Smoking guest - WWYD?

j.e.j.

scooby088 wrote: »

Whilst I agree with every other poster here I can see both sides and am not blinded by my anger against smoking or smokers.

Same here. I don't particularly like cigarette smoke, it irritates my throat, but I grew up with 2 parents smoking, I used to smoke myself years ago, and I don't get hysterical about it when other people smoke. Personally I don't think I would send a guest outside in the rain to have a cigarette.

Reading the original post, it looks like the smoker in question calmly but firmly put the hosts in their place when he was asked in front of everyone to stop smoking, and I suspect this is what has caused resentment. They felt humiliated in their own house.

Evidently they knew that he smoked but for some reason they didn't think he would light up indoors.

adouglasmhor

On the porch is not the same as out in the rain though is it. And he was asked to go on the porch not stop.

j.e.j.

adouglasmhor wrote: »

On the porch is not the same as out in the rain though is it. And he was asked to go on the porch not stop.

Yes, you're right, he was sent out to the porch. He probably likened it to being sent to the naughty step and got affronted. They in turn were offended when he got defensive.

tea_lover

Why on earth would you be 'humiliated' by asking someone to stop smoking in your own home?

j.e.j.

tea_lover wrote: »

Why on earth would you be 'humiliated' by asking someone to stop smoking in your own home?

His response to their request that he move to the porch to have his ciggie might have made them feel humiliated. He stood his ground and refused to move, and they didn't know what to say.

lushlifesaver

I would have expected a guest to ask me if they were alright to smoke in the house before lighting up.

I would also have expected a guest to have enough respect for myself and my home to observe whatever rules/requests I make.

He is an adult and whilst he might smoke x a day that is not a quota he is required to fill. He is a smoker and if he expected the hosts to know that I would expect him to know that they weren't and to therefore respect their wishes and not smoke whilst at an event they were hosting!

People make me furious when they think they can dictate rules wherever they are just because they 'need' to. Yes smoking is an addiction but it isn't a right, he has all his time elsewhere to light up he can miss one whilst at a lunch event.

Also, he clearly didn't think about those around him for whom smoke can be distressing and make them ill; e.g. asthmatics. My father smokes, in his house, but it makes bf dreadfully ill so when we are there he nips outside or in to the porch. It's just good manners.

The guest would not be receiving another invite from me!

tea_lover

j.e.j. wrote: »

His response to their request that he move to the porch to have his ciggie might have made them feel humiliated. He stood his ground and refused to move, and they didn't know what to say.

We see this quite differently. My view is that the only person who could possibly feel humiliated in the situation was the guy refusing to stop smoking in someone else's house. He was being rude, arrogant and extremely anti-social (imo). The hosts did nothing (that we know of!) to warrant feeling even remotely humiliated... apart from being related to such a numpty in the first place of course.

But I do appreciate that we all see these things differently and I'm not saying my opinion is right - just that I can't for the life of me see how the hosts could have been humiliated by a guest being rude and showing himself up.

trolleyrun

Thinking about it, maybe we all have to draw up "visiting contracts" a la "the room mate agreement" from The Big Bang Theory? :rotfl:

Seriously though, I don't know anyone (including over 1500 colleagues) who would spark up inside someone's house.

j.e.j.

tea_lover wrote: »

We see this quite differently. My view is that the only person who could possibly feel humiliated in the situation was the guy refusing to stop smoking in someone else's house. He was being rude, arrogant and extremely anti-social (imo). The hosts did nothing (that we know of!) to warrant feeling evening remotely humiliated... apart from being related to such a numpty in the first place of course.

But I do appreciate that we all see these things differently and I'm not saying my opinion is right - just that I can't for the life of me see how the hosts could have been humiliated by a guest being rude and showing himself up.

Yes, I think the smoker in question could well have felt humiliated at being asked to go into the porch, and then 'defended his corner', so to speak. I think the words the OP used were caught off guard, when describing the hosts' reaction to him.

Most people I know don't smoke, but my dad used to. Relatives knew he smoked and wouldn't have dreamt of asking him to go somewhere else to have his ciggie. If they did I think they would have got an answer :rotfl: but that was a few years ago now.

I am finding it hard to gauge the relationship between the smoker and the hosts. If they knew he smoked, did he not know that they don't allow smoking in the house?

duchy

The man was a moron or was trying to create a confrontation for other reasons which we aren't privy to. I'm leaning towards the latter.

I smoke-I don't expect to be able to smoke in others homes -although I do have friends who insist I don't go outside to smoke -which is very nice of them but never expected or assumed. I admit I would think telling guests not to smoke in the garden a bit weird though !