update to husband having a texting "affair"

alleycat`

Whatever the rights and wrongs of the situation he probably does have the right to live there.

If the OP wishes to leave then she is quite capable of doing so and that is her choice.

How everything is divided up is a matter for the courts.

Throwing people out, changing locks, etc is only likely to make things worse.

paulineb_2

tiger_eyes wrote: »

A deliberate, calculated, prolonged course of conduct is not a mistake. You can't have an affair by mistake.

People do make mistakes, affairs included. And some people survive them, other people dont.

I stand by what I said, saying just kick him out is wrong.

And not having an affair by mistake doesnt mean that someone hasnt made a mistake by doing what they did.

paulineb_2

Person_one wrote: »

He didn't 'make a mistake'.

Making a mistake would be putting a red sock in with a whites wash, this was a deliberate and prolonged deception.

And? People do have affairs. People arent perfect and nothing justifies the way he has behaved.

But some couples can recover from it and they do. And if this couple cant, that is fair enough.

But saying, just boot him out? As someone else said, they arent talking to one another at all, both are miserable and even if they do want to end the marriage, some counselling and hopefully a split where decisions are made in time about who gets what asset, I think would be better than just shoving someone out the door.

But other people can disagree, thats up to them.

Frith

Ah, suicide threats. My ex husband threatened to commit suicide probably 20+ times in our marriage. He used to go to the point of getting the car keys/putting his shoes on.

Strangely, he liked to do this while I was in the bath or had just gone to bed, to cause maximum stress to me (having to get dressed and run after him).

He was adamant he would kill himself if I left him. I left him in 2005 - he's still alive!

Day 3 after I drove off, he left an answering machine that he was going to crash the car into something (complete with revving engine noises).

Tell him every time he threatens to commit suicide, you will call the police to check up on his welfare. Or just call them!

DUTR

LannieDuck wrote: »

Which thread was that? (Am wondering why posters thought it was his fault when she was the one that cheated...)

I have just searched back, it was a recent thread, looks like it has been deleted (even though at the time it hadn't turned into a heated debate).

Person_one

DUTR wrote: »

I have just searched back, it was a recent thread, looks like it has been deleted (even though at the time it hadn't turned into a heated debate).

How convenient.

HeadAboveWater

See post #8

Errata

OP - either pop him in the car, take him round to his mum's, tell her he wants to top himself and leave them to it, or take your cat in one hand and your self respect in the other and leave him to enjoy the flat he bought and the mortgage he pays and all the bills that he pays.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Take the cat with you.


He won't top himself.

rocketqueen

Thanks for all the replys sorry I'm only just updating.

Regardless of the legal/moral situation and fact its his fault I wouldn't contemplate throwing him out, if someone goes it'll be me. He brought the flat before we lived together, he paid all the deposit, his name is on the lease and he pays the mortgage - so rightly or wrongly in my eyes if we split up the flat stays with him.

Unfortunately so does the cat, as its also his and leaving her will be really hard.

Just don't want to be at home anymore, I keep staying late at work to avoid being at home.

I don't think he'd actually carry out his threat, as I've known him for years and he's never had any kind of mental health problems etc which would lead me to believe he'd go through with it. Think it was him saying that he'd kill himself that was the last straw to be honest as it seems such a pathetic and psycologicial bullying way of getting someone to stay with you. If he hadn't have said that I think our marriage would've stood a chance but I've come to realise he's used this kind of psycologicial behaviour before to get his own way. Telling me he doesn't like me working weekends and he gets lonely as a reason for texting other girls for example. Or asking me not to go on holiday with my friends as he'll miss me.

Its just so hard to imagine actually going, I still care about him and don't want to hurt him (even after what he's done) and he seems to think everything is ok now. But I cant go on feeling like this.

Don't think he'd ever agree to counselling etc.