Husband Problems

Spendless

Is he depressed? You can get really, really down being out of work and nothing materialising. It can become soul destroying. Does he need a visit to the GPs.

Pinksocks_2

I have thought about depression, I have asked but he say he's ok, I suppose he might not be aware he's depressed. May try to talk to him about it.

Thanks

paulineb_2

Pinksocks wrote: »

If I didn't clean, shop, cook it wouldn't get done. I am so tired and emotional, he even stopped signing on as it was too stressful for him, he signed off after the JSA stopped but his stamp isn't being paid now.

Sorry don't want to say what trade as people may recognise me, sorry.

He can pay his own stamp if hes self employed, also depending on your income, he can also claim working tax credits if he has his own business, might not be much but up to £200 a month, better than nothing

Are there any places in your local area he could go to for help with promoting his business? Or see about grants etc

j.e.j.

Depression or not, surely he's got to see that the situation as it stands is just not fair on you. What sort of person does nothing while their other half runs themself ragged working 2 jobs, cooking, shopping, cleaning, etc

I would stop enabling it, tbh. Tell the kids dad's cooking the dinner tonight!

You say if you don't do it it won't get done. I'd hazard a guess that he doesn't do it because he knows YOU'LL do it. Typical man!

Pinksocks_2

He hasn't registered as self employed and hasn't made any money I am supporting him. I have claimed tax credits as we would now be in a terrible financial state and maybe homeless.

He hasn't tried to promote the business as he says he's not ready, feel like I am going in circles, anything i suggest he has an excuse.

Thanks for the advice.

balletshoes

Pinksocks wrote: »

If I didn't clean, shop, cook it wouldn't get done. I am so tired and emotional, he even stopped signing on as it was too stressful for him, he signed off after the JSA stopped but his stamp isn't being paid now.

Sorry don't want to say what trade as people may recognise me, sorry.

you can't go on like this though - so he has to take on some of the household work if he's not out working/looking for work/taking practical steps to get his business off the ground.

So, tell him this is what needs to happen. From now on, he does the tidying up, he can sort out dinner for when you and the kids get home, and you can all sort out a list of chores each of you (including the kids) can do so you all have some responsibilities and you all get some relaxation time at home.

paulineb_2

Pinksocks wrote: »

He hasn't registered as self employed and hasn't made any money I am supporting him. I have claimed tax credits as we would now be in a terrible financial state and maybe homeless.

He hasn't tried to promote the business as he says he's not ready, feel like I am going in circles, anything i suggest he has an excuse.

Thanks for the advice.

Well maybe its time you suggest that he does start the business up.

Sooner rather than later. Even part time if hes not up to doing it full time

Or, he starts jobhunting.

balletshoes

Pinksocks wrote: »

He hasn't registered as self employed and hasn't made any money I am supporting him. I have claimed tax credits as we would now be in a terrible financial state and maybe homeless.

He hasn't tried to promote the business as he says he's not ready, feel like I am going in circles, anything i suggest he has an excuse.

Thanks for the advice.

maybe he's not ready - it can very very stressful being self-employed. But he has other options - he can look for a job.

duchy

What is he doing for money ?
If your wages are going into a joint account - divert them to a sole account

Pinksocks_2

Yeah I think I am an enabler, he can get verbally aggressive and I back down for a quiet life and to protect the kids.

I suppose another question is how long do I leave this situation to "run" before I leave him?

I have nobody to give me another perspective on my situation, that's why your advice is valuable to me.

It's so easy to get bogged down and confused.