Does every family have one?

LEJC

...Or is is just our family...

The annoying relation who thinks its funny to undermine people or to make fun of them at family events.

We have a male relation in the family who thinks hes the life and soul of the party and most of the time we humour him to keep the peace...but today my teenager has come to me and said he doesnt want to attend an event at the weekend when the relation will be there...

He has over the years made jokes at our sons expense and it turns out that actually our son has had enough of it and simply walking away or asking him to "tone it down" hasnt made a bit of difference

Its mainly trivial stuff things like noticing a little facial hair and asking "hows the rug growing?"...or constantly referring to our son as Harold in a steptoe voice...his name is Harry,not Harold as we have mentioned in passing lots of times.

Its now got to the point of son refusing to go at the weekend,me understanding the situation and OH saying we have to go to keep the peace with the other relations.
The upshot now being that we will probably say we cant stay long...but that not the answer longterm of how to deal with the relation

My OH has openly spoken to other family members regarding the way he is and whilst they are all sympathetic it seems that theres a general view of "oh thats how he is...ignore him"...which we kind of see and agree with but I had no idea until today that its had such an effect on our son.

Anyone got any ideas of how to deal with the relation...or indeed a "put down line"...or would that be stooping to his level.

DKLS

Am sure your son has handled worse situations of banter at school and with friends. He just needs to pull a few fast comeback lines out of the bag when needed.
Coffin Dodging, one foot in the grave, hair loss and prostrate issues would be a good safe start.

I have a cousin named Russell and perhaps you can guess what I have called him for the past 18 years.

*max*

Talking to other relations isn't going to make a blind bit of difference. What you need to do is talk the the guy himself.

He is obviously not getting the hint. You need to tell him you understand he is trying to be funny, but he can be really hurtful and demeaning sometimes, and that it is affecting your son and others. Some people have no idea they are crossing the line.

LEJC

DKLS wrote: »

Am sure your son has handled worse situations of banter at school and with friends. He just needs to pull a few fast comeback lines out of the bag when needed.
Coffin Dodging, one foot in the grave, hair loss and prostrate issues would be a good safe start.

I have a cousin named Russell and perhaps you can guess what I have called him for the past 18 years.

he has handled worse situations at school I'm sure he just finds it very flustrating when this is coming from an adult who should know better than to stoop to "playground humour"

LEJC

*max* wrote: »

Talking to other relations isn't going to make a blind bit of difference. What you need to do is talk the the guy himself.

He is obviously not getting the hint. You need to tell him you understand he is trying to be funny, but he can be really hurtful and demeaning sometimes, and that it is affecting your son and others. Some people have no idea they are crossing the line.

No he's not getting the hint and yes I have spoken to him several times...he now ignores me at gatherings but still persists to annoy Harry whos aked him to tone it down but its not made a difference

DKLS

LEJC wrote: »

he has handled worse situations at school I'm sure he just finds it very flustrating when this is coming from an adult who should know better than to stoop to "playground humour"

But the relative is a bloke, and we dont always know when to stop and to be honest with the sons name, it does give him an easy target, slightly obvious but still worthy of some banter.

LEJC

DKLS wrote: »

But the relative is a bloke, and we dont always know when to stop and to be honest with the sons name, it does give him an easy target, slightly obvious but still worthy of some banter.

Why should his name be an easy target...he was christened Harry...Harold is no more his name than any other ....
I agree sometimes people dont know when to stop but if its clearlty causing an issue then thats the time to stop joking surely...
would you still think it worthy of banter if you had been told that it offended?

WantToBeSE

You need to be blunt with him and tell him that it is unacceptable for an adult to behave in a way that makes a child feel this.
Tell him that he may feel inadequate and be lacking in confidence, but bullying your son isn't going to change that.

You need to stick up for your son.

luxor4t

WantToBeSE wrote: »

You need to be blunt with him and tell him that it is unacceptable for an adult to behave in a way that makes a child feel this.
Tell him that he may feel inadequate and be lacking in confidence, but bullying your son isn't going to change that.

You need to stick up for your son.

"Jolly Uncle" is male and a bit thick by the sound of it - so will probably react more positively if told to back off by another male of similar vintage, preferably one who directly mocks him, in the way he has mocked your son.

I know, he should be capable of understanding what you told him, but as he keeps making the same so-called "jokes" and finds your son's embarrassment funny he is obviously a bit too primitive.

mountainofdebt

Actually if your son has said he doesn't want to go to the event on sunday, and provided that he is old enough to look after himelf (or you can arrange some sort of supervision for him) I would be tempted to go without him and when asked why he didn't come then I would tell them the truth.

May have more of an impact that way

kelpie35

How old is your son?

Could you and your OH go yourselves and leave your son at Home?

If you can't do that then you need to decide how important this meetup is to you and your family.