update to husband having a texting "affair"

marisco_2

rocketqueen wrote: »

He knows I'm still finding it hard but doesn't seem to want to try to make things better.

I hinted to him how badly I was feeling and he told me that his life wasn't worth living if I left him and if I went he'd kill himself

Sorry to be blunt but I think you should walk away from the manipulative [EMAIL="b@stard"]b@stard[/EMAIL] without a backward glance. I remember your previous thread and your husband treated you with total contempt in the way he conducted his affair. Since then it would seem he has made little to no effort to work on your relationship. Now he is resorting to emotional blackmail in order to keep you with him, desperate measures from a man who realises there is little else that would make you stay with him.

Few people who have any intention of doing themselves serious harm threaten it. If he was stupid enough to try to take his own life that is his choice, which you would not be responsible for. Ask yourself this, can you really see yourself living a happy and fulfilled life with this man? If the answer is a resounding no then cut your losses before staying with him really brings you down.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

One of my exes, a very needy and clingy person, regularly threatened suicide if things weren't going his own way.

When I finally had enough, I cut all contact, but he continued to contact me and threaten to come round 'to talk'. I got on with my life and didn't respond.


Eventually, he came round secretly and obviously saw that I was with somebody else, whether it was seeing me in the street or whether he'd been outside the house at night, I don't know. In any case, it would have been the perfect time for him to make good his previous wailed threats.


He didn't. He went home and left me a last, calm message on the answerphone; 'I see you've got a new relationship. Thanks for trying to not hurt my feelings by telling me. Good luck'.


And that was it. And he is still alive, or his mum would have contacted me.


Threats of suicide are nothing but saying 'I want to trap and control you through fear'.

dragonette

I know this may a trivial point but...cats aren't legally property and cannot legally be 'owned' the same way a dog is. Take the cat or leave it, whichever is best for the animal.

But don't let it affect your decision to stay or leave yourself, there are bigger issues. *hugs* and good luck

Soleil_lune

marisco wrote: »

Sorry to be blunt but I think you should walk away from the manipulative [EMAIL="b@stard"]b@stard[/EMAIL] without a backward glance. I remember your previous thread and your husband treated you with total contempt in the way he conducted his affair. Since then it would seem he has made little to no effort to work on your relationship. Now he is resorting to emotional blackmail in order to keep you with him, desperate measures from a man who realises there is little else that would make you stay with him.

Few people who have any intention of doing themselves serious harm threaten it. If he was stupid enough to try to take his own life that is his choice, which you would not be responsible for. Ask yourself this, can you really see yourself living a happy and fulfilled life with this man? If the answer is a resounding no then cut your losses before staying with him really brings you down.

Good post. And I agree that people who threaten suicide rarely do it: it's just an attention-seeking ploy. Real suicidal people will not voice their intentions.

DUTR

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Good post. And I agree that people who threaten suicide rarely do it: it's just an attention-seeking ploy. Real suicidal people will not voice their intentions.

I know people and know of people who have had family members complete the deed, so it was no idle threat, however those that did never did it over some opposite gender.

rocketqueen

Morning thanks again for all the replies.

I would leave the cat with him, as although not legally maybe it is his cat, and remaining in her home would be the best fairest thing for her. She is a rescue cat with lots of issues and I don't want to uproot her. For all my husbands faults he would look after her I have no doubt on this.

I really think he's got no idea I'm seriously thinking about leaving him. I'm sure if I even try and talk to him about how I feel he'll just start crying, begging, threatening to harm himself etc but won't actually listen to what I have to say.

CH27

I'd start having a look at places for you to rent on your own.
Start making some plans for the future so if you do decide to leave him you have an action plan.

paulineb_2

rocketqueen wrote: »

Morning thanks again for all the replies.

I would leave the cat with him, as although not legally maybe it is his cat, and remaining in her home would be the best fairest thing for her. She is a rescue cat with lots of issues and I don't want to uproot her. For all my husbands faults he would look after her I have no doubt on this.

I really think he's got no idea I'm seriously thinking about leaving him. I'm sure if I even try and talk to him about how I feel he'll just start crying, begging, threatening to harm himself etc but won't actually listen to what I have to say.

You havent spoken to him about the possibility of going?

Dont you think its time you went to speak to someone professional, a counsellor, on your own if need be so you can talk through how you feel and make some decisions

Its all very well people saying leave him without a backward glance, but its not that easy, you cant just wipe out years of shared history in a few weeks

If you do want to go, your choice, but neither of you are communicating over this and if you really have made your mind up, then tell him.

He may have no idea that you are thinking about leaving him because you havent spoken to him about it.

CH27

paulineb wrote: »

You havent spoken to him about the possibility of going?

Dont you think its time you went to speak to someone professional, a counsellor, on your own if need be so you can talk through how you feel and make some decisions

Its all very well people saying leave him without a backward glance, but its not that easy, you cant just wipe out years of shared history in a few weeks

If you do want to go, your choice, but neither of you are communicating over this and if you really have made your mind up, then tell him.

He may have no idea that you are thinking about leaving him because you havent spoken to him about it.

He's emotionally blackmailing her by threatening suicide if she leaves him.
Do you really think he will have a rational conversation about her leaving or finding a way forward?

He betrayed her trust & now he is saying her feelings don't matter.

aileth

rocketqueen wrote: »

I really think he's got no idea I'm seriously thinking about leaving him.

"Ha, she wouldn't dare leave me after what I said about killing myself. I've guilt-tripped her so much she will stay with me forever!"