs. It doesn't need interfering busy bodies to make the call. The amount of training people who work with children now get, to spot the signs is 2nd to none.

hunters

I was 7 when my beloved Daddy moved out and into his own house. I hated his house to start with, it was cold and creepy to my 7 year old eyes and I thought nothing of getting in bed with Daddy just the same as I had thought nothing about getting into bed with both M&D in the past.

unholyangel

daisiegg wrote: »

Surely historically, it is only in relatively recent centuries that it has become normal for children to have their own beds. I'm sure it used to be very common for families to sleep in one room, piling into whatever beds were available. This doesn't mean they were all being 'unwholesome' all the time.

We have a photograph taken on the night before my wedding, with me, my adult sister and adult brother all squeezed into my mum and dad's bed with them! We didn't sleep the night there of course but we did stay a while, reminiscing about old times. Growing up, we all used to get into my parents' bed on a Sunday morning, even as older teenagers. My sister and brother are young adults and still go on holiday with my parents and have at times shared a bed on holiday. You're fully clothed in pyjamas, the bed is big enough that no body parts need to touch, and it is just sleeping! I don't see the problem.

They (historically anyway) didn't do it through choice and it was only impoverished families that did that. But back in those days the children would have been sent out to work probably around 5 or 6 years old. So perhaps not the best era in history to be referencing with regards to parenting.

Personally I see no problem with sharing parents bed now and again. But it shouldn't be all the time. Its not healthy from a psychological perspective for a child to permanently share a bed with their parent/parents.

As for social services, they're a necessary evil. Them getting it wrong is rare and even in the majority of cases they get it wrong, kids are being abused just not by the parents/both parents. Nor do they remove kids unless they are high risk. Junkies are even allowed to keep their kids providing they are being adequately looked after.

sedment

Can remember creeping into my parents bed when I was poorly and needing comfort from bad dreams etc. Even being looked after my my nana and her husband, I used to climb in with them in the morning and "papas princess's" would get breakfast in bed! Unless the child feels uncomfortable with it I dont see the problem.

BugglyB

Erections are a normal physiological thing, and are not inherently harmful to children.

What better chance to explain to daughter about how the body works, what is appropriate and what is not. We learn by exploring our bodies and noticing the difference between ours and others.

paddy's_mum

itsanne wrote: »

a child sleeping with her father. That is perfectly normal

Really? I'm astounded and can only think that my entire family (and I am just one of 35 cousins) my whole circle of friends and colleagues must all be totally flippin' abnormal then since all of us and our children and their children had/have their own beds.

There must also be thousands upon thousands of very abnormal people staffing Local Authorities up and down the country since they too advocate children of different genders having their own rooms (let alone beds!) after the age of 9 or 10 or so.

Family life should be warm and intimate and affectionate but there is surely a huge difference between the kids scrambling into bed with Mum and/or Dad or Nanny on a chilly morning or when they are feeling unhappy or poorly and this dad decreeing that his daughter shall sleep with him at all times, behind closed doors and without Mum being on the scene.

That isn't a one-off or occasional thing, dictated by the needs of the child - and I'm quite sure that the majority of children each of you know have their own beds. Why is that, I wonder?

In the end though it is enough that people all have different views and/or interpretations and can only agree to disagree. That, I guess, is why restaurants have menus.

Some object to the dancer, some to the fan.

rpc

paddy's_mum wrote: »

this dad decreeing that his daughter shall sleep with him at all times

Who said dad decreed that? All we are told is that this is what happens.

paddy's_mum wrote: »

without Mum being on the scene.

Yes, isn't it fortunate that Daniel Pelka, Peter Connelly and more of your examples had their mums on the scene. Yes, mums really are safe and protective.

Is the scenario OP describes ideal (by the standards of our society)? No. Is it wrong? No.