Staying in a hotel when visiting friends

greenorange

lika_86 wrote: »

I'd find it a bit weird if I was going out with my mates for the night (we live around the country) and they'd travelled for the night out but yet didn't stay. Part of the night out is all getting ready together, having a catch up and a few pre-drinks, then the night out, then all getting a taxi home together, having a bit of a wind down and all waking up in the morning together for a post-night out hungover breakfast/brunch.

Then again, I'm now (that I'm not a student) not afraid to say that I'm knackered after a long week at work and so need to go to bed (even if I'm sharing a bed with one of my friends).

A few days would be different but for a night out I think I'd be a bit offended and wonder why my friends didn't feel comfortable staying with me and think it was a deficiency in me as a host.

lika_86 wrote: »

You're 24, can you really not go one night with less sleep than you might like?! Have a nap the next day and suck it up in order to not offend your friend.

Both of you have valid points. I could (and maybe I should?) be more willing to crash at people's houses, especially as I'm 24 and it's going to be a late night out where we'll be drinking.

I completely agree that it's probably not the norm in this situation and maybe it's a little odd, even more so that it's only one friend I'm going to visit next week.

One of my bad points always has been that I've found it hard to feel comfortable when crashing at other peoples places/rooms. I like my own space and I don't like to rely on other people. Should I suck it up and get out of my comfort zone? Probably.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

greenorange wrote: »

Both of you have valid points. I could (and maybe I should?) be more willing to crash at people's houses, especially as I'm 24 and it's going to be a late night out where we'll be drinking.

I completely agree that it's probably not the norm in this situation and maybe it's a little odd, even more so that it's only one friend I'm going to visit next week.

One of my bad points always has been that I've found it hard to feel comfortable when crashing at other peoples places/rooms. I like my own space and I don't like to rely on other people. Should I suck it up and get out of my comfort zone? Probably.

No. I rarely stay at other people's. mainly because if I am uncomfortable I can't complain in their house whereas I can in a hotel. I tell them I am fussy and don't want to keep them up if I have a bad night. There is nothing worse than feeling you can't move about or read or have a stretch if you can't sleep.

Humphrey10

greenorange wrote: »

Should I suck it up and get out of my comfort zone? Probably.

There's no need to, if you don't want to. Someone who gets all offended about you not doing something you are not comfortable about doesn't sound like a wonderful friend, tbh. And I really don't think most people would be offended if you told them in advance you wouldn't be staying with them, and told them that it's nothing personal, it's not an insult, but you always stay in hotels/B&Bs where possible.
People only get offended because they feel insulted, they think you are saying there is something wrong with their house, but if you make it clear that it is nothing to do with that they will probably understand.

Torry_Quine

balletshoes wrote: »

What did you say? Did they give any indication they'd take you up on the offer of your spare room?
When I'm at a hotel in this country, I don't care what time breakfast is, if I'm awake in time I'll go for it, if not I won't bother. And unless I'm checking out, I have my hotel room key with me?

They said nothing, not even that they were staying in the area! When told that her mother was in hospital I said my spare room is yours and when I heard nothing naturally presumed they weren't staying as did my family. When we learnt later that they'd stayed at a hotel rather than us it was clear that we weren't even worthy of an explanation for the behaviour. I did say that I was surprised but got no response.

By the key I mean a key to the house allowing them to come and go as they pleased.

Humphrey10 wrote: »

I don't like people seeing me less than fully dressed (unless they are closely related or they have already seen everything!), and I am not going to want to get dressed if I get up in the night to go to the loo, so unless people have an en-suite room available, I'm going to a hotel.
Also I know I snore, so I worry about keeping others awake.
And I love staying at hotels, so I'll take any excuse to do so!

Surely a dressing gown over nightwear suffices and the chances that two people are going to the bathroom at the same time aren't that big surely.

You're snoring is going to disturb others if that bad where ever you sleep surely.

Bogof_Babe

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Surely a dressing gown over nightwear suffices and the chances that two people are going to the bathroom at the same time aren't that big surely.

Who lugs a dressing gown around with them when they go away for a night? :rotfl:

greenorange

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

No. I rarely stay at other people's. mainly because if I am uncomfortable I can't complain in their house whereas I can in a hotel. I tell them I am fussy and don't want to keep them up if I have a bad night. There is nothing worse than feeling you can't move about or read or have a stretch if you can't sleep.

Humphrey10 wrote: »

There's no need to, if you don't want to. Someone who gets all offended about you not doing something you are not comfortable about doesn't sound like a wonderful friend, tbh. And I really don't think most people would be offended if you told them in advance you wouldn't be staying with them, and told them that it's nothing personal, it's not an insult, but you always stay in hotels/B&Bs where possible.
People only get offended because they feel insulted, they think you are saying there is something wrong with their house, but if you make it clear that it is nothing to do with that they will probably understand.

It seems I offend this particular friend twice. First when I book a hotel in town instead of staying at theirs, and a second time when the night's over and they hear my reply when they say "Your hotel is there, I'll just crash in your room instead of getting a cab home.".

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Torry_Quine wrote: »

They said nothing, not even that they were staying in the area! When told that her mother was in hospital I said my spare room is yours and when I heard nothing naturally presumed they weren't staying as did my family. When we learnt later that they'd stayed at a hotel rather than us it was clear that we weren't even worthy of an explanation for the behaviour. I did say that I was surprised but got no response.

Eek, you sound a bit needy! Why would they explain themselves to you? Their mother was in hospital, they got a hotel to stay in. Just because you offered a room doesn't mean they have to explain to you that they were in a hotel. You don't own them.

Humphrey10

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Surely a dressing gown over nightwear suffices and the chances that two people are going to the bathroom at the same time aren't that big surely.

You're snoring is going to disturb others if that bad where ever you sleep surely.

I don't want people seeing me without a bra, and I cannot sleep in one, it is not comfortable. And I don't want to have to stop and faff about putting one on in the middle of the night when I am needing the bathroom, that would be horrible.
I've often found that someone will go to the bathroom just before or just after you - the noise from the first person wakes the second.

Hotels can have soundproofing, and if you ask them for a quiet room will often give you a room with empty rooms either side if possible. So much less chance of being disturbed or of disturbing others. But it does depend on the hotel.

Torry_Quine

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Eek, you sound a bit needy! Why would they explain themselves to you? Their mother was in hospital, they got a hotel to stay in. Just because you offered a room doesn't mean they have to explain to you that they were in a hotel. You don't own them.

To me it would be polite to say 'Thanks for the offer but we'd rather stay in a hotel because .....', rather than stay in a hotel and not even say they were in town. This despite the fact that I visited several times before they arrived and between their visits, (although I only found out when they were around later)

Humphrey10 wrote: »

I don't want people seeing me without a bra, and I cannot sleep in one, it is not comfortable. And I don't want to have to stop and faff about putting one on in the middle of the night when I am needing the bathroom, that would be horrible.
I've often found that someone will go to the bathroom just before or just after you - the noise from the first person wakes the second.

Hotels can have soundproofing, and if you ask them for a quiet room will often give you a room with empty rooms either side if possible. So much less chance of being disturbed or of disturbing others. But it does depend on the hotel.

Unless you share a bedroom then why would you hear someone going to the toilet during the night? That's a genuine question by the way.

Tiddlywinks

lika_86 wrote: »

I'd find it a bit weird if I was going out with my mates for the night (we live around the country) and they'd travelled for the night out but yet didn't stay.

.....

A few days would be different but for a night out I think I'd be a bit offended and wonder why my friends didn't feel comfortable staying with me and think it was a deficiency in me as a host.

BUT... this wouldn't be about you would it? In this scenario the friend would have said 'hey, I'd rather stay in a hotel as I get grumpy in the mornings and need my own space 'til I get human again'... why would you assume it was meant as a slight?

lika_86 wrote: »

You're 24, can you really not go one night with less sleep than you might like?! Have a nap the next day and suck it up in order to not offend your friend.

Why should a person bow to your preference though? Why couldn't you 'suck it up' instead?

Friendship works both ways you know? You need a little give and take on both sides.