Does every family have one?

LEJC

sorry...just quickly...before I read all the other posts,Harry is 15 so yes he's old enough to be left at home,and old enough to defend himself against relation...however relation still possibly sees him as a much younger child and seemingly still sees it as acceptable to belittle him.

Having spoken to Harry over tea this evening he has resonably explained that this is a man who is an elder in the family and as such he feels he should look up to him but the way that he's being treated has meant that hes lost all respect for the man.
He's also aware that in saying something to him in direct response to the comments is likely to cause offence and possibly bad feeling from other members of the family who think that for want of a better term...the sun shines out of the ........of this chap!

I dont want to cause family friction but neither do I want Harry to have to endure a day in the prescence of...I would quite easily rock up on saturday and say the reason he's not there is because he cant stand the comments made by him but in doing that I am also aware that I would be upsetting my mother in law and my husbands grandmother deeply.

Treevo

If they're going to be upset then they should be upset with this relation, not you or your son. If they're not, then perhaps it's time they heard a few home truths?

DKLS

LEJC wrote: »

Why should his name be an easy target...he was christened Harry...Harold is no more his name than any other ....
I agree sometimes people dont know when to stop but if its clearlty causing an issue then thats the time to stop joking surely...
would you still think it worthy of banter if you had been told that it offended?

Simple connection, Harry H Corbett played Harold Steptoe, hence worth of a steptoe related gag. Or equally, Clint Eastwood, Harry potter or Hal gags would be appropriate.

Just like with my cousin, there is a good reason I have called him Jack all of his life/

As to your question of worthy of banter, I suppose it depends on how much I liked the kid, If I liked him I would ease off.

FatVonD

I don't think you should let Harry be the one to deal with it. No matter well-prepared his retort the elder relative has a whole lifetime's experience of being an A'hole and will come back with something else which your son won't be ready for.

I think you've probably been too polite with him in the past, if he does it again just say incredulously 'do you have *any* idea quite how offensive you are??' I do think your husband should tackle it (not least of all because it's his family member), the minute he says something it needs a man to man 'oi, you've been told about that before, now pack it in'.

Treevo

DKLS wrote: »

Simple connection, Harry H Corbett played Harold Steptoe, hence worth of a steptoe related gag. Or equally, Clint Eastwood, Harry potter or Hal gags would be appropriate.

Just like with my cousin, there is a good reason I have called him Jack all of his life/

As to your question of worthy of banter, I suppose it depends on how much I liked the kid, If I liked him I would ease off.

Or indeed how much you feared his parents. It's amazing how many older men who enjoy 'banter' suddenly stop when confronted with someone so far above them in every single way. Maybe the OP should try that.

Dunroamin

It's obviously become unfunny and pretty boring but if the examples you've given are the worst he's said, it's hardly belittling your son. Obviously, if there have been worst things said it would be different but is this really anything more than unfunny uncle banter?

FatVonD

Dunroamin wrote: »

It's obviously become unfunny and pretty boring but if the examples you've given are the worst he's said, it's hardly belittling your son. Obviously, if there have been worst things said it would be different but is this really anything more than unfunny uncle banter?

Yes, but he's been asked to stop and he hasn't.

My own son is of a similar age and quite shy and he would hate it too.

LEJC

Dunroamin wrote: »

It's obviously become unfunny and pretty boring but if the examples you've given are the worst he's said, it's hardly belittling your son. Obviously, if there have been worst things said it would be different but is this really anything more than unfunny uncle banter?

The examples I gave were just 2 of many...its been going on years and at every family gathering...I think the difference is this time Harry is old enough to decide that actually he really doesnt want to be the butt of jokes anymore.

Harry has never been sporty and as such has never fitted into the mould of a man in this relations eyes,he prefers music which he excells at and instead of accepting the talent he has this guy prefers to remind him of the failure he is because his forte does not involve a ball!

FatVonD

thorsoak wrote: »

If your son is a teenager, and old enough to make his own decisions and has decided that he doesn't want to go, then I would - on this occasion - support his decision.

When relatives ask "where's Harry?" - then its time to say "Harry is sick and tired of Fred's stupid comments and says he won't put up with it any more". In Fred's hearing.

Part of me agrees with this except 'Fred' will probably then take the mick out of Harry for not being able to 'take a joke' and then the next time they're in the same company will probably be playing to the crowd muttering 'ooh, better be careful what I say' type stuff.

The OP's hubby needs to man up and stick up for his son.

LEJC

FatVonD wrote: »

I don't think you should let Harry be the one to deal with it. No matter well-prepared his retort the elder relative has a whole lifetime's experience of being an A'hole and will come back with something else which your son won't be ready for.

I think you've probably been too polite with him in the past, if he does it again just say incredulously 'do you have *any* idea quite how offensive you are??' I do think your husband should tackle it (not least of all because it's his family member), the minute he says something it needs a man to man 'oi, you've been told about that before, now pack it in'.

Absolutely spot on!