Husband Problems

mellenrob

I've been scanning the forums and came across this post and realised it was so similar to own situation.
Been married for 20+ years, husband made redundant just before I had the kids and has not had a permanent job since. That was 18 years ago.
Keeps coming up with money making schemes or projects that never get off the ground.
While I am working full time and have been since kids went to school and paying most of the household bills and the mortgage.
Am I just being very stupid or unreasonable as really think that enough is enough.

Any suggestions?

Mojisola

mellenrob wrote: »

I've been scanning the forums and came across this post and realised it was so similar to own situation.
Been married for 20+ years, husband made redundant just before I had the kids and has not had a permanent job since. That was 18 years ago.
Keeps coming up with money making schemes or projects that never get off the ground.
While I am working full time and have been since kids went to school and paying most of the household bills and the mortgage.
Am I just being very stupid or unreasonable as really think that enough is enough.

There's nothing wrong with one partner paying for everything if the other is contributing in other ways - childcare, housework, etc.

If he's not pulling his weight, you need to have a serious talk.

heartbreak_star

mellenrob wrote: »

I've been scanning the forums and came across this post and realised it was so similar to own situation.
Been married for 20+ years, husband made redundant just before I had the kids and has not had a permanent job since. That was 18 years ago.
Keeps coming up with money making schemes or projects that never get off the ground.
While I am working full time and have been since kids went to school and paying most of the household bills and the mortgage.
Am I just being very stupid or unreasonable as really think that enough is enough.

Any suggestions?

Start another thread as replies to you and the OP might get mixed up.

Good luck to both you and the OP.

HBS x

Pinksocks_2

Many thanks for all the replies, much appreciated.

Going to try and talk to him. Don't want to split the family up.

Will try and suggest going to Docs as he's not left the house for months apart from walking the dog.

It's amazing what losing your job can do to you.

Good luck mellenrob can't really suggest anything to you as I'm in the same situation but 18 years is a very long time. I certainly don't think you are being unreasonable xxx

Errata

Please - don't 'try and talk to him' do talk to him and make him listen until you've said what you need to say. He needs a lightbulb moment and you need to hit the switch for your own sake, and his.

MadDogWoman_2

If Dh is reasonable, and wants to set up his business, there is a government scheme for the unemployed wishing to set up their own business.

He would be assigned a business mentor, sent on day courses for book keeping, sales and marketing (free), advice and support on business plans etc. He would also get a small grant towards equipment and £66 every fortnight for 6 months.

My DH is doing this after being made redundant earlier this year, he's trying to go in a completely different direction.

keith969

Pinksocks wrote: »

Please give me any advice as what to do?

Ditch him. You'll be better off with one less person to worry about.

Men are perfectly capable of doing most household jobs - when my ex left for someone 10 years younger, I didn't have a problem looking after my son and looking after the house, doing the shopping, washing, cooking, ironing, cleaning etc.. Yes I hate ironing but who does not? If he can't do the chores while you're out earning the income, then he's just bone idle.

JaneTalks101

How about you talk to him about helping you around the house. Ask nicely though, you don't want him to feel like dead weight. You can ask him to do the the laundry and dishes. Small steps, don't go overboard. Best of luck to you

esmf73

He is depressed. Ultimatums won't work. You need to get him to his gp. Way I did this with my husband was to slowly work on him (nag) maybe and eventually he agreed to face things and he saw his doctor. Huge repercussions on his career as he was a doctor, but now 5 yrs on he is retired (military pension) and although finances are tight, we are both much happier. Previously I was going to leave.

Prothet_of_Doom

He clearly has depression.

No sane, loving husband, would procrastinate, whilst his wife held it altogether.

If he hasn't got depression, he need a plan, and he needs to be micro-managed into carrying out the plan.

I suggest that you take a week off both jobs, and spend a day sitting with him at the kitchen table creating a plan of action. Then spend the rest of the week together working on the priority actions to start this business.

Suggest you look at all the information on Business link at how to start a business, and create a checklist.

You'll know within the day, if it's laziness, or a deeper problem.

Basically I'm suggesting you act as the Major Shareholder, and launch the business, with his help, and provide the direction.

There might be some back lash, but stay calm, tell him that you can see he is struggling, but you are only prepared to continue to do two jobs, if you can see light at the end of the tunnel, and he can either let you into the tunnel, with a torch, to help find the way or seal it up, and take him to his GP.