Simmering resentment

Coxy11

Just wanted others thoughts please.

SIL and her husband are extending their house. As they don't have any equity (only bought it two years ago) and don't earn enough, my in-laws are lending them the money. In laws haven't discussed terms with SIL and husband as they don't know what the final bill will be yet - builder estimates 42K but then there's a new kitchen, new bathroom, plus decorating the lounge and a new bedroom, plus anywhere else that needs doing.

Builder is building the 'shell' FIL will then fit kitchen, bathroom and do any other DIY that's needed.

SIL 'thinks' she can afford £200 a month.

They have a 4 bed house at the moment (with 3 children) the youngest child in a 'box' room. Kitchen is fairly recently fitted although they are not able to eat in the kitchen (they have a dining room). Extension will give them a bigger kitchen and a bigger bedroom for the youngest child.

This has led to an almightly argument with DH and SIL (they are siblings) as when we extended our house 18 months ago we went to the bank (like you do) and remortgaged. We had to prove our income and make sure we could afford the repayments (including interest). In laws did not offer to help us and we did not ask. We waited 7 years to extend, to enable us to be in a position to borrow from the bank. Our youngest child was in a box room all this time. Our kitchen was handmade by the previous occupant in the 1960s and regularly had to be patched up by us!

Are we being unreasonable feeling this resentment?
Coxy

sharnad

Yes it's between your mil and sil. They want to lend hem the money they want to accept. You choose not to go down that road. Nothi f to do with you really . Let it go or you will end up resentful

foxwales

Life is simply. Too short.

balletshoes

if you have any resentment, it really shouldn't be towards your SIL. Your in-laws have agreed to lend them the money and FIL is doing a lot of the work.

The in-laws didn't offer the same to you but then again, you didn't ask.

I don't really think theres any need to feel resentful towards your SIL because she did ask her parents to help, and they are.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

If your OH has an issue surely it is with his parents? It's not your SIL's fault - she asked and got and he didn't.

Whilst I totally agree if you can't afford it, don't have it. But that's life.

C_Mababejive

If i could find someone stupid enough to lend me that sort of money with no security, i too would happily spend it on something nice like an extension.

Treevo

Life's too short to deal with crap like this. The relationship between your in laws is nothing to do with either you or your husband.

If your husband feels like he should say something then he should bring it up with his parents and ask why the favouritism - but only if he can live with the answers.

poet123

Repaid at those terms the inlaws will be well gone before full payment is made. My MIL has lent money to grandchildren but it is on the understanding that any monies outstanding at the time of her death comes out of their share of the inheritance.

I can see why your husband is upset, we should all try to treat our kids equally. Perhaps the issue could be ironed out as above so that ultimately everyone gets the same share.

aliasojo

Coxy11 wrote: »

Are we being unreasonable feeling this resentment?
Coxy

I think you are unreasonable feeling anything towards your SIL tbh. I also think it's to do with your inlaws and SIL, end of. You shouldn't even be thinking about it.

HOWEVER.....if I'm honest, I'd have been a bit piddled off if no help had been offered to me when I was in a similar situation.

I suppose it depends on whether help was asked for or offered (in the case of SIL I mean).

Funky_Bold_Ribena

That's going to take her 17 years to pay back! Genius.

Treevo

Putting everything else aside - I can't bear the entitlement some people have over their parents' money.