Husband Problems

Pinksocks_2

I'd love to put the equipment on ebay but would suffer the consequences, just not brave enough...yet!!!

Could do with the money too

paulineb_2

notanewuser wrote: »

List the equipment on ebay NOW and show him the link. If he's not planning on using it then he doesn't need it.

I certainly wouldnt be selling thousands of pounds worth of equipment on ebay, it could massively backfire if someone got it for peanuts.

j.e.j.

Umistboy wrote: »

Either a) that's both sexist and unfair or b) it is a joke which would be highly inappropriate given the content of the thread.

I'm semi-joking, yes, hence the smiley

RuthnJasper

Spendless wrote: »

Is he depressed? You can get really, really down being out of work and nothing materialising. It can become soul destroying. Does he need a visit to the GPs.

This is a valid point. But you really must sit down and have a serious chat with him, as you (and you probably already know this) cannot continue like this, either mentally or physically, indefinitely. It will wear you down. Please do look after yourself.

Could your OH do some voluntary work to begin with, something like driving a mini-bus for a local old folks' home a couple of mornings a week, to get him back into the pattern of being out and doing something.

But it's really not fair that you are having to shoulder this burden by yourself. I believe that marriage and family is all about teamwork - and he isn't pulling his weight. You're his wife; not his skivvy. I really hope that you are able to sort this out before you have a real burn-out.

Are the kids able to help around the house?

Keep going; you're obviously a good, strong, person - but sometimes you have no option but to look after yourself. I'm glad you've had the courage to look at your situation and ask for support and advice (even if it's anonymously, on here) - that's not always an easy thing to do.

Please keep the thread updated; and I REALLY hope that better times are ahead for you - you deserve them. x

LannieDuck

I think he has a choice: he's either depressed, or being an a!!. I really can't see a third option.

I would tell him that you'll support him and help him if he goes to see his GP and discuss the problem with them. If not, you'll assume he's just being lazy, and will expect him to start pulling his weight.

Have you asked him straight out why he thinks it's ok for you to work all day and do all the housework?

Pinksocks_2

Ahh thanks RuthnJasper for your support and of course everyone else.

Will post again x

marisco_2

I agree with another poster who suggested that your husband may well be suffering from depression. Something he may not recognise in himself or be able to face at the moment. Despite investing a lot of money into getting his own business off the ground, he is now showing signs of not feeling able to progress with this and seek customers. It sounds like previous to losing his job he worked hard to support your family, and has always had a good work ethic. It must have been very difficult for him when he was made redundant and then struggled to find employment. That is enough to knock anyone's confidence and belief in themselves and their ability to succeed.

He is also not recognising and acknowledging just how much pressure you are under from holding down 2 jobs, and doing all the things associated to running family life. Almost as if he is finding it hard to function in the day to day. How is he generally? Is he sleeping okay, getting up at a normal time, still taking a pride in his appearance, eating okay, going out at all, keeping in touch with friends? Or is he becoming more and more isolated and withdrawn? I do respect that this must be an extremely difficult time for you. In all honesty though from what you say, he needs help and support and the opportunity to talk calmly about exactly what is going on for him. Either with yourself or his gp.

j.e.j.

LannieDuck wrote: »

I think he has a choice: he's either depressed, or being an a!!.

The two aren't mutually exclusive..

Pinksocks_2

Thanks marisco, he doesn't go out but I put this down to no money. He is still in bed when I get up I have asked for help in the mornings but he refuses. He stays up to the early hours watching TV. He does eat ok. Although he is a hothead he is becoming more difficult and aggressive so it is difficult to talk to him.

It is such a difficult time job wise there are very few jobs about and I don't blame him for this.

He seems wrapped up in his own world, I do wonder if I leave and he has to fend for himself it would be the kick up the backside he needs.

I just don't know what to do, if he is depressed I'd feel awful.

trolleyrun

OP, this might seems like an intrusive question, but feel free to not answer if you don't want to. Has your OH's temper changed since he was made redundant or was he argumentative before then? You say you're a bit worried about him "kicking off" (so to speak). Some posters have suggested Woman's Aid, which could be a good idea, as you could then speak to someone about it as well as receiving support here.

It isn't right that you should do everything around the house as well as looking after the kids and working two jobs. What would happen if you only made dinner for yourself and the kids? If you only laundered yours and the kids' clothes? Obviously don't do that if you think you may come to harm, it's just an idea.

I hope you can get this sorted, as you deserve better than what you're experiencing at the moment. I agree with a separate bank account as well.
Good luck, and hugs to you.