update to husband having a texting "affair"

Caroline_a

Sending you hugs!!! Not a fan of dental work myself (huge exaggeration )

I would set your plans out in your own mind. Give yourself a date to move out, talk it through with friend, maybe look to your next step after that (where to find housing, etc), ensure that your bank account is secure (stop using joint accounts), etc etc. Then you will be strong enough to tell him, as you lug your suitcase out of the door.

You're certainly not alone in being half afraid to tell him - why do you think so many people leave notes and just go?

Mojisola

opinions4u wrote: »

For the reasons highlighted I'd strongly suggest not starting a new relationship for a few months. Give yourself the chance to be absolutely certain in your own mind that ending the marriage is the right course of action.

It's also best not to think of starting a new relationship for a time because you won't really know who you are when you step from away from this man. Give yourself a chance to know that you're doing things because you want to, not because that's what kept him happy. Take the time to be yourself.

If you go into another relationship too quickly, you may find you've attracted the same sort of man again.:eek:

Oakie

RQ.. You sound as if you are nearly there...deep breath and tell him.

Christmas is fast approaching,you really don't want to be with him then,with parties / family gatherings/mistletoe/presents and all the pretending to be jolly because its that time of year.When the guy standing next to you is making you miserable.
For many people Christmas is their tipping point. Aim to be well away by then and then you really can enjoy the festive period.

NinjaSavingKat

RQ how are you today? How'd the dental work go..?

jellyhead

Hi RQ, I hope the dentist wasn't too bad.

If you seriously think he won't know how to run the household, look back through your finances and bank statements and write down everything he needs to know. If the credit cards and fuel bills are online statement only then see if you can switch back to paper, or give everyone his email address.

I have everything written down with the dates for paying things, what's direct debit and what needs to be done manually, etc. for just in case I am ever away from home unexpectedly, so my husband will know exactly how I faff around with the finances (he works more than I do, so it makes sense for me to do the finances in my spare time). I did this after I was in hospital in another town with my ill baby, and he missed a credit card payment he didn't know I should have made.

Tell him which month the house insurance runs out and how you pay the TV license, council tax, etc.

Washing machines are pretty easy really, but if he honestly wouldn't be able to work it out (it can't be harder than learning a new xbox game though?) maybe leave him instructions for how to do a basic wash and a white wash, and how much detergent and softener to use, and which section of the drawer to put them in.

Or tell his mum you don't think he knows how, and she can teach him.

Tell his mum he said he'd kill himself if you left him. It's not your fault if he does, but he probably won't.

rocketqueen

Thought I'd update you all.

After all the thoughts of leaving he actually asked me to go 12 days ago - he thought we needed a break. So I went. This was a Thursday night at 9pm and he then didn't contact me for 3 days. Then his friends started texting and calling me telling me what a state he was in and how worried they were about him. Then he started the begging texts.

Last thursday a week after leaving I went to talk to him and pick up more stuff, he looked broken and I felt terrible. I spent next two days at my mates crying and miserable - id started missing him and my old life.

Saturday I found it all too hard and went back. Think I panicked and just wanted familiarity and normality back and I was worried about him. Thing is in the 9 days I was gone I felt so happy (apart from last 2 days) and like myself again now im back I dont.

Things are still bad here and I cant bear him to try and kiss me etc, I feel like a right soft touch for coming back. I just missed him, the cat and my old life don't think the fact I had all week off work to mull thibgs over helped all that much either.

Person_one

After everything HE had the nerve to ask YOU to leave?

Words fail me.

Get out of there, you know you need to, I'm sorry but your old life ended when he was sat next to you texting the other woman and laughing at you.

Mojisola

rocketqueen wrote: »

Thing is in the 9 days I was gone I felt so happy (apart from last 2 days) and like myself again now im back I dont.

You know what you need to do.

aileth

What a cheeky !!!!!!, making YOU leave your house. I'd have kicked him right in his little swimmers and told him to leave.

Well, you've had a break now, you've seen the other side, you know what it can be like. Yes, it's incredible hard to break routine and the doldrums of it, but you know you need to. The grass is greener!

I suppose I'm not really one to talk or give advice like this, as I myself am incredibly torn between leaving my marriage or not. I haven't had the benefit of a break yet to see what life could be like. You know you'd be happier!

tayforth

I agree with all of the above.