Simmering resentment

Coxy11

Just to clarify further (as there have been some cross-posts).

In laws were present when the argument took place. In laws are very solvent and have been so for many years. I never once mentioned their Will or what that might involve in terms of their children - it's up to them what they do with their money. I did not get involved with the argument.

Spooky that MIL just phoned me and was as nice as pie :rotfl:

Coxy

aliasojo

Coxy11 wrote: »

To answer the question - yes we did discuss many times the need to extend our house, it was no secret.
Coxy

But that's not the same as asking for help?

And if you acted like you had a plan then perhaps the inlaws just never thought to approach you to offer help?

I don't know, I obviously wasn't there but I think perhaps this isn't exactly a level situation to start with and it's not just as clear cut as 'inlaws helped A but didn't help B'. Iyswim.

aliasojo

Coxy11 wrote: »

In laws were present when the argument took place.

Coxy

So if inlaws were there, what was their response to all this?

dibuzz

Maybe the in-laws are in a better position to help now or maybe they are thinking (unfairly) that their son has managed on his own so they may as well help their daughter.

I have to admit that my kids haven't all had the same off me over the years but they understand that situations change and what I can afford for a 21st birthday for one won't necessarily be the same for the others.

In an ideal world we would all love the give our kids exactly the same but it often doesn't work out like that.

gingin_2

Coxy11 wrote: »

We waited 7 years in order to earn enough to be able to do so. I feel very proud that DH and I have planned and worked really hard not to have to ask for handouts (lent or given) over the years.



Coxy

That is good but if you are so proud of yourselves then why are you so resentful of SIL who hasn't been able to achieve what you have?

If you truly feel like that then walk with your heads held high and feel the better people for it. As said before, the fall out will come later if they can't pay it back but you are better off on the side lines.

Treevo

aliasojo wrote: »

Ah, that wasn't clear to me by your original post. It read as if you were talking about the OP.

Understood.

I have a little experience of that sort of behaviour. My children are beneficiaries of a trust set up by my OH's grandfather before he died with his estate (to pay education costs only). My OH's dad (only surviving child) spent a long time angry because he felt the money should have gone to him (never mind his mother who had just lost her husband!) and not to his children and now his grandchildren.

It's just not worth it. You can't be so angry over someone else's money because it is someone else's money.

Coxy11

They were shuffling from foot to foot. FIL also said that the argument was due to him 'doing too much for xxxx'

Thank you all for your replies. You are all right - it's not my argument it's DHs and he will deal with it how he sees fit. It's good to get others take on the situation though. Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply :A

Coxy

AlexLK

I wouldn't worry about this if I were you.

My wife has a brother and a sister, the sister gets a lot of help from her parents despite them not being very well off themselves which her brother and my wife do not get. The sister is a bit of a "good for nothing": no job, no husband and yet two children, no house of her own etc. Whilst my wife and her brother both work hard and get very little.

At least my niece (brother-in-law's daughter) sees lots of her grandparents whereas they are not interested in our son at all.

sassyblue

I just don't know how parents can treat one child different to the other in a situation like this, it's the in-laws who want their heads testing.

poorly_scammo

SIL and her husband are now in hock to their in-laws with all the potential problems that could cause. Even if in-laws don't want the money back, they could still twist the knife sharply if SIL/husband do anything that they don't like - 'And we gave you all that money and this is how you treat us...'

At least you don't have any of that to contend with. I do agree that siblings should be treated the same but in practice, that often doesn't happen.