update to husband having a texting "affair"

aileth

Is there a reason why you haven't told your mum the whole story?

With one of my ex's, my mum was like his biggest fan ever. I was getting ready to leave him, she couldn't understand why, I broke down in tears in front of her and confessed everything (He was a very aggressive man, I would lock myself in the bathroom, he threw a vase at me etc... and then he was playing away so to speak).

The morning after I told her, I had a ring at the apartment intercom with my mum and dad with a van to move me out ASAP and had cleared a room for me overnight. I would never have imagined they would've done that as they too thought he was some sort of god amongst men, but hearing what was actually happening opened their eyes.

Person_one

You need to do something definite, like ripping off a plaster.

Change your status to 'single' on facebook, that's a public statement there's no going back from!

Tell your mum, but don't !!!!!foot around, tell her why and exactly what he did.

Start packing your stuff up, ask your friend to let you move some of your things in.

snow_ball

I'm not a big poster on this forum, but wanted to say I'm another one who's been through a very similar experience. It was online, nothing physical but it showed me he had zero respect for me.

I too stayed out of fear of the unknown (we'd been together for years since our teens) and I couldn't imagine how I'd cope on my own.

My feelings slowly died and I eventually ended it and after the first 6 months of being on my own, I knew I'd be ok. That was 5 or 6 years ago and it was the best thing I've ever done. I took nothing with me and had to move back in with my mum, but I'm so glad I did because now I'm truly happy and not constantly wondering if I deserve better.

I did. And it sounds like you do too x

HPoirot

rocketqueen wrote: »

Thank you all.

Sorry to hear so many of you have been in similar situations.

The text I saw was just wishing him a happy birthday, and he'd replied with thank you so all pretty innocent BUT why would he remain in contact at all. Says to me he thinks he's away with it now. How can he not have noticed that I'm working so much and don't want any intimate contact since I found out.

Seems like just as I make my mind up to go, I think of something stupid that changes my mind back....my mate says I'm over thinking it all - almost in an attempt to persuade myself to stay - I think there's some truth in that.

Have tried to talk to my mum but she thinks sun shines out of husbands behind (she does not know about the texts though) so there is no point.

Terrified of making the wrong decision.

Still texting after being caught out. Seem pretty spineless to me and best left to each other.

FatVonD

rocketqueen wrote: »

The text I saw was just wishing him a happy birthday, and he'd replied with thank you so all pretty innocent BUT why would he remain in contact at all.

Sorry but after what they did he should be having no contact with her whatsoever in an attempt to prove to you that he regrets what he did. To continue texting each other means they are both taking you for a fool, how flippin' disrespectful!

rocketqueen

Guess up until this point I've avoided telling my mum as if we stay together it'd make things awkward in future for him and her. Haven't really told anyone apart from 1old friend and 2 friends at work. Not too sure why I haven't told anyone think I'm bit embarressed.

I know deep down our marriage is over and I cant get back the way it was. So guess on some level I am grieving for the loss of the man I thought id grow old with.

thanks everyone I'll keep you all updated.

aileth

rocketqueen wrote: »

Guess up until this point I've avoided telling my mum as if we stay together it'd make things awkward in future for him and her. Haven't really told anyone apart from 1old friend and 2 friends at work. Not too sure why I haven't told anyone think I'm bit embarressed.

I know deep down our marriage is over and I cant get back the way it was. So guess on some level I am grieving for the loss of the man I thought id grow old with.

thanks everyone I'll keep you all updated.

It's all totally understandable, but if you tell your mum everything chances are you will open up another support network for yourself, thus making it easier to cut ties and leave.

HPoirot

Anger at being walked over is what you need at this stage OP! Grieving will only drag you down especially if you can't go on with it.

sacha28

Hi RQ how are things?
I've just been flicking through and thought I'd put my 2 pence worth in.

Firstly, if you leave and he does something stupid it's HIS fault NOT YOURS. He chose to have an affair (of sorts), it is his actions that have got him where he is today and his trying to make you feel guilty is down to him feeling guilty at being caught out.

Secondly, walking out into the unknown IS scary but it does get better. I was with my ex for 11 years, he was mentally and financially abusive. For the last 6 years of that relationship I hated him but was too scared to do things on my own as I didn't know how. I had no family support and he had isolated me from just about every friend I had. I walked out with just the clothes on my back. I was lucky enough to get help from my work organisation as they put me up in staff accommodation temporarily but that was all I had. I didn't even have access to the joint bank account (that only I paid into with the 3 jobs I was working at the time!) but I went in branch and explained the situation and they opened me an account and told me to go back when my wages were paid in (it was about 3 days later) and they would transfer them into my new account. I felt free for the first time in years!! I could wear what I liked, I could talk to who I liked, I could go to bed when I liked.....all without worrying what he would say!!

Nobody deserves to live a life of unhappiness. Life is so difficult as it is without the added burden of an emotionally abusive cheater who has little or no respect for you. Find respect for yourself and live for you, you deserve it xxxx

sacha28

:beer:Hi RQ how are things?
I've just been flicking through and thought I'd put my 2 pence worth in.

Firstly, if you leave and he does something stupid it's HIS fault NOT YOURS. He chose to have an affair (of sorts), it is his actions that have got him where he is today and his trying to make you feel guilty is down to him feeling guilty at being caught out.

Secondly, walking out into the unknown IS scary but it does get better. I was with my ex for 11 years, he was mentally and financially abusive. For the last 6 years of that relationship I hated him but was too scared to do things on my own as I didn't know how. I had no family support and he had isolated me from just about every friend I had. I walked out with just the clothes on my back. I was lucky enough to get help from my work organisation as they put me up in staff accommodation temporarily but that was all I had. I didn't even have access to the joint bank account (that only I paid into with the 3 jobs I was working at the time!) but I went in branch and explained the situation and they opened me an account and told me to go back when my wages were paid in (it was about 3 days later) and they would transfer them into my new account. I felt free for the first time in years!! I could wear what I liked, I could talk to who I liked, I could go to bed when I liked.....all without worrying what he would say!!

Nobody deserves to live a life of unhappiness. Life is so difficult as it is without the added burden of an emotionally abusive cheater who has little or no respect for you. Find respect for yourself and live for you, you deserve it xxxx
:A