update to husband having a texting "affair"

TeamLowe

TBH the threats to kill himself just go to show how little he cares about you- all he cares about is what he wants and he doesn't care how much his words upset you if it means he gets what he wants.

which could also apply to the affair.

And whilst i can understand not having physical security is a very scary thought, can you honestly hand on heart say you have emotional security right now?

I'd take my cat and find a little place to rent that was just mine whilst I sorted my head out and gained some emotional stability and strength

You've had an awful time and need to look after yourself. and the cat. the world is always better with a fluffy purr machine by your side

DUTR

As per post #3,
seems strange that in another thread the chap discovers his Mrs was having an affair and it's somehow his fault, yet when the tables are turned it's still the blokes fault?
You both need to sit and discuss the situation either together or with an independant arbitrator.

rpc

Either this is him not knowing how to cope, he really does feel that way and he is just carrying on as if nothing had happened

OR

This is emotional abuse/blackmail because he thinks you should just be able to "deal with it" and it is your problem.


If he says that, it is probably a good indicator that he wouldn't go through with it.

Counselling might help the two of you through a breakup if you wanted, so at least you can communicate and understand. You would be totally within your rights to take the cat and leave one day if that is what you prefer. Your home is just bricks and mortar. You will find the security again once you come out the other side of this. It sounds to me like you have good friends. Use them - it is times like these that they are there for!

FatVonD

He won't kill himself but, if it makes you feel better, as soon as you're out of the door drop a note through his parent's door explaining what happened and why you've left and that he is threatening suicide. It's then no longer your responsibility, they can keep an eye on him and your mind can be put at rest.

I can't remember from your last thread if your home is rented or mortgaged, I'm hoping it's rented in which case pick up your bags and cat basket and don't look backwards

Bazey

What a douchebag. I would tell his family that he has talked about suicide and run for the hills.

LannieDuck

DUTR wrote: »

As per post #3,
seems strange that in another thread the chap discovers his Mrs was having an affair and it's somehow his fault, yet when the tables are turned it's still the blokes fault?
You both need to sit and discuss the situation either together or with an independant arbitrator.

Which thread was that? (Am wondering why posters thought it was his fault when she was the one that cheated...)

amus

Ah the 'I'll kill myself if you leave', hallmark of an abusive relationship.

If I were you OP I would get rid ASAP and move on. Easier said than done I know but this guy sounds like bad news to me.

paulineb_2

double_mummy wrote: »

i would ask him to go and spend a couple of days to give you some time and space if he wont do this then kick him out
if he will do this then think about it and if you are still not happy kick him out

you are married so do not leave the home it is a marital asset he is the one who has done wrong so he is the one who should leave

Kick him out? Because he made a mistake? Sorry, but shes married, as you say, its a marital asset, he has the right to stay there as well.

Making someone homeless because they made a mistake? Thats not the advice Id be giving anyone.

Person_one

paulineb wrote: »

Kick him out? Because he made a mistake? Sorry, but shes married, as you say, its a marital asset, he has the right to stay there as well.

Making someone homeless because they made a mistake? Thats not the advice Id be giving anyone.

He didn't 'make a mistake'.

Making a mistake would be putting a red sock in with a whites wash, this was a deliberate and prolonged deception.

tiger_eyes

paulineb wrote: »

Kick him out? Because he made a mistake? Sorry, but shes married, as you say, its a marital asset, he has the right to stay there as well.

Making someone homeless because they made a mistake? Thats not the advice Id be giving anyone.

A deliberate, calculated, prolonged course of conduct is not a mistake. You can't have an affair by mistake.