Does every family have one?

busiscoming2

I agree with letting your son stay at home. Most teens get to the point where they'd rather not tag along with Mum and Dad anyway.

mountainofdebt

The thing is, is if this is the type of family set up if the son did stick up for himself then he would be called insolent and the OP's way of bringing him up would be called into question.

OP your son has had the courage to tell you he doesn't want to go - if that's the case then I would let him stay away

Dunroamin

I do think that it's possible to define bullying far too widely. For me, unfunny jokes don't come into that category.

LannieDuck

How about printing up a bingo card for your son with all the predictable 'funny' jokes on it? He could either fill it out quietly or let the uncle see him doing it, depending on how he feels.

But I would agree with the others - if he wants to stay at home, let him. He's practically an adult, and as an adult you can choose how much contact you have with your family.

dktreesea

LEJC wrote: »

Yes...I have said that and I am now ignored by this man

I am referred to as "posh bint "by him rather than my name the name calling doesnt upset me...he has issue with most in the family ...

The banter clearly has niggled Harry to the extent that he doesnt want to go on saturday to a family event...but he is unsure of how to deal with the comments that he may get...
I think that sometimes challenging this guy with a retort does sometimes fuel the flames.
Up to a point it would be great if peoples comments never hurt or that we all had the ability to ignore hurtful jibes but human nature sometimes makes that difficult.

Oh for goodness sake. this is your son and it sounds like you and your OH have let this obnoxious man walk all over him for years.

Harry is 15. That's old enough to stay home without you both. If you so want to go and support your OH, go. But why drag your son along with you? I would never let one of my relations or OH's relations put my children down.

YOu OH's relation is power playing. He's got his toy thing that he can push around, with parents who are like timid rabbiots, too scared to say anything. I suspect that this is because your OH doesn't want to upset his share of the inheritance. Man up for once in your life and stand up for your son. You both sound pathetic.

sooty&sweep

Hi
Im sorry but Im with your son.
The jokes may have been mildly amusing the first time but x hundred times later clearly not funny. Its all right for people to say he means no harm & toughen up but how would anybody feel if you were the permanent butt of someones jokes ?
Your son has attempted to stop this treatment in an adult manner and this hasnt worked and so he's taking the next sensible step and not putting himself in the situation where he would be the butt of this relatives jokes.
Im sorry if other relatives would be upset by his non attendance but frankly your son has the right to expect to be treated with respect.
Its up to you if you tell others why he's not there but if he misses a few such occasions they'll probably figure it out anyway. This relative will also probably need to find someone else to use as the butt of his jokes and so others will realise how unpleasant it is !
Jen

marisco_2

LannieDuck wrote: »

How about printing up a bingo card for your son with all the predictable 'funny' jokes on it? He could either fill it out quietly or let the uncle see him doing it, depending on how he feels.

The uncle is clearly a few cards short of a deck. That kind of passive aggressive approach could antagonise him, possibly leading him to say something really hurtful and humiliating to the OPs son, in front of the rest of the family. So effectively all that would be achieved is to fuel the fire and escalate the problem.

duchy

I think your husband needs to get out of the family habit of letting this man bully younger members of the family .....or go to these family gatherings alone.

I know exactly the kind on person you are talking about. My OH recently met his birth mother for the first time and her husband e's the same type and. It is clear the family tolerate him for the sake of their mother ......he's not their father. I was pretty disgusted he went on the way he does even the very first meeting between OH and his Mum..but I think he's so used to getting away with it . He learned fairly quickly I won't tolerate it and call him on it and take the pee out of him ...interestingly none of the family appear to mind or feel any need to defend him....even his wife....but then my OH wouldn't tell. Me not to as he doesn't appreciate this so called humour of this man ......but other posters are right...if you can find his weak spot it will shut him up at least in the short term.

If you really must go .....the patronising ......he's a bit senile poor old man approach might defuse but I think your son has the right idea......just don't go.

Anselm

"Bloody hell Uncle Moron, you must be going batty in your old age; the idea of a joke is that it's supposed to be funny."

daftmummy

Yes have been the butt of jokes in a party situation like that by a couple like that!
One time after a while when a joke was made at my expense for the tenth time! Would you believe it I laughed sooooo!!! hard I dropped my drink in his lap (I was so sorry as I had just brought a pint of cider, which I had added a dash of blackcurrent for the first time. Would you believe it!!! which left the impression he had pee-ed his pants! so came the name piddlepants at every social gathering I happen to use and add a joke that he must pee the bed!
Let your boy stay at home and do the old "not that old chestnut! getting a bit old that your repeating yourself as you said that joke 10min ago!" Then start a conversation with who ever is present saying isn't it a shame for him as its clear he has no friends or social skill to keep on like that, heard that joke three time already tonight"
Good luck