Staying in a hotel when visiting friends

Torry_Quine

bitemebankers wrote: »

I refer not to your attitude on this thread, but rather the very conservative, homophobic and transphobic attitudes you've displayed over the last several years on this forum.



I suspect they feel quite awkward about the whole thing and felt it was just easier to stay in a hotel rather than explain exactly why they don't want to stay with you. For what it's worth, I have relatives that hold similar, very "conservative" attitudes to yourself and I (and other members of the family) tend to give them a wide berth.

liney wrote: »

I think the fact they 'didn't even acknowledge the offer,' was a pretty definately 'we're not coming.'

Some people will ignore parts of conversations to avoid possible confrontation, or saying no. They never led you to believe they would be staying, by the sounds of it.

To me it doesn't matter what the reason, not even giving an answer is rude and says that they don't even believe in basic courtesy.

Soleil_lune

Haven't read the whole of this thread, but have read some of the replies.

When I was much younger (teen/adolescent) I used to stay over at peoples' houses, and think this is very common - even now - for that age group, and I was pretty OK with it then. But as I got older, I got to like it a lot less. The OP is 24, round about the age that I was starting to grow weary of it.

Now I am quite a BIT older than 24, I can't think of many things worse than staying at someone's house, or someone staying at mine. When we had my OH's cousin who he hadn't seen for 10 years, come to stay a couple of years ago, it was the hardest day and night and morning after EVER, having to entertain her. She came at midday on the Sunday, and we didn't go to bed until eleven pm. ELEVEN HOURS! I felt like I had worked a full week by the end of the day.

And the last time I stayed at someone's house (after a Christening/Christening party about 7 years ago,) it was mind-numbingly awkward! It was a friend of my husband's and their family was there, and I barely knew anyone.

Hotel for me every time. Travelodge is about £19 a night sometimes!

As for what Torry Quine said... If you had offered to put the person up, and they didn't say they weren't coming to stay, just leaving you hanging on, then yes, that was rude. But if they did say 'no thank you,' then that is fine, and they don't have to give an explanation. Some people are very private and do feel awkward in certain social situations; and staying at someone's house is a big 'awkward' social situation for many. If someone said 'no thanks, we are staying in a hotel,' it's not fair to demand to know why.

If we have family/friends out of the area visit us now, I actually OFFER to pay for a hotel room for them, which they seemed really chuffed with. Privacy, and time to ourselves for all, and it makes for a much better visit.

bitemebankers

Torry_Quine wrote: »

To me it doesn't matter what the reason,

Yes, I think we'd gathered that already.

penguingirl

I'm not a big fan of staying at people's houses- particularly if there's drinking involved as I tend to sleep very badly after a night out (very jealous of those who sleep off hangovers), but I do it a handful of times a year as I don't live in the same city as most of my friends (I'm 45 min drive out). But I tend to just suck it up and have a big nap when I get home. If I'm going straight home the next morning I have previously warned a friend that I would just leave to get the bus in the morning- she was happy with that as had had a hell of a week and just wanted a mega lie in. Also for those worrying about being in pjs and not having a dressing gown- I tend to just have a hoodie that I can chuck on.

We don't often have people stay at ours either, but that's because our sofa bed is pretty small. We do have a premier inn along the road so wouldn't be offended if someone stayed there and just turned up for breakfast!

lostinrates

penguingirl wrote: »

I'm not a big fan of staying at people's houses- particularly if there's drinking involved as I tend to sleep very badly after a night out (very jealous of those who sleep off hangovers), but I do it a handful of times a year as I don't live in the same city as most of my friends (I'm 45 min drive out). But I tend to just suck it up and have a big nap when I get home. If I'm going straight home the next morning I have previously warned a friend that I would just leave to get the bus in the morning- she was happy with that as had had a hell of a week and just wanted a mega lie in. Also for those worrying about being in pjs and not having a dressing gown- I tend to just have a hoodie that I can chuck on.

We don't often have people stay at ours either, but that's because our sofa bed is pretty small. We do have a premier inn along the road so wouldn't be offended if someone stayed there and just turned up for breakfast!

There is 'drinking" and 'drinking'. None of our friends get 'drunk' but many of them (or us) drink and live rurally. Being able to offer some one a bedroom (or decent sofa bed) for the night offers a legal and safe way to socialise together.

Re awkwardness....

While we don't tend to stay anywhere ( I don't get out much now due to health problems, if I do I really do need my own space sadly....) we have people here. We tend to give them the spare room, or if needed our room....and we sleep on the sofa bed (our sofa bed is actually wonderful, better than many proper beds!). We also tell people....we'll be up at x time for the animals.....get up, stay in bed...do whatever., No need to dress for breakfast unless you want to.

There is no need for things to be awkward, and most people can manage to sort themselves out if adequately provided without being shadowed.


While space is great (and I think long weekends are the longest stay with some one anyone should do) its a bit sad none of us can get along for just one night without specific reason to need space, huh?

penguingirl

lostinrates wrote: »

There is 'drinking" and 'drinking'. None of our friends get 'drunk' but many of them (or us) drink and live rurally. Being able to offer some one a bedroom (or decent sofa bed) for the night offers a legal and safe way to socialise together.

Unfortunately for me my sleep tends to be impacted by just a couple of glasses of wine! None of us tend to get drunk (literally couldn't face the hangover these days), but enjoying letting our hair down every now and then. But you're right, the inconvenience of staying over somewhere is worth it- and it's nothing a good saturday afternoon nap doesn't fix

However, just make sure you pick your friends wisely! I was once due to stay at a colleagues city centre flat with a couple of other colleagues. We drove our cars there, left out overnight stuff (and car/house keys!) and she promptly disappeared. Aside from being very worried (she didn't answer her phone, and it later turned out she snuck off with an ex-bf), we were also a bit stranded and someone's husband came and collected us. Needless to say we'll never stay with that person again...

lostinrates

penguingirl wrote: »

Unfortunately for me my sleep tends to be impacted by just a couple of glasses of wine! None of us tend to get drunk (literally couldn't face the hangover these days), but enjoying letting our hair down every now and then. But you're right, the inconvenience of staying over somewhere is worth it- and it's nothing a good saturday afternoon nap doesn't fix

However, just make sure you pick your friends wisely! I was once due to stay at a colleagues city centre flat with a couple of other colleagues. We drove our cars there, left out overnight stuff (and car/house keys!) and she promptly disappeared. Aside from being very worried (she didn't answer her phone, and it later turned out she snuck off with an ex-bf), we were also a bit stranded and someone's husband came and collected us. Needless to say we'll never stay with that person again...

I know that sort of disturbed sleep,you have my sympathy. Worth noting, btw, what wines are giving it to you, it may well not all be all wines ( perhaps depending on grapes, tanines, sulphites ( people row about that a lot). So worth experimenting.

penguingirl

lostinrates wrote: »

I know that sort of disturbed sleep,you have my sympathy. Worth noting, btw, what wines are giving it to you, it may well not all be all wines ( perhaps depending on grapes, tanines, sulphites ( people row about that a lot). So worth experimenting.

Any excuse! I am finding it's getting a bit better with age- but I'm not a great sleeper anyway (can be easily wakened by any noise or light) so I think it's the compounding effect of a bit of alcohol, being somewhere unusual (often with a less comfy bed and without partner) and my bad sleep. Anyway might have gone a bit off track as none of those things would improve in a hotel which is what OP asked about.

greenorange

Thanks for all the replies. I've read them all and it's great to get a mixture of opinions and know that I'm not the only odd one that like's to stay in hotels.

While I didn't include this in my original post (it doesn't change my desire to stay in a hotel), I'm actually being shown around the local university at 9am the next day for an hour, so staying in a hotel means that I can call it a night when I wish, and I can happily get ready in the morning without waking up others.

£21 for a local travelodge to me is worth it. My friend being a little disappointed is more costly to me, but hopefully I'll explain to them my reasons and they'll be more accepting.

Thanks for all the replies.